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I've been thinking and praying a lot today, and I've decided I'm going to continue my transition, the rejection by my brother and sister-in-law notwithstanding. Maybe that makes me a "selfish bitch" in my sister-in-laws words, but it has to be done. I love them, and my heart aches that they think this transition somehow hurts them, but I have to seek wholeness.
I hope to become a good example to both Christians and non-Christians alike, and with His grace as my comfort, His wisdom as my guide, and His kingdom as my goal, I pray to fulfill all that He has for me to do, so that when I see Him face to face, he will say "Well done, daughter."
But in the meantime, I can only try and grow, day by day, and hope that someday my growth will be so obvious to them they will have to admit this was the right decision, and I will welcome them into my life with open arms.
Meanwhile, I refuse to hold a grudge, and I resist the temptation to lash out in revenge. I ask forgiveness for all the wrongs I have committed, but that forgiveness isnt in my hands, and I believe that at least in the eyes of God I am already forgiven.
To those who read this little blog and care what happens to me, bless you all.
Comments
I was unaware...
That you were even considering quitting just because your brother's a jerk and sister-in-law is a selfish bitch ;)
No, Dot, You're Not The One Wrong Here. Let them eat their punch and drink their cake.
Abigail Drew.
Agreed...
You will get there before me, but (God willing) we will get there.
With your decision
I feel that you will grow stronger every day.
I applaud you in refusing to hold a grudge and asking forgiveness. I had a lot of hatred toward a family member in order for me to move on.
I think you will find a lot of support among your friends here.
I for one cares what happens to you.
Bill
Forgiveness
Congratulations on your decision.
Since you identify as Christian, remember that God's Grace is automatic - you just have to ask for it. The problem is to forgive yourself, and that is in your hands. What other people do is whatever they do, and that's a function of God's gift of Free Will.
Xaltatun
Dorothy's Decision
Dot, you love them. And they love you, I'm sure. But they see your life through their own bias and their own agendas. They say you're selfish for becoming your true self on the outside and living the way that feels more natural to you. That's not selfish. That's what we all should be allowed by default. It's selfish of them to belittle you for being true to yourself and being the best person God wants you to be, just because they don't want to "lose" their brother and have him be replaced by this Dorothy person... I understand their position, but they are still the ones being selfish. And you know this, Dot, just as you know the other stuff they are saying is BS, but a part of you would rather pretend maybe they're right rather than call them on their BS and hurt feelings, even though yours were hurt by what they said...
Like when they posted that stuff on Facebook that hurt you, and your friends took them to task for it, and they complained that it hurt their feelings, and that you should have stood up for them... despite that it was your friends on Facebook who were standing up for YOU when THEY said the hurtful things to YOU. But of course, their own bias and agenda made them see it as they were just trying to HELP you realize this wacky Dorothy stuff and this liking men as well as women stuff are just delusions you talked yourself into, when in fact they are the ones hurting you by being unsupportive because they are the ones who are uncomfortable with you being true to yourself, to them, and to the world.
Or something like that...
My friend, you have to be yourself, first. You can best help others in life if you first are happy and complete in your own life. And if your "loved ones"/family instead expect you to sacrifice your own happiness and do what they want, then they are the selfish ones.
I think the plan you've outlined in the above blogpost is probably the best way to handle the situation. Don't cave in to their wishes, but don't attack them for it either. Just stay strong and continue your transition and hope they see how happy and healthy it lets you be, and that they accept it and come back into your life in a more positive role.
For what it's worth, my fingers are crossed...
Lisa, Fellow Angel
You need to care for yourself first
Dot -
I can understand that you are concerned about how you are being accepted and perceived by your brother and sister-in-law.
The most important question for you to answer is how would you feel about yourself if you lived according to your family's desires and perceptions? If you tried to do that, you would tear yourself apart.
Any kind of transition is most often a lonely path for those of us who can do so. Those of us who live in secret deal with our share of problems, thank heaven for medication.
Good for you to have the strength to be true to yourself. I hope that your brother can come to accept you over time. I'm sure that your sister-in-law is only reflecting the hurt that your brother thinks he is entitled to feel. But he is not the one who is in need here, you are.
Hugs,
Monica Rose.
Revenge is very right thing to do accrding to ...
... the part of Bible where it is wrong to crosdress :-) So if somebody uses that on you, you have moral right to go into "eye for the eye" mode :-)
You are worrying a little bit to much. And hiding your head in religion is not the best thing to do in most situations.
If you want god to help you - first you have to start (or continue) doing something. Remember joke about guy praying for lottery win for 40 years and then god just appears to say: "For my sake! Buy a lottery ticket!"
And forgiveness... is a concept I hate most about Christian religions. Don't do things that have to be forgiven! If you do bad things - be responsible for your actions and deal with consequences. I know too many religious people who do terrible things to others then just go to church, pray, and everything is "forgiven". So they go and do more terrible things to others knowing that everything will be "forgiven by god".
And if you done nothing bad to others - you don't have to beg for forgiveness!
Sorry for this rant...
Anyway, I know perfectly well that nobody can hurt you more than immediate family. You just have to be strong to not let it get to you. Or just go and have a good cry. Result is almost the same, but god cry is easier on your nerves and mind (IMO).
My best wishes to you and don't let jerks of the world get to you.
Your # 1
It is not always bad to be selfish, as it is not always right to be selfless. When it comes to declaring who you are and what you are it is very safe ground to be selfish. It is not wrong to be true to your self, in fact it is the most responsible thing for you to do. You can not make another person feel or do anything. That is there choice to feel or do what ever the feel or do. This is not yours so do not take responsibility for it.
Simply put If they chose to act like the north end of a south bound donkey then how can take what they say seriously. Who would take advice from an ass, picture that every time they talk to you or about you.
Bailie's Miss behaving Angle
Michele
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book
You hit it right on the head.
You can't do anyone much good when you are a mess. Even without taking your own happiness into account, building yourself up is the right thing to do. Think of it as the exercise and training that we must go through in basic training. The fact that you like the results doesn't take away from the fact that it is good for everyone around you, too.
Your decision to not hold a grudge, and to not lash out speaks well of your faith. I know how hard it can be to make that work. I'm struggling with something like that right now, and it's not a family member, or even someone that I have to (or desire to) interact with at all.
Dorothy, Dear,
It's not your brother's life, nor is it your sister-in-law's. It's not about them! It's about you! You can't make others happy by making yourself miserable. I understand believe me, I do... Do what you must.
If they love you as a person, they'll come around. If you're only a reflection on them, you're only an accessory, not a person who's loved for the wonderful warm person you are, and alas, you can't control that.
God bless you,
Ole
We are each exactly as God made us. God does not make mistakes!
Gender rights are the new civil rights!
Forgiveness
Makes me think of Matthew West's "Forgiveness." You might want to listen for inspiration to live out your decision.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
Selfish?
You're not selfish Dorothy, if anyone is being selfish it's your brother an sister in law. Obviously their own happiness at having you remain male and something they can understand is more important than your own happiness.
Speaking as one who has gone through transition I think that while it may seem selfish to those who don't understand, for us that little bit of selfishness is a necessary evil. If you don't transition you'll likely be miserable and make everyone around you feel miserable at seeing you unhappy all the time, I know because I've been there and done that. If transition makes you happy and people see you as happy it shouldn't matter why, people who truly love you will accept that and be happy that you're happy. If they don't then they are far more selfish than you.
In the end it doesn't matter. Be you, be happy and be strong enough to say if they don't want me happy than I'm better off without them. Take it from someone who's been there, being seen by a few morons as a "selfish bitch" just doesn't matter if you're happy and whole.
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3