well, I spent yesterday with my daughter, taking her to see the new "Ice Age" movie, and then we spent some time playing badminton together. All in all, very nice day, but it had a couple of stressful moments. The biggest came when Sam suggested we do a picnic with her and the two boys who are the children of my ex's best friend. It was only after she made the suggestion that she realized my trans status might cause a difficulty for them, and so withdrew the suggestion.

Had a dream last night that I was a girl. It was very vivid and felt scarily real. It was fun. The dream was simple. I was a red haired girl, wearing a skirt, sweater and shirt. It was simple. It was just me, walking around feeling rather pleased with myself. That was it. It felt very, very real.

A few of you may remember me the wacky bear that hopped on laps, looked down blouse fronts and hid under long skirts (Well I actually flicked the skirts up)in Crystal's chat room when it was the place to be. Well as this is to inform you that I'm Back from the wilds and looking for old friends and hoping to meet some new friends. I'm sorry to see so many friends are no longer with us may they be having the time of their afterlives and wondering what this Looney HuggyBear is going to do next.

It as been a while. I talked to my GT about the total cessation of reading, she mentioned it depression can do strange things. It isn't the only thing I've changed on either. I'm getting better, just not there yet.

Tired, sweaty and footsore; according to my pedometer I have walked something over 30 miles in the last five days.

Not sure I can afford to go on such a long vacation again though, while at the kennel someone taught Cuddles how to fart. You all almost read about it on the news, woman and dog found asphyxiated in their car on the I-10. HOLY SHIT, BATMAN! So to speak.

I'm hoping it was just because she only got kibbles to eat while in the kennel.

Got back to the hotel, ate some chips and salsa and worked on the site for an hour or so and fell asleep. I probably would have slept straight through except some guy outside my window about 11:30 couldn't get his car alarm to shut off. Either that or he was stealing a car. I got up to look out the window, my car is still there but by that time, I was awake and hungry so I made a trip down to the snack machines and here I am.

I was somewhat pleasantly amused by Dorothy's recent post "To any non-trans guy brave enough to answer" which opened a discussion about erections, and the having of them. My interest was further piqued by her post "Here is a challenge for you all" about breasts. Not wanting to thread jack, I thought I might post my own thoughts on both topics from the other side of the fence.

I have a serious question. Do you LIKE getting erections? Is it supposed to feel good?

Well, I dont. I hate mine with a passion. They hurt. They make it harder to wear the kind of clothes I like. And they are a reminder I am not the person I want to be, need to be, or am inside, depending on your point of view.

Ah, well.

My mom found out last night that our little group of rental houses (condos?, not sure, they are connected one to the other, is that a condo?) are going to be sold off. Nobody know for sure what that means, but its possible they want to turn these from rental properties to ownership ones, in which case we wouldnt be able to stay here. My poor mom is panicking, and between that and the big storm we had last night that hailed out her flowers, she's having a rough day.

So, new author name. Now you will have to look up 300 Rains and Kit and Kin under a different name... sorry. But not really... I felt I needed the change.

In other news, I have a tumblr account. For those of you on there, my address is Whistling Wombat

Also, writing has been slow due to life, shoulder and wrist issues as well as the muse taking a vacation while I edit something else. I have started Chapter 5 of K&K, but it is moving slow at the moment. I hope to get it moving faster. Just to let you know.

I was talking to my ex last week when we were walking back from the American Museum in Bath, about that fact that Saturday 14th July, is twenty six years since I transitioned, and went to work as a female for the first time.

She had no recollection of our dash to Cardiff to enhance my wardrobe, though in all fairness, I suppose I had more to remember about it. Looking back, I consider I was very fortunate to working for a then District Health Authority, who were sympathetic. It could have gone much worse.

Sometimes I just need to share things and with limited people in my life I wind up blogging on here. I don't know if that is a good thing or just plain sad, I will just leave it at "It is what it is."

Not so fast, Batman! Okay, not Batman... I'm not a caped crusader, nor am I a man even...

You know, it can be disturbing when one visit's one's primary care doc, and gets referred for extra tests...

I went to Wal-Mart today in my nice new blouse and skirt, and got to chatting with the people on either side of the line up at the pharmacy counter. Then I strolled through a farmer's market, and then stopped on my way home to get a glass of lemonade from a kid's stand. At no point did anyone seem to give me so much as a double take, which once upon a time I would have said was simply impossible for me - there was simply no way I could pass.

Funny how wrong a person can be, isnt it?

I'm still mildly seething, sort of like a dragon with smoke coming out my nostrils, but no flames. In my time being in the world of women, as one, I have never encountered a woman who acted like a man, aside from simply openly hostile, man hater, lesbian women, and even their presentation was, well lacking.

Well, last night I was telling my co-workers about getting my 2nd opinion, and one of my co-workers said "You should have just asked me - I knew you were totally a girl the first time we met."

I asked "how?" and she said, "It just radiates out of you."

Nice, huh?

My ex and I went to see this today. It's based at Claverton Manor just on the outskirts of Bath and literally down the road from the University of Bath - and the RSPCA dog and cat's home.

It's a lovely old house which houses the museum collection, and the most outstanding aspect is the collection of quilting, some of which are awesome and must have taken years to make. I was disappointed that they didn't have more Audobon prints but I suppose they have to change things around every so often.

I went to the doctor for a follow up on my elbow and it seems it is not healing properly so it looks like a visit to th O R to put some screws in to hold it in place. I have more nuts & bolts in me than they have at
Home Depot. Think about this 100 years from now someone with a metal detector going over my burial sight is going to think they hit the jackpot or gold pot at the end of the rainbow because of all the steel & titanium I have in me
HUGS-LOVE & KISSES TO ALL MY BCTS FRIENDS

I was just complimented by a very nice young man on the street today.

That can be a validating, life-affirming moment for any woman my age, let alone a trans one. A reassurance that a man still finds us desirable. It was just the thing I needed, in light of my recent struggles.

I turned and said, "Thank you...." and then my heart sank.

I was laid of in Jan 2011 and have tried to find work without much success but thats the case all over the country,I did sign on with up with several employment agencies but have had approx 26 days of work to date.
With only my Army pension I found it difficult to pay the bills and ended up being evicted on 23 April this year so I am living in a tent along with my dogs somewhere on the Pennines.

Well, tomorrow is my birthday, and I'll be an ancient 46 years old. I missed being a Canada day baby by a couple of hours, apparently, but ah, well.

I doubt very much that when my mom carried home this tiny baby boy she ever dreamed that 45 years later she'd be shoe shopping for Mary Jane flats with him ...

Her acceptance of me is one of the blessings in my life, but I have a lot of those, and I'm trying to remember to be more grateful for them. You never know when one of them may go away, after all.

Happy Canada Day, everyone.

MOVING

To day we have started our move to a larger apartment and I am a bit on cloud 11 [better than 9] We will have separate bedrooms for the girls, I get a larger bedroom and a walk in closet, the kitchen and living room are larger and we now have a dining area.

The cherry on top of all of this is that it is just down the hall from our smaller apartment.