It has happened again, so maybe it's time to stop thinking that it is a coincidence. This is the second time in 2 weeks and it still gives me hope that I can pass.

I turned 55 today.

I lost my voice at work last night. Even swallowing hurt. I'm hoping this goes away soon ....

I really do try to keep on top of my writing. You can ask those part of team WAM that I normally stick to my schedule. BUt I am too heart broken to even try tonight. How can I not weep for the loss of innocence today? I have always been emotional, always quick to shed a tear, but some things just break my hear more than I can bear.

So, Monday evening I was studying a book with three other women. We found the material quite interesting and I felt a bit overwhelmed and slightly emotional about it.

I really don't know what's wrong with me. I wish I knew, really I did. It's the fact that I know who I am, I know what I am, but still I hide it from the world and even from myself.

The first and probably only cold snap has hit South Texas. So we get our winter this year, according to extended forecasts this should last into the first part of January, but I'm skeptical. Time to go shopping for a winter wardrobe (I wish). Now I know you Yankees are poo pooing our winter, but when eight months out of the year temperatures are 95 ° and above you get excited when the cold comes. I will be enjoying my walks in the fresh morning air for awhile. So this Texas gal says bundle up little dogies and keep warm if you can, find someone to cuddle up with. Freezing smiles, Jenn.

Well, my car wouldnt start last night, and I probably didnt handle it well. I got a ride home from a friend, being unable to find the number for my road-side service company, and afraid that a tow truck would take forever in this kind of weather.

I focused on going home, figuring my best chance of thinking straight would be after getting a nights sleep, but I should have realized my mom would panic and wake me up and freak out when she realized the car wasnt home.

Hi everyone!

I really wanted to wait before I posted this until I understood it myself, but that is probably never going to happen. I don't think I have the mental capacity to wrap my brain around the issue and part of me is hoping that as a collective group we can come up with at least some theories why I am so fucking worthless that I deserve all the shit that comes my way.

Why is it that some people feel that telling someone that is over weight they look to have lost some when they have no idea if they have is a complement? (okay reading that sentence lost even me, I'm probably doing something grammatically incorrect.)

OK, I need some help please?

Heyo! Your friendly neighborhood Jenn here with some random stuff to talk about. Job is going well at the new store, already feel like a valued member of the team. The manager who I respect and know outside of work as a friend, made an effort in the store meeting to convey to the staff that I was to be treated as a resource due to my long experience working for the company. He said he expected the others to go to me if any questions need answering, and a member of management is not available. He has asked me to take on new duties to bring the new store up to speed.

Some of you know I'm a pastor. I've been available to anyone who needs me. Usually I've been able to say something reassuring, helpful, etc... Now it's me, I'm feeling adrift, and unable to control the way my life is moving.

Some facts. First, I'm not taking any hormones, second, I've been actively losing weight.

Well yesterday (Sunday) I came out to my folks, their reaction ... Oh ok ... Are you sure? ... This is going to make your life even harder ... etc ... no screaming, no shouting just acceptance (with a large side order confusion)

So. Yaayness I'm out to my folks, I'm just waiting for the local NHS trust to put my referral through the Charring Cross GIC and so far all systems are go. Now if only I could have my Benefits run as smoothly :(

Happy Huggles
Sammi (who is one step closer to being one with herself :))

This day has had an enormous swing of emotions and since my only friends are on this site, I figured I would share them with you.

Well, I had a very good night at work, and it helped beat back the negative self-talk I had been fighting with, and that's a good thing.

Well, last night, Samantha's mother found a letter at her work that said the health department had done an inspection of the doctor's office she cleans, and said the bathrooms are below par.

I dreamt of a man last night.

It wasnt a sexual dream, but he was standing in front of me, and I found myself realizing he had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen.

At this point, I've been asked to leave my house. I'm sure I can move that date forward or backward by as much as a month.

Well, a couple of days ago Kylie got a hold of me, which was good, since by then I was pretty much convinced I'd never hear from her again, and that she was going to go off herself.

What am I thankful for? Easy answers right, maybe not. The standard stuff applies here I have my family, my job, the roof over my head, but I am also very thankful for friends. I have two friends who know me now both have been my friends for many years and I was pretty sure they would be supportive. Talking to them has brought me to a better place, I can honestly say I was headed in a not so good direction and wasn't sure how it would have ended.

ts my weekend, and boy, am I glad. Two days off, yay!

Well, I hit a new low, a good one. I am now down to 192 pounds, and holding. Now to get through Thanksgiving without putting any on, which is almost inevitable, but I have managed to keep the controlled loss going so far. I am planning stopping just short of anorexia, say under 170 pounds, then letting HRT put the fat back on where it will.