well, my brother and sister in law took the time to send replies to my facebook post about finding guys attractive, and frankly, their reaction stings. My brother's reply pretty much implied that I was trying to talk myself into being attracted to a guy, and not only that, that I had talked myself into feeling like a girl in the first place.
He may not have meant to hurt me, but I find his response to be a slap in the face, and it hurts.
Gonna go cry for a bit, then I'm gonna fix my face, and start moving again. Not going to let this stop me....
Comments
Facebook is the root of everything evil :-)
It stupefies me, why anyone could want to share anything important on Facebook???
And me personally I would be very upset if any of my relatives posts something of this magnitude on face palm ... sorry ... book before telling it to me in person. And yes, I' m very old fashioned in this even after spending 25 years in IT :-)
And just in case...
... my point was that IMO there is more than 90% probability that your family had rejected not you but rather method of communicating things.
Defriend them and change your facebook name
No need to let your family follow your every thought. That way you don't give them the fuel to hurl insults at you with. Doesn't sound like they are going to love you anytime soon either, so hey! make the change :)
Friend up only those who matter.
Sephrena
IMO, you could get better rejection from family rate...
...using twitter...
You know, "Gone to work"
"My coworker is bastard" #bastardcoworkerstrikesagain
"I'm a girl and like boys"
"My boss is understanding" #bestunderstandingbossintheworld
If any of my relatives tried this I would have been extremely upset even while having nothing against TG, TV, Gay or Lesbian lifestyles by themselves.
And this suprises you, why?
Its not like it hasn't happened to the rest of us, and we have all talked of it.
Being honest....
...doesn't mean leaving yourself open to hurt and disappointment. You've heard and seen enough of your family to know that they love you but run from lukewarm to cold regarding your gender issues. I think that having a separate account reserved to communicate with those who accept all of you is probably the best way to handle that, as Sephy suggests. If you want to remain friends with your family, communicate through a venue that is more able to keep in touch without leaving yourself open.
Love, Andrea Lena
Being honest on facebook? instead of informing relatives...
.... directly? Maybe if your relatives are under 12 years old. 12 year olds do not know the difference...
Any way, it's good idea to share such things directly first. In many cases results differ from desired. But at least you would not be accused with sharing things with the world before paying attention to your kin and blood.
What I meant...
...which occasionally comes out quite differently; that she already knows how her family will respond to any and all things regarding her gender issues. Why risk the continued disappointment and rejection that is bound to come if she posts about her ongoing transition? Wouldn't it be better to either have a separate account to which they have the address that doesn't go into those issues as all? Or perhaps, as was suggested, not have them as 'friends' on facebook should she continue to subscribe to that service? It's just that any discussion at this point is almost assured of bringing opposition. And of course, I could be entirely wrong about it.
Love, Andrea Lena
I know that my family will react ...-
... differently to me saying that I have gender issues than to finding on my Facebook page that i'm a girl and like boys. Not because of any kind of bigotry but just because Facebook message to the world is very different kind of thing to saying it to your relatives. When you have no relations with your parents, brothers-in-law and sisters, than their opinion should not matter. If you try to maintain re,actions - you should inform your relatives first if anything happens I your gender situation.
Just in case, it's just my personal opinion not related to anything in the lives of anybody else.
I would un-friend them
I agree with Andrea. I have had to do that with my family for various reasons. Anyone who you need to un-friend may not understand why you did it, but that is the whole point to begin with.
I really do think of Facebook as a way to find support and keep track of those I care about. If you do not qualify for either of those two, then I do not need you as a friend.
I really want some jelly beans.
Love & Light,
Cassie Ellen
I agree with Andrea on this issue
That the family in this case, the brother and sister in law, are the problem. They go out of their way to make sure Dorothy suffers. So in her case, the advice to defriend and have a separate account is both prudent and wise.
I suffer similarly as Dorothy does, however, I have both a father and sister that both hate me to my core for being who I am which biologically is not my fault. So I do understand the issue and why I stand where I do on it.
However, this advice is not meant to be across the board. Everyone's situations are different. Manic, what you say does make sense and to do so for the first few times. But if your family or relatives begin using the children to wield as a weapon against you to hurt you, then my advice stands to follow.
Just remember, your biological family does not need to know everything about your life or you. However much you decide to let them know is up to you.
Sephrena
Just try to imagine yourself...
...in place of such kind of brother. When your "relative" prefers to share his/her founding on Facebook without any attempt to discuss it with you.
I'm not trying to support brother.
I'm not trying to hurt Dorothy.
I'm just trying to insinuate that you have to share things with family before sharing them with the world via Facebook. Not because of facebook keeping track of you. But because of keeping in touch with your roots.
Well, that is only if you consider them "family"
If she broke off relations with them, she has every right to post what she wants to on her facebook page. And since she is a legal adult, she does not need to share info with her "family" first in anything. How she wants to relate to others is up to her. Most trans people do not have good family relations, that is more the norm and having good relations being the rarity.
Too much in the way of religious beliefs and some societal lapses that these people have grown up with letting them spout hatred of people like "us." And thinking its some kind of disease that can spread if others "not tainted" by us get near them.
If she gets along with her family and its just her brother and her sister inlaw, then.. you know.. whatever she decides.
Getting in touch "with your roots" is not a positive thing for trans people when those "roots" are bad. Hence, thats why most trans people sever family relations when that family does not try nor attempt to understand.
Its entirely a matter of living in a conducive environment to be yourself and not constantly hear hate crap or why "you" are such a sin or abomination. And it also helps to avoid the beatings or threats and the having your car and personal items destroyed by "familial" vandalism by not letting them know where you are and what you do.
I do consider most of my friends here on BCTS my "family." I do get better treated here than in rl (my rl is a horror story.)
Hiding with a differently named facebook account is healthy and keeps your friends separated from your roots.
And never use your good email addresses with facebook. Use throwaway email accounts.
I don't feel the need to say anything more on the issue Manic. It just boils down to how things are and where Dorothy decides to take it. I have and am living in the same sort of situation Dorothy is only much much worse. I am speaking from my experience on my end of things.
I really do hope Dorothy can have good relations with her family.
I want the best for anyone.
And the view that you have Manic, I wish could apply to Dorothy - having a loving and caring family.
Sephrena
I was about to let my family on my FaceBook.
But your experience has brought me to my senses.
Frankly you can ignore any attraction changes
... if you really want to. That is what I have found unless you have gone 100% het of course. You can be merely bi-curious unless you become obsessed only with guys then yep you have become het. I think it would make it clearer to yourself how serious your attraction to men is if you can explain to yourself what it is about men you find so attractive to you at the moment. Is it a crush? Is it their bodies? Is it their 'masculine attitude'? What? Your explanation of what you find attractive about men is kinda nebulous at the moment.
As far as family goes, it is up to you which part of family really matters to you. In-laws frankly should not be high on the list unless you had a close friendship with them before. All of us have had to grow a thick skin to get over the hurts of dealing with family.
Kim
Screw Sexual Attraction.
I am not sexually attracted to anyone, this many years after SRS. However, I will accept hugs, cuddles and warm bodies sleeping next to me from any gender, no matter how many there are. No takers, and I doubt that there will be any. I've had a good run of it and I should not complain that there is no longer any filling in the doughnut.
G
Incomprehensible
That anyone actually believes that you talked yourself into wanting to be a girl is as ridiculous as saying that being gay is a lifestyle choice, that being heterosexual is a lifestyle choice for that matter. No one in their right mind would want to talk themselves into something that can cause them such pain. You are who you are.
Cheers,
Drew