I'm still mildly seething, sort of like a dragon with smoke coming out my nostrils, but no flames. In my time being in the world of women, as one, I have never encountered a woman who acted like a man, aside from simply openly hostile, man hater, lesbian women, and even their presentation was, well lacking.

Well, last night I was telling my co-workers about getting my 2nd opinion, and one of my co-workers said "You should have just asked me - I knew you were totally a girl the first time we met."

I asked "how?" and she said, "It just radiates out of you."

Nice, huh?

My ex and I went to see this today. It's based at Claverton Manor just on the outskirts of Bath and literally down the road from the University of Bath - and the RSPCA dog and cat's home.

It's a lovely old house which houses the museum collection, and the most outstanding aspect is the collection of quilting, some of which are awesome and must have taken years to make. I was disappointed that they didn't have more Audobon prints but I suppose they have to change things around every so often.

I went to the doctor for a follow up on my elbow and it seems it is not healing properly so it looks like a visit to th O R to put some screws in to hold it in place. I have more nuts & bolts in me than they have at
Home Depot. Think about this 100 years from now someone with a metal detector going over my burial sight is going to think they hit the jackpot or gold pot at the end of the rainbow because of all the steel & titanium I have in me
HUGS-LOVE & KISSES TO ALL MY BCTS FRIENDS

I was just complimented by a very nice young man on the street today.

That can be a validating, life-affirming moment for any woman my age, let alone a trans one. A reassurance that a man still finds us desirable. It was just the thing I needed, in light of my recent struggles.

I turned and said, "Thank you...." and then my heart sank.

I was laid of in Jan 2011 and have tried to find work without much success but thats the case all over the country,I did sign on with up with several employment agencies but have had approx 26 days of work to date.
With only my Army pension I found it difficult to pay the bills and ended up being evicted on 23 April this year so I am living in a tent along with my dogs somewhere on the Pennines.

Well, tomorrow is my birthday, and I'll be an ancient 46 years old. I missed being a Canada day baby by a couple of hours, apparently, but ah, well.

I doubt very much that when my mom carried home this tiny baby boy she ever dreamed that 45 years later she'd be shoe shopping for Mary Jane flats with him ...

Her acceptance of me is one of the blessings in my life, but I have a lot of those, and I'm trying to remember to be more grateful for them. You never know when one of them may go away, after all.

Happy Canada Day, everyone.

MOVING

To day we have started our move to a larger apartment and I am a bit on cloud 11 [better than 9] We will have separate bedrooms for the girls, I get a larger bedroom and a walk in closet, the kitchen and living room are larger and we now have a dining area.

The cherry on top of all of this is that it is just down the hall from our smaller apartment.

My mom started fooling around with my hair last night, and now I have an honest-to-goodness pony tail. The ex had a bit of a freak out about it, but that's to be expected.

I kinda like it, though.

think I've reached a point in my journey where I feel confident enough to try out different looks to see what one suits me best. For example, I've been wearing a very subtle plum shade of nail color, and today I decided to try a bold red instead. I'm also looking at hairstyles, to see what I can do with that as well, although I still have a bit of thinness at the front that I would like to cover over as much as it can be.

I think a good step forward for me, and kinda fun besides.

This storm is coming on shore at Cedar Key with is only about 20 miles away from my house . The good thing is at the center the rain and winds are light, we had are rain on Sunday 12 plus inches .This is a dry (wet) run for a hurricane and hopefully this is as bad as it get this year. I have lived here 6 years and this is the first tropical type storm we have had not to bad . Stay dry HUGS EVERYBODY -- RICHIE

That last line sounds like it should be on an AB site (stay dry huggies) LOL

The worst part of not being in a relationship right now? Not having someone to hold me while I shake during a PTSD moment.

They're scary sometimes, and hurt all the time, and I ache afterward, but the worst part is going through them alone, when all you want is someone to put their arms around you so you can feel safe.

I love my online friends, and I'm super grateful for their support, and I've been pretty lucky at finding someone to talk to when things have been bad, but I ache sometimes for a pair of actual arms around me, holding me and supporting me.

Ah, well.

As strange as it may sound, I'm rather hoping that the doctor who will do my 2nd opinion does more than just rubber-stamp me onto the SRS waiting list.

I hope he takes the time and effort to make sure of me, because sometimes I'm less than sure myself, and having a medical person confirm my status would help me deal with those anxieties.

But, only time will tell - 3 weeks and 4 days, to be exact.

Some of you here knew that I was a Muslim of the non-bomb making sect, until January of this year, and had adopted the first name of Khadijah in honor of Muhammad's first wife.

I went to the YMCA this morning, and I had a wonderful time. I got shown around, given a free pass for the day, and got info on how I might be able to get a membership at a discount or even free if I qualify based on my income. Then I used the pass and went into the pool and swam for an hour, just enjoying the ability to go out as a woman without any mistreatment.

So that was good, but now for some reason I'm really shaky. Dont know if its depression, or flashbacks, or what, but I'm really struggling to hold on to my happy

Ah, well.

Just got a call from the hospital, and my 2nd opinion has been moved up. Now it will be July 18, at 1 P.M.

One more major hurdle could be done a month from now!

(Does a little happy dance)

Yay!

I received some disturbing news this morning and would appreciate it if you could take a moment and turn your thoughts towards Douglas R. Howe and send healing energy, white light and prayers his way? we aren't positive and are awaiting tests but he needs your strength against possible lung cancer... thank you all
Diana

The weirdest thing happened and it might be one for the record books.

I was having some stomach discomfort the last few days and was feeling really sick. Normally I don't go to the doctor's office but things were getting really bad and I decided I better get checked up before I keel over and die.

After a few test I discovered that I was seven months pregnant, and here I was thinking that I was just getting fatter. I don't know how it happened... I mean, I have a penis and everything still.

Some people here know my background and many people probably don't. Because it is a matter of public record, I have no problem divulging information. Due to circumstances out of my control, I was arrested back in 2003 and in order to escape 650 years of prison I took a plea deal. Part of that deal requires me to register as a sex offender (which makes my life oh so joyful).

Anyway. I did my time, I finished probation, have been gainfully employed, own a house, have 2 cars, am owned by 2 cats and I thought life would just continue on this way until I died.

Wow have I really been here THAT long? :) I recently was asked a question and I had to go check. How many stories have I written. The answer is a little vague, but this is me after all. More than 50 not including two novels. The sad part is I probably have at least as many incomplete sitting in a stack of notebooks and my hard drive. I do hope to complete them someday, but I'm dependent on the fickleness of muses. I'm also not as functional as I would like which is a sore point with me since I'm not nearly as challenged as many here.

well, the nibble I got regarding publishing my novella turned out to be a dud. The whole thing was all about selling me on a publishing service that charges to publish, with prices starting at 600 dollars and going up from there.

Ah, well.

I have been having a bad day, can't find the root cause and have spent most of the day retreating into sleep... oddly, the one bright spot today was watching The new Muppet movie... i'm not looking for anything...just observing the fact that the Muppets rock.
di

My mom took me to Pennington's today to get a ladies bathing suit, and to say I got treated well is an understatement. When I told the sales lady I was transition, she told me she couldnt even see me as having ever been a boy, I was so feminine.

Neat, huh?