Yep, last week we were heading into the warmest couple of days 'on record', this end of the week is as much as 20c cooler!

but its still under 30 degrees!

The first is my anniversary of a change of lifestyle which occurred on July 14 1986 when I went into my office in a skirt for the first time.
I am still amazed that there weren't more challenges and now 36 years later no one seems to care.

Second, it is 7 or 8 years since my son took his own life. I try not to despise my daughter-in-law, but it's hard.

Cleaning house, I stumbled upon some old records that show I have a Cyst on the right frontal lobe of my brain that was detected in 2012. I'm seeing my health care provider on Tuesday, and am mildly frightened. Do these things turn into something more serious? The internet is frightening the hell out of me.

So I went to the hospital last June 31, I'm trying to get this infection in my leg well and truly gone. I am currently in a nursing home being pumped to the gills with an antibiotic IV, I recently got my laptop from a friend and am unable to look up my passwords for my zoom account or my e-mail for that matter. When I get better I will resume where I can. The big thing I am currently worried about is not being able to take care of my finances weirdly enough I was able to get on my bank account but not my credit card accounts. When I know more you all will know more.

Progress! My GP has been in touch and emailed me a referral form for the Tavistock Gender Identity Development Service. Completed and sent directly to GIDS.

Date of referral is today!

I surrendered to Jaci's girl germs, and put on a skirt for my birthday yesterday.

Despite the fact I look like a dude in a dress, nobody said anything negative.

in fact, I got complimented on my outfit while in Walmart

I was getting a few things, and this lady had a little one in her shopping cart, who couldn't keep her eyes off me. I waved at the little one, and that's when the mom complimented me on my outfit

I think I blushed hard enough to drown out the lights.

well, I survived another year.

I turned 56 today.

my plan for the day?

Running Sharon and Sam around, as usual.

could be worse, at least I have my family in my life. Not all trans people do.

anyway, happy huggles from me.

as we say in these parts!

My mail on Saturday included a letter from my Doctor. I've been exchanging letters with her since March after I realised it had been 10 years since my initial 'gatekeeper' interview with an NHS shrink, and nothing had been heard since then. The irony is that the same GP was handling me then so at least she couldn't blame anyone else in the building. The main issue was that the original paperwork had been lost and now is beyond recovery, although I had scanned the original report that recommended referral.

well, I learned something about my manic phase today.

I never realized there is a path from my manic phase to Mr. Nasty, my negative self-talk.

But, there is.

Its because if I get angry while manic, that anger has more energy than when I'm depressed, and if the anger is caused by a sense of helplessness, and almost all my anger is, its really easy for that anger to shift focus to the helplessness itself, and then Mr. Nasty can start beating me up for being helpless.

Good to know, not fun to experience.

I'm sorry to have to tell you guys I wont have any new stories for a bit. The move, and then unpacking from the move, has taken most of my energy.

so once again, sorry.

My mother is going away with her friend for a weeks holiday. I went around her house to drop some magazines for them.

My mother called me into her bedroom and showed me she had sorted out some clothes for me. There was underwear including a nice new black slip, women don't seem to wear those these days. She told me I could wear it in bed as a nightgown. She also gave me few tops, a handbag and a woman's coat.

its nearly time for my lollidays!

yep, surprised me too!

well technically no, not until later in the month but it is the summer term in Euro schools.

latest chapter of TTSD is up:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/94317/ttsd-5-dot-hunting

Hey everyone,

As much as I was hoping to have the new Apocalypse Dawn chapter posted yesterday or even today it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. Between being busy and just having a spectacularly shitty week in general I probably won't have AD posted until tomorrow and I Wish until Thursday. Hopefully my appointment downtown tomorrow won't take too long and I can get stuff finished and posted at a decent hour.

*big hugs*

Amethyst

Well, I am in the home stretch in terms of the move.

We get the keys today, and pay our rent, and then we'll have a week to move whatever Mom and I can carry before the movers come for the furniture.

I am not sure how often I'll be able to check in, but when I can, I will.

Wish me luck, folks.

Or what i done this week.

has been sweeping the South West, at least its not too cold!

I am away on business tonight. It offers me an opportunity to be Leeanna. Normally I would get a quick bite to eat, shower, remove whatever excess hair I have, then dress and makeup. I don't get many chances to be "me" , so usually do it everytime I stay away.

I watch YouTube a lot and just about the only female on it that does not run around in a bikini a lot is Itchy Boots. Many of the women on YouTube wear the skimpiest bikinis and appear to like it a lot. Due to their wider Pelvis women can generally tolerate thong type bikinis very well, while a man would die in pain.

I'm roughly in the size range of a woman with respectable natural breasts and being post op, there is no tackle down below. If I shaved very well and made a trip to a makeup artist, then wore something sexy, I wonder if I would get away with it? Perhaps too risky?

Okay for some reason, this morning I was thinking about how when I was a kid I had a very specific routine when it came to being dressed.
It occurred to me the routine was what would be approprate for wearing some more feminine clothing - underwear, socks, then bottoms and then top being reasonable if you replace the socks with pantyhose.

It seems that I was pretending to dress more feminine as a way to cope with my dysphoria, which would make sense.

not sure what figuring that out now gets me, but knowledge is power, I guess.