Unusual bit of correspondence

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A friend from here and I correspond by email and the other day she asked me to post something she had included with that email.
She titled it: A Bizarre But True than True Story. What follows is what I received.

A bizarre but ‘truer than true’ story

I have a friend, not a very close friend but more than an acquaintance, who has recently done something very strange.

A little back-ground here is necessary. This friend, and I will NOT name any names, began life as a male. He became a big strapping guy. I don’t know the mental struggles he went through, but finally in his twenties he got permission and went through the full SRS. She works for a major corporation and ‘officially’ has all the Human-rights protection that one could want. Unofficially I have heard rumors that she hasn’t had it all that easy. Being as large as she is, ‘passing’ was not in the cards. Well, lets just say that even after all she has gone through she still has a strong resemblance to a man in a dress. Her attitude and personality are also of the ‘alpha’ type so no joy there. My friend hasn’t had it easy in the health department either; varicose veins and many other ailments, many of them having to do with the fluctuation of hormone levels, most recently osteoporosis. (To add to everything, she’s a bit of a hypochondriac.)

So what is this all leading up to? Well my friend recently told me she isn’t a she any more and I should begin using male pronouns and (his male) name when referring to him/her/whatever. I was flabbergasted !! After all this person went through to become accepted as female and now this person is chucking it all up and going back to being, well there’s NO chance of fathering children here but at least, virtually male. I do not know whether (s)he plans to have more surgery to emulate a male more fully or not.

I could NOT figure a way to write this as a fictional story — but this HAD to be told. My friend Nellie T. has offered to post this for me so that there will be absolutely no conduit back to reality.

- Truly Baffled

To me, this is exceedingly weird but none of us know what mental duress the individual that 'Truly Baffled' is referring to has gone through.
The human mind is an extremely complex thing and we don't know what external pressures can do to it or for that matter changes in self perception.

Bye Huggles all
Nellie

Comments

is it that strange?

It's sad, and I definitely feel for the person. I applaud them for their courage, to make the transition in the first place, in the face of the obvious difficulties. To finally admit to themselves that the reality of living as a woman would never match her dreams, and make the transition back again, takes guts, and they deserve all the support from their friends they can get.

I feel sad that this person will be unhappy in either gender.

Not at All Unusual

Unfortunately, such stories as this are not as unusual or strange as they may initially seem to be at first. More than a few people push, push and push until they achieve their fondest dream only to find out that things are not what they had once hoped they would be once they've crested the hill and saw what lay beyond.

The joke and cautionary tale, we used to share among friends years back when preparing for SRS was that after surgery you weren't any shorter, your teeth weren't any whiter and the sun didn't shine any brighter.

I know I will be pilloried for say this, but in a way, obtaining SRS has become too easy, allowing people who will not have good outcomes such as your friend to do something that is not in their best interest. Unfortunately, far too many are blinded to reality to accept such judgements. Hence, the suicide rate among post-ops TSs continues to be far too high.

I hope this missive isn't censored as some of my other ones have been, for maybe, just maybe someone will read it and ask themselves, "Am I someone she is talking about?"

Okay, I'm off my soapbox for now. Till next time, do stay safe and sane.

Nancy Cole

Nancy_Cole__Red_Background_.png


~ ~ ~

"You may be what you resolve to be."

T.J. Jackson

Sadly this happens

I have known people who have detransitioned. It can be a blend of difficulties ( physical size ) and possibly a lack of a satisfactory RLT period and she was failed by her therapists in not be gatekeepered properly. In the end it is his life and his prerogative to change back. Frankly if I was that physically unpassable I may very well have not transitioned. I would just have had a miserable life though but I am not in that position, blessed it be her name. I sympathize with his difficulties.

For most of us there is really only one chance at this. To detransition back is inexpensive moneywise but horribly expensive socially. Double Trouble.

I suggest that all you can do is just wish him the best and stay a friend best you can.

Kim

There have been cases of

There have been cases of detransitioning about ever since the early SRS. They were just so rare and the numbers of SRS cases were so few that they seemed more invisible. There were a couple of the "Wrong Body" series on MSNBC rerun earlier in the year that featured people who detransitoned, and it delved into the whys. Two did not follow the Standards of Care (SOC) route and shortcut the process or lied their way through therapy, and went overseas to Thailand before they required psychological evaluation (and that has been evolving there). Religious based guilt was in part responsible for detransition in two cases after they got embroiled with a bunch of tax exempt charlatans seeking to cure homosexuality through prayer and behavior modification, and they also admitted to having sidestepped procedures.

From working with several therapists in my area, I am aware that people have tried to get SRS approval and were denied on the basis that they were seeking unrealistic goals, the end to all their other problems through sex change. Some went ahead and got surgery anyway. Careful therapy caught that they actually had problems other than gender dysphoria, mostly borderline personality disorder, and in one case a CDer with a fantasy who had deluded himself that he should be female. I know of others who lied convincingly through the therapy process. Had these folks passed through the gates they would likely have been detransitioning also. Not all therapists are as aware and able to catch lies as others.

Lack of social approval remains the largest cause of the depression seen to accompany gender dysphoria, and according to the preamble of the DSMiv ('94 text revision), should not be considered a mental illness at all since it is "...the result of social, religious or political disapproval...).

The rate of satisfaction with surgery among TS is actually quite high, well over 90%, with less than 3% of people who make it to the surgeons knife detransitioning, and others stating they were not completely satisfied. Often the reason for the latter is the lack of acceptance complicated by the difficulties in "passing" by many transtioners who are older and have long been prey to the ravages of testosterone, so they do not find the acceptance they expected/wished for. Sadly those who would prevent transitioning for whatever bigoted and biased reason leap on these few cases of detransition and regret and would make them causes for ending the procedures, though many more people have been helped than have had regrets and detransitioned.

I also cringe when I think about the debate between those who see the Standards of Care as necessary, and those that want depathologization, which are not actually two opposite sides. One group thinks taking GID and Gender Dysphoria out of future editions of the DSM equals surgery on demand just like any other plastic surgery or corrective surgery. "'Taint necessarily so Newton" nor should it be. That is actually two different issues.

Listing Gender Dysphoria (or call it Gender Incongruence) in the DSM as a special case of non disorder depression with effects would serve very well to provide justification for corrective surgery, but not saddle people so afflicted with a disorder diagnosis. The SOC should not have to follow the APA disorder language to justify approving people for a medical procedure that has been demonstrated to effect a cure for a mental problem. Neither should surgery on demand be undertaken for something with as much social ramifications as SRS, not without some assurance that the surgery meets the criterion of doing no harm and the patient has been made well aware of the irreversible nature of the surgery, physically as well as socially.

It would be nice if GID was taken out of the disorders section of the DSM (and the terms Gender Incongruence they propose to replace it with continues to have a disorder diagnosis number so is not effective in doing so), as it might make it slightly more easy to get a job for people who are marginalized by the unwashed majority. Having to admit to having or having had a diagnosed mental disease does not make for good employability. The proposed change for the DSMv are unlikely to help, but what can you expect from psychiatrists? Helping people is not what they are about, as their mental illness theory devolves from judgemental and punitive theory from bygone ages steeped in religon and belief in demons and supernatural causes.

CaroL

CaroL

Comment from Truly Baffled

This came the person who asked the original to be posted.

Hey Nellie,

Thank you very much - I really didn't know why I HAD to have that story posted until now. All of the commenters have helped me to get my mind, at least partially, around this whole concept. My friend (from the story) lived as female, after SRS, for over 20 years so the decision to go back to his male persona was NOT an immediate reaction to the SRS.

Thank you to all the commenters for your help with my hang-ups.

Truly Baffled

Very sad tale...

and a perfect example of why the medical profession makes people jump through so many hoops before doing anything truly irreversible.

Some day, it will be possible to switch completely back and forth, and it'll be possible to 'try it on for size.' In the mean time, all caution must be taken -- and mistakes will still be made.

It's all too easy work really hard to convince the psychologist...

Unusual bit of correspondence

I hope that your friend finds the Peace that is so badly needed.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine