If I Had All the Gold...
(c) 2017 Haylee V

Once upon a time, there lived a handsome, but very greedy and conceited prince. In fact, the only thing this prince loved more than himself was gold.

One day, while out strolling his vast kingdom, he happened to see a poor peasant getting ready to throw a basket into the river. Upon reaching the peasant, he realized the basket in question was filled to the brim with what appeared to be golden eggs!

"Wait!" said the prince. "Don't you know how valuable those eggs are?"

At This Rate I’ll Never Turn Into a Girl!
By Vilastis

This story was basically written as an excessively long joke. The entire point is that there are constant jumping-off points for a fairly standard premise but it doesn’t take advantage of any of them. Side note: AJ is my best attempt at an underwritten stereotypical female friend.

Stumpleriltskin, A Tarry Fail
(c) 2017 Haylee V

Time upon a once, in a coreign fountry, pived a foor parmer and his daughtiful beauter. They were hoor but pappy in their call smottage.

Well, one day the foor parmer decided to casit the vistle of the kighty ming who countried the rule. In order to make himself imp more lookortant, the foor parmer told the kighty ming that his daughtiful beauter could spaw strold into gin.

Inner Demons, AKA "Journals of an Angry Trans Gurl"
© 2017 Haylee V

* This is a true account of my life experiences. All persons portrayed in this story are based on actual people I've met throughout my life, and the events portrayed actually happened. No malice is intended to those individuals involved, and names have been altered to protect the identities of the people portrayed. *

Spell Checker

Eye halve a spelling checker;
It came with my pea sea.
It plainly marks four my revue,
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word,
And weight four it two say,
Weather eye am wrong oar write;
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid,
It nose bee fore two long.
And eye can put the error rite;
Its rare lea ever wrong.

After being oppressed so much by the people of his town, a man decided to forego the creature comforts the town afforded him and live a life of seclusion at a local monastery.

Upon meeting the Abbot, he is given the rules:

"You are allowed to say just two words now, and then must take a ten year vow of silence. This cycle will be repeated for as long as you stay here. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Then welcome. You may now speak your two words."

"Umm... OK."

Photo Courtesy of Myrtle Beach Safari,

The rest of the summer was probably the best time of my life (up to that point). We met a girl next door also named “Amie”, and a girl across the street name “Jamie”. Amie’s dad was a doctor and Jamie’s mom was an attorney. Her mom was engaged and, even though her parents were divorced, Jamie’s dad also lived there in a separate part of the house. The girls were a few years older than us, and both were headed for Rice University at the end of the summer. Still, they accepted our invitations to come to the pool with us.

Monday was more active. Lisa and I both got haircuts at “Nancy’s”. We both got what mom called “pixie cuts”, and I got my ears pierced, after which I looked into the mirror and said, “No going back now”. Nancy looked puzzled, but I didn’t care; let her wonder. Lisa and I looked even more alike, but she was more beautiful than ever. I told her I was going to call her “BC”, for “Beautiful Cousin”. She said she would do likewise.
I thought for a second. “Lisa, I’m kinda glad you’re not my sister.”

“Amie!...Why”

“We would be calling each other “BS”.

“Silly girl!”

We drove through the tree shaded roads of River Oaks. Most of the houses were about the size of apartment complexes. Gradually, the mansions began to give way to just large houses, then average sized houses. We also began to see a few service stations and other businesses. We were out of River Oaks.

We pulled up at the restaurant and a valet took our car. Once inside, I looked at the menus. There were a lot of choices, but one thing was missing. “Dad, there are no prices on the menu.”

My dad smiled. If you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it.

“…and we can?”

“We’re doing OK.” He smiled and winked at my mom.

Lisa spoke up. “Wow. Y’all are rich! Can I be rich, Uncle Dave?”

He looked at Lisa. “Lisa, you and your mom are family. If we’re doing OK…y’all are doing OK.”

Girlfriends

Cameron takes a women's studies class and ends up learning a lot about himself.

This is a true story of how my Mom feminized me as a teenager. She had caught me wearing her pantyhose the summer before seventh grade. I got the surprise of my life the first Sunday of junior high, when she started encouraging me to wear them, and then it was all downhill from there. -- Tracy

A few other vignettes that I had forgotten about……..