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I wonder if I am going to be doing my SRS/GRS for the right reasons. My friend mentioned that if you are not doing it for the sex, then why do you do it?
No I might hope that I could have a sexual relationship, given my age and my social awkwardness, it seems unlikely to ever happen.
Now that has gotten me doubting myself and my decision to do GRS. Somehow it feels that “because I want to” is not a sufficient reason. There are some others, but even then a shallow operation (zero depth of vulvoplasty) would solve most problems as well as not having to dilate and easier “maintenance”.
Have I been idolising having a vagina? Do I consider this as a right of passage somehow? If this because I think I have to conform to some out-dated idea of what a woman is supposed to be.
I don’t know anymore. I am confused, I am worried, I am afraid, I am angry (at myself for not thinking this through completely first). I have a gnawing feeling that if I go for a vulvoplasty (shallow or zero depth) I’m gonna regret this later
Can the collective wisdom on this site help? At least with some fresh perspectives?
Comments
You do you
Do what you feel is your best choice for happiness. No one else is you, so giving advice is very difficult. Much love and don't make yourself crazy. :D
Just try to be the best you, you can be.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Is GRS worth it?
I had it done in mid 2007. What ever the experts say, I still have an XY brain. (actually XXY.... and a bunch of other stuff.) I am going to be 75 soon, and am disappointed to say that I will never think like a woman.
Perhaps in some very young subjects, pre pubescent? There are more Intersex folk than you'd think. Sure the statistics are not favorable, but when the numbers stop rolling and they point to you, who can say?
I went to Bangkok and Dr. Kamol did it cheap. The whole trip, hotel and plane ticket too was $12,000. Here in the states, you could approach many times that. After, if you present yourself as a genetic woman, and he finds out, you could be murdered. Males have very fragile egos. My neovagina is only about 2 1/2 inches deep. Before surgery, I was about 5-6 inches long, so ????????
Depth
Well, lack of depth is inevitably due to not being diligent with ones dilation schedule. I started out smaller than Gwen and wound up with the help of scrotal tissue to get a decent enough depth to probably handle a very average 6 but no deeper.
I frankly did it for myself and have had little sexual use of it but having a little depth believe it or not with the right vibratory stimulation at least in the first 3 inches is better in my opinion then only having clitoral stimulation.
That said, if one opted to have a vagina done but find out later that there is no need for it then just don't dilate and nature will happily 'heal' and close it up for you.
In the end I agree that it is up to her to decide but not at least having the option to 'try it out' is something that could be worthwhile.
I will heap on the ask the therapist bandwagon I think.
I agree with Erin,
That you need to be sure, whatever you decide to do. I saw the 'plumber' back in 1991 and have never regretted it. I have had sex and it wasn't that comfortable but it was nice to please a partner. That was quite a while ago and I think further relationships are unlikely. However, sex was not the main reason for having the op, it was because it showed externally what I felt inside that I was female and finally, my body and mind were in agreement for the first time. I have no regrets but you must decide what your needs are and deal with them.
I suspect talking to your therapist may be very useful in helping you reach the right conclusion.
Angharad
Your friend
Has sex on the brain. If you are doing it solely for the sex, I'd say don't do it. My sister had her's done some years back and she has not had sex with any man. She was molested at 5-6 yrs of age so I can understand that.
She proudly proclaims herself a gold star (and a lipstick) lesbian. That's her business, not mine, and I don't pry.
Thing is, the sex drive ends long before you die (hopefully). If you do it solely for the sex, you may have a bitter old age.
Do it for yourself, nobody else. Decide what you want, and stick to your decision.
They know they can survive
You should
Take the time to really meditate on this. I personally decided to not get it cause the risk vs reward seemed to high.
that and I'm comfortable with my body now.
this is a big step and if you're doing it just for sex then that's not right.
if you're comfortable as you are now then save your money but if you believe it's needed in order for you to be happy then go for it. but don't let anyone pressure you.
this is your decision.
And I...
Agree with Angharad.
note: I'm having trouble with cognition and memory. I think I write disorganized and can't edit to make it succinct.
Mom took DES so from a young age I said and thought I was a girl. After this I was harassed by my dad and learned to keep quiet. Got married, had a career, but around mid-life-crisis time I couldn't stand it and transitioned. I didn't think about risk and rewards; I thought do I want it or not and I did. I had long desired (had newspaper articles 6 yrs before I decided to transition) being in a "tall club", wymin 5'10" min, men 6'2". As soon as I healed up I went to a meeting and picked up a nice looking, acting guy. I took him home and had the most amazing, wonderful love making. I'd dilated a lot and with petty big dildos, the sex was pain-free and the orgasms were the greatest experience I'd ever had in my life. He left for a family emergency out of state, I'd told him I was trans, a big mistake I think, so he never contacted me again. I had a bunch of other men, but I didn't like how I was treated and the sex wasn't that great. I remembered Kim from a party before my surgery, we got together and the lesbian sex was also great. I just needed to be stimulated properly, I responded quite quickly and the orgasms were the same and just as wonderful.
I wanted the whole GRS because I wanted to be as similar to a GG as possible, because of gender dysphoria. I still regret the guy-ness in my voice and build. Reacting to bullying, I somehow caused my voice to get lower during grade school. I liked to sing and was fairly good; in high school I joined the church choir that my mom sung with and sung baritone (actually it was soprano, alto, tenor, bass, but occasionally I couldn't hit the lowest 2 notes in the bass part). After paying for my and Kim's GRS, I was very low on money so I didn't go for facial fem surgery and I heard voice surgery had mixed results. I didn't have much T thru childhood and adolescence, probably enough to get some muscle from 16 to 21, but then had a major depressive episode, which I think somehow diminished T production and messed up my senior yr at college. During my first serious job, I had a physical at 25 YO and my T level was about 15% below the bottom of the normal range.
Sorry for the rambling....
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee