I think I am in the worlds strangest relationship:

Let me explain.

As it is now, I am in a gay, straight, straight, lesbian relationship. The second straight is not a typo and this isn't a relationship that has a lot of people in it, just two.

Everyone knows I am trans. You might not know that my boyfriend is trans as well. Where I am m2f, he is f2m. Did anyone see that coming? I certainly didn't. So, depending on a person's views and what social setting we are in, we can be any one of the four relationships.

More explanation:

At my job, where I am not out to everyone yet (because I don't give a shit about most people there), but Felix presents as a guy: I am in a gay relationship

In the focus on the family sense (which refuses to see either of us as trans): I am in a straight relationship where I am the dude and Felix is the chick

In reality (the way we view the relationship): I am in a straight relationship where I am the lovely lady and Felix is the knight in shining armor.

And at church, where I am out but Felix isn't out to everyone: I am part of a lesbian couple.

I need one of those four sided d and d dies so I can figure out what relationship I am in at any given time.

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Now for news and problems:

I have only been dating Felix since January, but it's like I've known him for years. I am already thinking marriage (please, please, please, with sugar on top and a cherry). I have never felt this way about anyone. He tells me I'm beautiful and refers to me as gorgeous. We talk for hours. We are very open, I've kept no secrets. We also are upfront with each other, something I am learning to do. I have hurt him and he has told me about it. He has hurt me and I have told him about it. Nothing major just little hurts. It is a big step for me to tell someone that they've hurt me. I am such a pleaser that I often don't say a word. For Valentine's day, he got me a pink bible with my name engraved on it. "Katie Leonard" I know there are a lot of anti-religious people here, but the gift said a lot to me.

The sex has been wonderful. It has been quite some time for me and in the past, sex has always gone poorly. I an hoping for some advice from people on hormones though. Things work completely different (I won't say wrong). I am not orgasming the way I use to. The other night, Felix was pleasuring my breast and I was clawing at the walls. I mean, damn, it was the best feeling ever. But, with as good as that felt, the part that I've always had and don't want isn't cooperating. I don't orgasm that way unless I do it myself manually. Is that part of the hormones or am I completely fucked up (pardon the pun)? I try to explain it to Felix, but part of me wonders if he is disappointed he can't get me to climax in the traditional way.

Also. During sex, I am becoming aware of how much I'm not in the correct body. I have a desire to be penetrated but not anally, but I don't have anything there. Is this common for pre-ops?

When I started this journey, I thought that just writing stories would be a good outlet.
Then, after ten years, I took a step and thought just being put on hormones would be enough and I was happy with that.
Then I came out. I thought that would be as far as I would go. Let's face it, I never thought I would get this far.
Now, I am in a relationship (thank you God for blessing me beyond my expectations) and realize that I like being with another person.
I never thought I would even consider SRS. Now I want it. I want it today. The more I go down this road, the more unbearable being in this body is. Is that normal? shouldn't I be happy that I'm progressing? Part of me wonders that if I knew this would be where I was in terms of body image, that I might not have headed down this road in the first place.

Today, I am lonely. My Dream Come True had to go to Vegas for a funeral. I am in Florida. It sucks. He lives an hour away and we don't normally meet during the week as it is, but knowing he is thousands of miles away makes it worse. I'm probably being silly. Perhaps I will listen to a few sad songs and pet my cats.

Being in love is wonderful, but sometimes it can really suck

Thanks for your time.