Well, I came home this morning to a message from my sister saying my brother was hurt by the reaction of my friends on facebook and by my not jumping to his defense. So I did the only thing I could do - I sent a loving response, and then took my dog for a walk outside in my prettiest skirt, just because I could. I'm not going to let them pull me down anymore. I love them, but I need to keep myself healthy first and foremost.

well, my brother and sister in law took the time to send replies to my facebook post about finding guys attractive, and frankly, their reaction stings. My brother's reply pretty much implied that I was trying to talk myself into being attracted to a guy, and not only that, that I had talked myself into feeling like a girl in the first place.

He may not have meant to hurt me, but I find his response to be a slap in the face, and it hurts.

Gonna go cry for a bit, then I'm gonna fix my face, and start moving again. Not going to let this stop me....

Okay, its serious discussion time, but lets keep it friendly, okay?

Can a person change orientation?

One of the big differences between the genders is socially. I mean, as a socially awkward guy, while I had problems, I got a lot of forgiveness just because guys arent expected to be as socially aware. But an awkward girl is in for trouble, and that's where I am now. I spent so long in Guyland that I missed a lot of how a girl gets socialized, so I find myself not sure how to act around people.

Makes me wish I had a girlfriend or two to help me integrate better into female society, and sadly, online friends, while nice, arent quite enough.

Can I make a little confession here? Yesterday, when I was doing laundry, I put on a skirt so I could wash my pants, and I could feel tension leave my body as I walked around my house in the skirt. I could feel my blood pressure drop, and it felt like a breath I hadnt even realized I was holding in was escaping, taking with it a lot of my stress.

Weird, no?

Ladies, gentlemen, and those who think of themselves as both or neither, I wish to have your attention for a few moments, so that I can publically sing the praises of a talented writer, a tireless champion of both the trans community and of victims of sexual abuse, and a great friend of mine, miss Andrea DiMaggio.

Small baby steps, this is how I'm doing it.

Heyo, your friendly neighborhood Jenn here. I wanted to bend your ear a bit, if i could. I love my readers very much. I love every kudo (I'm addicted to checking) and every comment. I try to pm everyone who comments, if i missed you I'm very sorry. More than a few folks here at BCTS have pointed out I'm kind of a "Debbie downer" when I write. I am working on it, I really am. But on occasion my poison pen manages to produce something not so depressing.

I got a little bit of extra money this month, and I think rather than just blowing it on an extra trip to McDonalds or whatever, I'm going to set it aside and make a "Dorothy fund" account. Then, whenever I can, I'll add to it, and hopefully, when I'm ready to move forward with a name change, I'll have enough put aside to cover the costs.

I find myself being terribly jealous of my friend Katie She's not been out of the closet that long, and already she looks better than I do, and has a boyfriend besides ...

Well, I got good news at work last night. My transfer has been approved, and Feb. 15 is going to be my last day at my current site, and then I will get to move to a site much closer to where I live. My car will thank me, as will my wallet ...

I don’t know why, but sometimes I feel dishonest somehow for posting stories on this site. It’s hard to explain, but here it goes. I’m not transitioning, nor do I have any plans to transition from male to female in the near future, but sometimes I feel that the desire to transition is some kind of unwritten prerequisite for posting on a site that’s a friendly place to read and write TG fiction.

I started writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I had a tough session in group therapy today. One of the women talked about having been given electroshock treatment, and she started crying talking about how it made her lose memory.

Alright like the title says, I've been a bad girl. Before the end of the year, some of you might remember me posting about my walking. I was doing four miles a day and was getting close to a fifteen minute mile. I know, I know some of you more healthy people can run four miles in twenty minutes. But for me this is huge, I had it a stretch goal to be running by March I think.

I started on a new diet today, or at least a new plan for how I will eat.

My daughter has finally had an MRI scan. The good news - she doesn't have MS. The bad news - she has a tumour on the top of her spine which is causing the symptoms of muscle weakness, loss of coordination, tremor etc. She's on the urgent list for surgery at the University of Wales Hospital, Cardiff.

We have heavy snow forecast for tonight & tomorrow, so it looks as if I won't be able to get to see her this weekend.

Life's a bitch...

I used to keep a secret, and yesterday I kept a secret.

They were sort of the same secret - That I'm transgender, but how I feel about it is totally different.

Soooo, I'm sitting here in front of my computer, reading some things, and I read about the struggles of some of the girls here.

I know I'm not the first to think about this, but it's new to me.

Well, I'm going to confess something, and every non-trans woman and transitioned trans woman will have the right to laugh at me for it.

I'm struggling with the hormones.

So the post Christmas/New Year period is over and we all return to normal - um, not quite. My cough remains and my energy levels are still well down on my usual, possibly not helped by working silly hours.

Last week my van broke while I was delivering Sunday's paper. Not a good thing to happen, but what followed was even worse (See JennC I used the right one). Someone from another center came to help me and he added to my frustration by driving extremely slow and talking negative the whole time.

Well, Kylie's friend Jade got a hold of me to yell at me for failing Kylie. Can't say much. She's right. I could have done more. But she's also wrong. In the end, only Kylie could have made the choice to not give up. Nothing we said or did would have made as much of a difference as her having the will to live. Of course knowing that doesnt make me feel any less guilty....