Some more random thoughts:

I figured out what triggered me yesterday. I had been watching a James Bond marathon, and when they mentioned a character possibly suffering from Stockholm Syndrome in the movie "The world is not enough". It occurred to me that in a way, I had suffered something like that during the years I was being raped. Didnt take long after that the flashback started .....

On a completely more random note, I happened to pick up a comic yesterday, and I think DC has lost it totally. They have created, and I'm not kidding, a character called "Bat-Cow". I understand that the idea of a guy dressing up as a bat would probably come across as more silly than scary in the real world, but "Bat-Cow"? Really? .....

If I had any doubt that the girly girl voice in my head needs to take a vacation or something, it was settled last night. I found myself transfixed by a copy of the children's game "Candyland" and wanting to buy it just because one of the characters on the cover was wearing a lollipop dress...

I have so many story ideas running in my head right now, its actually hard to write because each of them is demanding equal time, meaning my stories are moving at a snail's pace ....

I was thinking about what Katie said the other day about me looking for attention with my flashbacks. In one way, she's right that I deliberately stared looking at what happened to me to try and figure out if I would have still been trans without that trauma. But if I'm looking for attention in having flashbacks, they dont succeed very well, because more often or not, I am alone when they happen. If I seek company that I can talk about them afterward, that comes from the grounding techniques I was taught, using the conversation to re-orient myself to realize the flashback is just a memory .....