yesterday I had two dreams that have me thinking I might be going in a good direction.

In the first I was in line to see a movie and wanted to make sure I'd be able to stop at the concession stand, and in the second I was at university and headed towards my locker after my last class.

What made these dreams different was that I knew where I wanted to go, I just had to make the journey, instead of feeling anxious that I wouldn't be able to find what I was looking for.

So hopeful, I think.

So Mom and I thought we were feeling well enough to go get some groceries, but while walking around Walmart, my knee tweaked and Mom told me to go back to the car.

Once back at the car, I had a complete breakdown - crying, shaking, and not being able to stop.

Fortunately I had myself under control by the time mom came out with the groceries, so she didn't see my breakdown, but honestly, I still feel pretty shaky

so hugs appreciated.

about the twenty seventh Gaby Book.

Feels a lot like 2021 so far!

well in UK time anyhow!

I wonder if I am going to be doing my SRS/GRS for the right reasons. My friend mentioned that if you are not doing it for the sex, then why do you do it?
No I might hope that I could have a sexual relationship, given my age and my social awkwardness, it seems unlikely to ever happen.

which i'm sure you'll all understand!

Well, after listening to all the advice I was given, I will share my Christmas miracle.

To give some context, before my transition I was terrified that I would lose the people I loved if I came out, and of course that did not happen.

Despite that, there two people with deep concerns about what I was doing and why, my brother and sister-in-law.

Honestly I was just glad they were not actively trying to stop me.

Which brings us to Christmas.

I needed a bit of cheer, December has been a bit 2nd rate so far, and remembered that I should have had the cheap Christmas earrings out this week. (digs the box out) Well, they had the desired effect. Wife, Mum, and work are getting used to my little eccentricities now, for which I am grateful and appreciate that I am lucky in that respect. Anyway, jingle jingle! Frequent head shakes to hear them :-)

I wanted to comment on my story, "Moments of Madness", and offer some support to people who might feel similar, even if different, to how I felt at that time.

I am reposting the story mainly because I needed to fix it up and get it out there again. This is mostly because it is to help me and my feelings I have now, but maybe someone who reads it might feel a connection, and it might help them, perhaps.

But today was a bad day.

After a nice Saturday with Sharon and Sam, including a gift exchange, we were surprised when Sharon called us and said she'd left a bag at a drug store.

So this afternoon we went down there, picked them up, took them to the store, and got the bag, and then Sharon said she needed to go to a local mall. I assumed it was some last minute shopping but when we got there she asked how long she and Sam could take in the mall, and feeling slightly boxed in, I said they could have an hour, and mom said they could have an hour and a half.

I'm not really hundred percent sure of this it was pretty incredibly strange. As an American living in the UK, it was something I'd heard a little about but not seen before. I'm of course talking about what I guess can only be called a British theatrical tradition the British pantomime. My family tried to explain it to me but I guess didn't really know where to start especially the pantomime dame. I have to admit a lot of it went over my head probably a lot of that was due to being deaf.

on the feast of Stephen. there were all sorts of exotic goodies, Stephen really had pulled out all the stops, blackbird pie, crab apples but he must've of misread the recipe for pigs in blankets - the swineherd was fighting a losing battle trying to keep his charges wrapped!

One on a moped, two in a car....

la, la, la!

In about 4 hours, my 54 year old son, a Missionary, will be at my Apartment. We have not been on good terms despite my opinion that I do not agree that my belief does not condemn me. (Isa 56:4-5, and Matt 19:12) . I live as a woman and dress as such 100% of the time. I've even worked out how to ride my electric bike with an ankle length skirt on.

I could wear pants but my breasts are rather nice and too large to hide. I'm XXY and when I started Estrodial my body really liked it.

Pants, or no?

Gwen

Well, Sharon has decided to leave her job as a school custodian.

Between her reluctance to get vaccinated, and the fact that her doctor has told her she needs to cut back because of heart issues, she will be leaving Edmonton Public Schools at the end of December.

She has arranged that in the new year she will be working as a cleaner in a home three days a week.

I hope she's thought this all through, and knows how to get extra support if she needs it, as I simply do not have the funds to help.

Here where I live, perhaps 1 in 10 women wear skirts on the street no matter the season. It seems that T girls try harder and usually wear skirts. Why do we clock each other so easily?

In the time I've been out, I seldom wear pants, and if I do, I have Nursing Uniform pants that are very loose in the hips and wide legs. I own a couple pair of Jeans and can't remember when I last wore them. I'm sure that part of my hatred of pants could be owing to all the years I could not wear skirts perhaps.

well, the biggest day in the Christian calendar is only a month away!

This Critter needs a name:

certainly compared to recent weeks!

well, I accomplished some stuff today.

I got my eye exam done and new glasses ordered, I got my laundry done, and I went through all the paperwork in my paperwork drawer and put what I need to keep in an accordion file and threw out the rest.

so not bad.

we had a huge blizzard yesterday, so my brother and I spent about 2 hours between yesterday and today clearing it enough for our cars to be able to get out.

Once again, I'm reminded just how much I depend on him, as I would have taken 5 hours or more by myself.

Okay so I've been trying to be mindful of my emotional state during my current manic phase, and I think I found out something. I'm more suspectable to anger while manic.

I guess this makes sense, since I've seen people who are normally mild mannered turn angry and hostile after say having a few drinks.

So that's something I'm going to have to watch out for, but at least now I know it can happen.