"You look funny"

That was the opinion of a little girl in my neighborhood when she saw me dressed for work - black slacks, black top, pony tail and earrings.

had coffee with my friend Erin yesterday, and she asked me if I did anything to augment my breasts. I dont, but the whole time we were talking afterward I was self-conscious about them. It felt almost like I was topless, if you understand what I mean. I've been told this is a pretty normal reaction for a girl ....

Although I was born in New Brunswick, I consider Calgary, Alberta to be my childhood home. I was there from age 5 until age 19, except for the year I spent in Denver, so we're talking 13 years in the city during my school years.

Well, right now, my childhood home is under water.

A flood the likes never seen before has hit southern Alberta, causing the evacuation of more than 100,000 people, and some brave souls have taken to Facebook to post pics of what the city looks like, and its ... devastated.

I started having pain in my breasts last night, probably meaning that I am about have a growth spurt. As much as I am happy to get a little closer to leaving the itty bitty titty committee, this is painful ...

Sometimes, I dont get me at all. I'm feeling really happy, but I have just finished writing my 2nd really dark story in row .....

Well, last night I had an interesting dream. I was taken to a busy street corner, and asked to deliver a package that had a towel, a facecloth, and a hand towel. The challenge was, I was naked.

Life occasionally sends you a little irony to make you think God has a bit of a sense of humor.

I just got home from going to the doctors, and I have to share what happened. I've been fighting a cold the last couple of days, and even stayed home from work last night, so my mom insisted on me seeing the doc. So I go, and once I'm there this nice female doctor starts doing her thing, and after checking my breathing, and doing the "ahh" thing, she asks me some questions. The last question she asked me threw me though.

She asked "And how are your periods?"

Well, I had the WORST flashback I have ever experienced last night, and to say I'm not in a good place right now is putting it mildly.

well, my reading of my poem at church went well. A number of people came up afterward to tell me they were moved by it, and as a bonus, my brother was there and I think he liked it too. Much yayness!

The other day my mom took me out for lunch, and as we entered the restaurant, I noticed a young man (Mid 20's at a guess) wearing a suit and tie. It suddenly occurred to me that a man in that outfit is .... interesting. He was handsome enough that I'm sure I would have done the double look no matter what he was wearing, but the suit really added something.

I'm just glad that the fact I did the double look doesnt freak me out as much. Still freaks me out, mind, just not as much ....

Ah, well.

The last couple of days have given me a chance to practice my social skills, and that's a good thing. First, I went to see the new "Star Trek" movie with one of my co-workers and a friend of hers, and that went fine, and then today I got put in charge of the coffee pot for the little coffee-and-snack thing we do after service, and as we had a group of visitors, that was interesting. It also went very well, and doing well in these kinds of situations is great, especially since that before this, my tendencies would have been to either act like a buffoon, or retreat into a corner.

Well, I saw my endo doc yesterday, and things are going in the right direction. My testosterone levels have dropped from almost 20 to 10.5. Still got a ways to go, they want my levels down to normal female range, which is 2-3. So they have increased my estrogen to 5 pumps per day, and recommended that rather than putting it on one spot, I put each pump onto a different spot to help make sure it absorbs properly.

Still, I'm making progress, and that's a good thing.

well, after church today, the Affirm group met to discuss the upcoming Pride week, and one of the things that will take place is a special lunch on Sunday after the service, followed by a guest speaker. During this conversasion, my poem "Dear God" got mentioned, and in the end they would like me to read it aloud at this lunch.

I cant remember the last time I spoke in front of people, so this could be interesting on that front, but I'm incredably humbled to be asked.

It will be on June 9th, and I'm hoping someone can film it so I can make a link afterward.

I got a package from the clinic where, God willing, I will be getting my SRS done. While I could spend my time wishing and dreaming about the day I'm post-op, I've decided to take another approach. I'm going to enjoy the now, be grateful for what I have, and try my best to keep looking on the bright side of things. I will probably slip once in a while, and sometimes, I will suffer from depression or PTSD attacks, but I'm really going to do my best to keep my head up.

Wish me luck, okay?

Well, yesterday I mentioned that wearing a skirt felt so good I could feel my blood pressure drop, and it turns out that wasnt a figurative statement. I went to get my estrogen prescription refilled and used the blood pressure machine while I waited, and my blood pressure was 109/88 - a significant drop from before where I was hovering around the danger zone.

too bad I cant wear skirts all the time, but ah, well.

well, after having a conversation with my mom, I feel a lot better about the car situation. Its going to be tight for a bit, but we can make it, and I will have a reliable car which I need to keep working.

Well, there is a new story by me up, and I'm trying hard to not be nervous about how it will be received.

here is an interesting article on being trans:

http://www.autostraddle.com/im-a-trans-woman-and-im-not-inte...