Dorothy Colleen

had a talk with my supervisor about my co-worker

Well, last night I had another encounter with my clueless co-worker, and after she once again called me by my male name, I made a point of talking to my supervisor about the situation. She talked to the girl, and the girl said she had met me when we both worked at Zellers (I dont remember meeting her, but that doesnt mean it didnt happen.) So according to her, she was having some trouble doing a mental switch and call me by the right name, but would do better in the future.

For now, I'm going to consider this a win, but I will be on my guard around her ....

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helped out at church again today

Today at church, I was asked to help with the communion service, and it was a good experience. We were given these sashes, then we went down to the front to hold out the bread and the wine for the congregation to come down and partake.

Best part? They gave me a sash with a butterfly on it ....

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a day filled with pain

Well, yesterday was a pain-filled day. First, my breasts started hurting, and it got pretty bad. So bad that I started crying on the phone with Jaci and Ruth and pretty much blubbered for more than hour, with the only words I could say were "I'm sorry" over and over again ......

Then, at work, my male bits somehow managed to slip out of my panties, and the pain I experienced was tremendous, and the psychological suffering was just as bad ....

Ah, well. Time to sleep, and hope for a better night tonight.

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assumptions

The biggest thing about being trans is that it forces you to deal with the assumptions people have about gender. Most people dont think about their gender, or how being male or female influences how people treat you, but as a trans person, I have to face those assumptions every day. Along with the assumptions comes judgement - am I feminine enough, or too feminine? How do people see me, and how do I interact with them?

I'm trying to learn to give myself some slack in these judgments, and am hoping others will do the same.

So far so good .....

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Had an awesome birthday !

had an awesome birthday yesterday. I got tons of well-wishes from my online friends, I had a decent dinner with my brother and sister-in-law, and then got serenaded by my co-workers at work. Then to add the cherry to the sundae, two people at work made a point of saying "hey there, birthday girl" to me, which felt awesome.

It was so much fun, I almost dont wanna wait a year to do it again ...

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One Hundred and Forty-six years ago today

One hundred and forty-six years ago today, a strange, improbable, and fantastic country came into being. Its the most awesome place in the world, for a lot of reasons, but there are two that mean the most to me.

First, its my home and native land, and I'd be glad to stand on guard for it.

Second, its the most tolerant country in the world for trans people like me. Nowhere else would be as welcoming, and I am so proud of my countrymen for that.

Happy Canada Day, everybody.

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re-reading "Stark"

thanks to the track feature, I happened to re-read Randalynn's "Stark" stories and once more was hit by how well Randalynn writes. Not for the first time, I wished I could meet Jo Stark, since we have a few things in common ...

For those who havent read them before, or just want to read them again, here is a link:

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/906/stark

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a typically girly reaction?

had coffee with my friend Erin yesterday, and she asked me if I did anything to augment my breasts. I dont, but the whole time we were talking afterward I was self-conscious about them. It felt almost like I was topless, if you understand what I mean. I've been told this is a pretty normal reaction for a girl ....

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messing with gender roles

saw my gender doc today, and after it was over I went downtown on a whim. There was a festival called "The works" going on, which is a celebration of visual arts, and while I wondered around, I saw a big burly guy wearing a skirt. Nothing else was even slightly feminine, he wore socks and heavy shoes, a normal guy's shirt, and he had a beard (and hairy legs). I just wondered why the skirt. What message is he trying to send? "look at me, I'm different"? or is it "I'm such a manly man, I can look manly in a skirt"?

Too bad I was too much a chicken to ask ....

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Floods in Calgary

Although I was born in New Brunswick, I consider Calgary, Alberta to be my childhood home. I was there from age 5 until age 19, except for the year I spent in Denver, so we're talking 13 years in the city during my school years.

Well, right now, my childhood home is under water.

A flood the likes never seen before has hit southern Alberta, causing the evacuation of more than 100,000 people, and some brave souls have taken to Facebook to post pics of what the city looks like, and its ... devastated.

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a reconciliation with my brother?

Well, my brother has made some moves toward us moving past some of the hurts from the past. It all started when I sent him a message thanking him for coming to my poetry reading, and I talked about something he had mentioned at the time, that he felt like he was mourning the death of his brother Todd. I said that if you want to think of it that way, Todd laid down his life so I could live, so he was a hero.

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surprise question at the doctor's office

I just got home from going to the doctors, and I have to share what happened. I've been fighting a cold the last couple of days, and even stayed home from work last night, so my mom insisted on me seeing the doc. So I go, and once I'm there this nice female doctor starts doing her thing, and after checking my breathing, and doing the "ahh" thing, she asks me some questions. The last question she asked me threw me though.

She asked "And how are your periods?"

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"Misfile"

I have been reading a web comic called "misfile" and its amazing. Its the story of a boy whose life gets misfiled into the girl drawer by a slacker angel, and how he/she deals with the results. If you read it, be prepared to want to sit and finish it in one setting like I wanted to ....

Here is the link:

http://misfile.com/?date=2004-02-22

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might be a while before I have some new stories to share

Well, I have to apologize to my 3 fans. Between the fact that the stories I have underway have stopped flowing, (and were looking to be much bigger projects than I originally planned in any case), and the fact I have really struggled to write anything the last couple of days, its gonna be a while before you see any new stories from me.

Again, my apologies.

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the suit makes the man?

The other day my mom took me out for lunch, and as we entered the restaurant, I noticed a young man (Mid 20's at a guess) wearing a suit and tie. It suddenly occurred to me that a man in that outfit is .... interesting. He was handsome enough that I'm sure I would have done the double look no matter what he was wearing, but the suit really added something.

I'm just glad that the fact I did the double look doesnt freak me out as much. Still freaks me out, mind, just not as much ....

Ah, well.

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Fight like a girl

Fight like a girl

“Hey, fag, I’m gonna beat the snot out of you after school.”

“Fine, but I should warn you, I fight like a girl.”

After the fight .....

(Groans) “Uhhh...+

“I did warn you, I fight like a girl. Specifically, I fight like my sister, who does MMA.”

(more groans) “uhhh...”

Now, next week I expect you to return all the money you’ve bullied from kids, and stop bullying. Get me?”

“Give .... back ... money?”

Words

As a writer, I love words. I love trying to learn where they come from, how they came to mean what they mean, how some words have changed meanings over time, and how some words can have deeper and stronger meanings to a single person.

One word that's like that for me is the word "rape". I always use it to describe what happened to me over "molested", because for me, what happened fits "rape" better. "molested" sounds softer, somehow, only "rape" seems to have the meaning I need when talking about what happened to me.

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practicing my social skills

The last couple of days have given me a chance to practice my social skills, and that's a good thing. First, I went to see the new "Star Trek" movie with one of my co-workers and a friend of hers, and that went fine, and then today I got put in charge of the coffee pot for the little coffee-and-snack thing we do after service, and as we had a group of visitors, that was interesting. It also went very well, and doing well in these kinds of situations is great, especially since that before this, my tendencies would have been to either act like a buffoon, or retreat into a corner.

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Change of plans

Well, apparently, there has been a change of plans. Instead of reading the poem at the lunch, I will be reading it during the church service. Anybody who lives in Edmonton is welcome to come, and prayers and good wishes are appreciated, as I havent spoken in front of so many people before ....

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