Recently I made a post that was pretty down. I am getting better, working with my GT helps, but still it creeps up on me sometimes. If I made anyone nervous I apologize, overall many of you are better friends than I have in life.
I knew someone - someone from work who I thought of as a friend, but she probably didn't. She was a pretty brunette, very popular, super smart, outgoing, lots of friends and very ambitious (but in the good sense of the word). I didn't know her too well, really, and despite having met her face-to-face just a few times, I liked her a lot, and I thought of her as a friend, like I said. I just hope that she remembered me in the same way, although I think that was a futile hope, given how many people she knew.
I was reading this book about a woman who has a breakdown on my breaks at work, and it got me thinking about visiting my brother in the mental ward when we were both kids.
Well, last night at work, we were sharing some stories about our respective childhoods, and I talked about snapping and almost killing my stepfather, ending with the statement "I'm dangerous."
I phoned the doctor's office about the stuff they were supposed to send to the gender specialist, and they dont have any record of the stuff at all. Nothing in my file except I came in for a full work-up, nothing else.
I honestly dont know what to do now.
My best option I think is to get the stuff from the gender doc again, go to a different doctor and go through the whole thing again, but considering I suffered a week of flashbacks after the last time, I would rather not.
I sighed. "Why do you keep asking me that? I’m not attached to it. Well, um, physically but not mentally."
"Yeah but don't you–it's just–" he shivered as he kind of held his own crotch protectively. I laughed at this and reassured him that I'd be very happy to have it gone, even though much of the tissue would still be there, just, rearranged.
I see the gender doc tomorrow, and for some reason, I'm nervous. It will be the first time I see him since I got my exam, and since my family doc wants me to lose weight, I'm not sure what's going to happen.
I'm going to come out to my parents hopefully on Wednesday, and start my transition as soon as possible after that, but I have several questions.
1. What kind of doctor do I have to see to begin?
Morning came, and with my ablutions done I went to the reception, having gotten impatient in waiting for Jano. On the way down the elevator I saw a man who looked like he was Thai, dressed in semi-formal garb with long sleeved striped polo and slacks. “Konnichiwa,” he said to me, thinking I was Japanese. Hmm, who was that guy? I just smiled since it’s not that uncommon I get mistaken for a Korean or Japanese in my early 20s. Must be my orange hair, eyeliner, and semi-pigtails. Mostly my fashion sense is a mix of Hong Kong and Japanese style, and a little young for my actual age of 28, but that’s just how I am. Being a managing partner of our own multimedia firm and marketing communications lead in my day job gives me certain liberties in my fashion sense. Getting to the reception area at the 3rd floor of the hospital, I quickly got registered and found out that my surgery date had been bumped up by one day, so instead of two days later I was having it the next day. Yay! But that also means we have one remaining day to finish our project.
I'm already 14 days post-surgery, but I thought I might as well post from the day I left my country and arrived in Bangkok. It might be of interest to some.
S Day Minus 2 - Oh my GGG–! PANIC MODE!
"Damn it, why haven't you started packing?" I screamed at Z, my boyfriend and partner of three years.
"I’ll be fine. Some shorts, shirts–it’ll be quick," he shrugged nonchalantly. "How many clips to go?"
Much to my surprise, I have a new kitty; the runt of the litter. She is yellow, with white tufts of hair. She has what look sort of like pixie wings just behind her front shoulders; hence the name Pixie. At 10 weeks old she is so tiny! She's sleeping inside my top right now, under my pull over dress, but over my T shirt, that says,"Run Like A Girl". Right now, I am fantasizing about being preggers. :) I am carrying the baby reall high right now. It will be months until I deliver her.
So I get home this morning after slaving for the man. Delivering papers is harder than people would think (and I have one unaccounted for, damn it). My roommate tells me that about 5 cop cars were at the house at 5 a.m. All the cops asked was if she had called 911 and if she was alone. I have no idea what that was about, but me and the Tampa Police Department is like a marriage that ended in a nasty murder/suicide (Really, really, really bad). So, outside of worrying that the cops are out to fuck with me again, I don't know if there is anything to worry about.
Hi, everyone, it's Bobbie C, just saying a quick hi-n-hello! Hope everyone's having a good time and being nice to each other. And hi to all my friends in BCTS - won't mention names, but you all know who you are :)
And I also just wanted to say I and my family are doing super-fine as well, so don't any of you worry about me.
See you all later!
p.s. I am cookin up something pretty big for BCTS, hopefully in time for Christmas. Wish me luck!
Right now, I'm in manic mode, and you'd think that would be good news compared to being depressed, and there are some benefits to it, but there are risks too.
Well, after I vented here, I decided that I wanted to start to figure out how I could break my mood, and I started with reading a very funny book while waiting for Sam to get off the bus.
I finally figured out my life, I have all the answers, its so simple that it was easily overlooked and I could just shoot myself for not realizing it early. Unbeknownst to me, I am starring in my own sitcom. Of course I don't hear the laugh track or the theme music because I live this sitcom pre-edit (and with as much as I am cursing lately, it certainly needs to be edited unless I am airing on HBO or Comedy Central). This has to be the truth, because nothing else can possible explain the bizarre, asinine situations I find myself in.
Last night, my daughter couldn't find the little communication book she's supposed to bring home from school, but didnt admit it until we were picking up her mother. Her mother was upset, and I promised to check at my house, and I thought it was over with.
Then this morning, her mother called and started yelling at my mother for Sam not having the book, and then my mom started coming down on me for not being responsible and involved with my daughter, and I ended up getting angry myself, yelled at Sam's mother, and went back to bed.
Life is what happens in between making plans and actualising them. Families are collections of random lunatics the universe throws together because they share some genetic material, friends are people we like.
My daughter got married last week, she went with her partner to New York and they got spliced in Central park. I've seen some photos and it looked really nice. It also means I've not seen either of my children get married. They did it for all sorts of reasons, the trip to New York, but part of it, rightly or wrongly, I suspect is to avoid having to explain me.
On August 26, I suffered a heart attack, which I did not recognize as one as it had none of signs. Just a stiffness in the chest which I thought was part of the bronchitis I thought I had. I called the EMT on the 30 because of shortness of breath. I was sitting in the ER waiting to them to discharge me when the doctor came and told me they thought I had a heart attack. The next week they took all kinds of tests, found that the valves were good, most of it was viable the only area was the small area in the middle bottom of the heart which was gone.
It would seam that a mischievous Crow spirit named Murphy has had a bit of fun at my expense. I had just put the finishing touches to Part 2 last night and was going to send it off for editing this morning. When I got ready I installed my SD chip and received the message the chip had died taking the story with it.
So there will be a short delay while I reconstruct my original work from my copious notes including an Idea I had a SB napkin to write it on.
When I had applied to work at Wal-Mart, I had sent applications to all the locations in Edmonton and area, and it was the St. Albert location that called me, interviewed me, and hired me.
Sometimes, I get ideas in my head and I say to myself, I say "Keith," Keith is the name I was given at birth and the one I generally go by outside of online (otherwise known as real life), "this is brilliant and sure to work. Your problems will be solved and you can go on to whatever next big thing is on the horizon."
So, a few months ago, I hatched a plan. I saw how it was suppose to play out, and, like most things, I planned to see it through.
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
