Autobiographical

Blog Entry 10/6/22

Look, I don't know why I'm posting this. I swore I'd never post anything here again but where else am I going to put this shit. I can't talk to the people around me, I don't even tell my therapist the whole truth, but no one knows me here. No one cares and honestly, no one's going to read this. I just need to get it out there.

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dream time again

okay so last night, I dreamed I was laying on a beach, just relaxing listening to the waves, when a band started playing music near me. something in the music moved me, so I got up to thank them - and realized the top half of my bathing suit was missing.

I grabbed the towel I had been laying on to cover myself, apologized to the band, and ran like heck towards a building containing lockers where presumably my clothes were.

make of that what you will.

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Well, I'm back

Well, they fed her up on antibiotics, stuck needles in to drain her twice, and got tired of listening to her and shipped her back. So far she is able to be up moving about 30min a day, which just about covers restroom trips. Glad I learned to cook and do laundry as a kid. I went to pharmacy and picked up a months supply of meds and they counted 14 scripts to ensure they got them all. I'm really glad they don't count things like medicine, doctor bills, and hamburger when they are trying to figure inflation rates for pensions and social security, or I could get a real raise.

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Referral pt 4

I was doing some housekeeping on my file/media server when I came across a copy of a few long-deleted blog entries from 2012. This one from 2012-07-24 should be self-explanatory:

Anyone who knows me is aware that I seldom stop talking, but one little envelope in the mail managed to do just that.

The envelope was marked "Private & Confidential". I just knew it had to be the psychiatrist's report so opened it with some trepidation, especially given the experience I had 'enjoyed' in the company of the newly-qualified shrink two weeks ago.

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Can Someone Explain ?

How did I get here? I am not Gay, never was. YET somehow I am a post operative MtF woman and enjoy living that way. At 75 years old, there will never be intercourse, of that I am completely sure. Lots of those who I know figure I am Gay. I was married to a woman until 2005 for 38 years. She was as messed up as me perhaps, very unaffectionate. We rescued each other from terrible abuse. I worked very hard to heal from its effects. She refused to acknowledge that it ever happened.

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Surgeries

Just to let everybody know I'm doing fine since March I've started dialysis and I've had a double bypass surgery.
The Veterans Administration has upgraded me from 100% P&T to SMC -S. Aka 100% for kidneys and 100% for my heart. With a bunch of other rating 0% to 40%.

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Update: Thank You!

Hey everyone. This is an update and quick thank you (to be updated in the morning.).

As of right now we have met our immediate needs and that combine with a loan from a friend of BC will go a long way to some of us getting some needed sleep.

We aren’t 100% out of danger but we will likely be ok and have a better idea of what the immediate dilutive for BC looks like.

HuGs,
-Piper

There have been an awful lot of begging letters going out of late, and the most recent ones, I have to say, are solely my fault.

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For those who >can<, but have not yet ...

This is only for those who >can<, but have not yet contributed.
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Please think about what BCTS is worth to you.

When I sign into BCTS, the back of my mind whispers "checking up on friends".

Happy sniffles from well over half the stories that I/you read? (Me)

Will these ratty old shoes hold out till Social Security Pay Day? (Me)

A lot of us here have been reading for years or decades. (Me, only years.) And some have been writing for years to a decade-plus.

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Dammed if I do, dammed if I don't

I am an addict.

I am addicted to imagination.

Fantasy, science fiction, comics, almost anything would do as long as it allowed me to not deal with the real world.

Nowadays I get my fix mostly online, including the ability to create a fake version of me so I never had to face my real self.

The result is I am an overgrown child, completely unable to handle the adult world.

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Just an update for folks (I'm still around!)

Heya folks!

So, just wanted to let anyone who might be curious know I'm still around.

I haven't posted anything in a while... but that doesn't mean I haven't been working on stuff!

Believe it or not, I've got several stories in the works, a book on the way through Doppler when I come up in rotation, and I'm working on a few projects with a rather illustrious partner that y'all will eventually see the fruits of too!

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Life Is Sad At Times

I had been friends with someone here for many years and she helped me through times when I was Suicidal. We used to PM and use SKYPE a lot. I even drove hundreds of miles to visit a couple times. Then she decided to get married and suddenly it was just off and completely so. When I asked questions, suddenly another member here felt obligated to be mean and blunt with me, treating me as if I am a idiot. She even asked if she needed to spell it out for me? Then another member with no knowledge of the situation from across the pond was similarly acting like a YOB.

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strange call from Sharon last night

Something strange happened last night.

just as Mom and I were headed for bed, we got a call from Sharon. When Sharon is angry, her accent and speed of speech make her hard to understand, but from what I could gather, she had a "feeling from God" about some kind of evil coming into the house, and went to check on Sam, who was playing with her cell phone

Sharon asked to see what she was doing, and Sam refused, and Sharon lost it, and she had called us to take Sam for the night because Sharon couldn't have "a dark spirit" around.

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The Addictive Hum of the Teeming Sycophants

“Do you miss working?”

It’s been four months since I sold my last business. During that time, my blood pressure has dropped from an average of 130/85 to 110/65. My weight has also dropped fifteen pounds -- with little change in eating or exercise. I have hope that I’ll soon fit into the dresses in storage bins marked an accusatory “too small.” As if it was somehow their fault that my waist had disappeared over the years, causing them to become too tight.

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Bleh

Hey everyone,

I was hoping to get back into a regular posting schedule by now. even if it was bi-weekly instead of weekly. That plan kinda went tits up with the new job keeping me so damn busy and catching a terrible cold twice in the last month . My immune system sucks, and while I have people making sure I'm taking care of myself and taking vitamins, I can't wait until I can get my medical stuff for Ontario sorted so I can see a doctor about my hormones and anxiety meds. Work has kind of been stressing me out and pushing my anxiety so it might be contributing to things.

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if life would stop beating me up, that would be great

well, yesterday we managed to get the window on my car fixed, walking away 500$ poorer in the process.

Only to have that fix last less than 24 hours, thanks to my mom.

We were told to not put down the window for 24 hours when we picked up the car yesterday afternoon, but while doing a grocery run with her sister, my mom forgot and started to put the window down.

The glass didnt fall out, but its no longer in place.

So off we went back to the dealership today to get it fixed - again, but they haven't called us back, which means we are sans car for now.

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