A Walk in the Woods

You can thank Bill Durr for doing a fantastic editing job on this story. Any remaining mistakes are mine ...

It all started with a walk in the woods.

I had come up to my family’s cabin for a long weekend hoping to break a case of writer’s block, and thought maybe a hike would be good for me. So I put on my hiking boots and took a walk in the woods. I had walked for maybe a half-hour when I heard a scream.

I ran toward the sound, found a boy, naked and tied to the ground and covered with what looked like honey.

I could see some ants were investigating him, so I ran up and pulled out my hunting knife (A girl can’t be too careful, you know).

“Its okay, I’ll get you loose, hang on!” I said as I approached,

“Who...” he started to ask, but I interrupted and said, “Don’t worry. Just give me a minute to get these ropes.”

Finally, after several minutes, I had him loose.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

He told me his name was Kevin, and I said. “Come on, Kevin, I got a cabin up the trail a bit. Got all the modern conveniences, including a shower. You can get that gunk off you there.” I told him.

He thanked me shakily, and then followed me back up to the cabin, and one long hot shower later he had the honey off of him.

“You got many bites?” I asked him.

“Some. Nothing serious, though, I think. But if you hadn’t come when you did...”

“Who did this to you?”

“My brothers did this. They’ve been doing stupid stuff to me all my life, just cause I’m so much smaller than them. I never thought they would take it this far, though. I thought I was gonna die.”

“Well, it’s over now. So what would you like to do now?”

“Well, for starters, I don’t suppose you got any clothes I could wear?”

“I do, but you may not like them.” I said, and went to my suitcase and pulled out the outfit.

“A ... dress?” he asked. “Doesn’t seem terribly practical for a cabin.”

“Old habit, you could say. I’m a writer, and sometimes getting pretty helps my creative juices flow better.”

“Makes sense, I guess. Well, since it’s your dress or naked, I’ll borrow it, if you don’t mind.”

“I offered. Got a spare set of undies there too, if you want em.”

“Thanks. I ... I never got your name.”

“Darlene. But most of my friends call me Dar.”

“Well, since you saved me, I consider you a friend. So thanks, Dar. I better go see if I can get into this thing.”

A while later he came out in the dress, and I said, “I could almost hate you. You look better in that thing than I do.”

He blushed, and said, “Don’t think that’s possible. But thanks.”

“Well, now that you have the clothes thing settled, do you have any ideas as to what you would like to do now?”

“I ... I don’t know. I should go home, but my dad is away this weekend and my oldest brother Mike is in charge. And considering he talked my other brother John into stripping me and leaving me for the ants, I’m not sure that would be a hot idea.”

“Maybe not. Look .... I can’t tell you what to do, but if you wanted to go to the police, I will back you, tell them how I found you. “

“You ... you think I should?”

“Well, chances are if they did this once, they will do it again, or maybe even worse. And next time you might not be lucky enough to have someone near.”

“You ... you’re probably right. But would the cops listen to me? I mean, they say they do this crap because I’m a sissy, and considering I’m currently wearing a dress, the cops may think they have a point.”

“Not our local police. I know the sheriff. If I bring you in, she’ll listen. Trouble is, she’s off today, if I remember right. And I don’t know her deputies well enough to know what they would say.”

“So that’s a no-go then.”

“Well ... not necessarily. You could hang around here for the day, and we could go in the morning when she’ll be in, if you wanted to.”

“You ... wouldn’t mind? I mean, you said you came up here to write.”

“Kevin, people are more important than stories. What do you say?”

“Sounds good to me. What do you want to do?”

“Well, we could have some lunch, then I could get out a deck of cards. You know how to play crib?”

“My ... mom taught me. I know Rummy, too.”

“Good enough.” I said, and made us both some lunch.

We ate, played cards, and I learned that Kevin had lost his mom a couple of years ago, and it turned his whole house mean, or so it had seemed. His dad had become distant, taking more trips away from home, and his two brothers had gone from teasing him as the baby of the family to being increasingly cruel. Worse, they had been encouraging his classmates to pick on him as well, leaving him without any place where he felt safe.

By the time he finished, he was crying, so I put the card table aside and held him until he finished.

After a while, he said, “Can I tell you something?”

“Sure you can.”

“I ... I figured the best way to deal with having to wear a dress was to kinda pretend I was a girl. And ... I think I like the idea of being one. I feel ... happy. I can’t remember being happy like this before. Probably sounds crazy.”

“Not really. I have a feeling you might be transgendered. You ever hear of the term?”

“You mean like those guys on Jerry Springer and stuff?”

“The reality is something different. Look. Let me show you something.”

I went and opened my laptop, and thanked my foresight in putting in a Wi Fi connection as the machine came to life. I found the site I wanted, and showed it to him.

“Big ... Closet? What’s that?”

“It’s the site I write on. And it mostly contains stories about people who aren’t that different than you. Here, let me show you a couple of stories.”

I let him read a couple of stories, and afterward he looked at me and and said, “They really are like me. I ... I never knew. What am I gonna do?”

“Well, it’s up to you, but if you wanted to, you could be a girl sometimes, or most of the time. Or even all the time. I’ll do what I can to help you “

This brought tears to his eyes again, and so once more I held him until he regained control of himself. By that time it was getting close to sundown, so I went outside and brought in some logs, and made a nice fire in the fireplace.

I took a couple of sticks, we roasted marshmallows together, even making smores, and a couple of hours later I said, “We should get some sleep. I ... only got one bed, but you’re welcome to it. I’ll manage on the couch.”

He looked upset, but he went to the small bedroom and I tried to get as comfortable as I could. But about an hour after we went to bed, I could hear him shouting in the bedroom, and I went in to see what was going on.

He was having a nightmare, and I could only guess how bad it was by the screaming...

Not being sure what to do, I slipped into the bed and held him, and eventually he calmed down.

Then he called me “mom.”

He obviously wasn’t awake when he said it, but still, it hit me hard.

I can’t have kids, so I figured I would never be called “mom” in this lifetime.

But his calling me that felt darn good...

I woke before he did, so went to the main room of the cabin to slip back into my clothes, as I had gone to sleep in just my underwear. Then I went to the small kitchen and started making pancakes. The smell must have woken Kevin up, and he came into the kitchen still dressed in the nightie he had borrowed to sleep in.

We ate breakfast, and then he went and put back on the dress so we could get ready to go to town, but he paused, and said, “You sure she’s going to listen to me, even when I’m wearing a dress.”

“She’s an old friend. Trust me.”

“Okay.” He said, and we started to clean up the breakfast table. .

I put on my boots, but all I had for him were the heels that went with the outfit he was wearing, but he managed pretty well, and we went at a slow but steady pace to town. I hadn’t brought my car out to the cabin, but she didn’t seem to mind the walk.

I watching him ? Her? walk, and found myself almost jealous of the way she moved. Even in unfamiliar heels. Even in terrain never meant for high heels in the first place, she walked with a kind of feminine grace I couldn’t match.

She saw me watching her, and said, “What?”

“You walk like a Disney Princess. I almost expect to see seven dwarves singing “hi ho” around the next corner.”

“Is that bad?”

“Not if you’re a girl. In fact it’s wonderful.”

“Thanks, then. I ... I’ve been thinking, and if its possible, I want to be as much of a girl as I can be, as often as I can be.”

“Won’t be easy, hon. You may face a lot of people with similar attitudes to your brothers and things like hormones can have health risks. . But I think that’s the right choice for you. But you’ll have to find a female name. ‘Kevin’ doesn’t seem like a good choice for a girl.”

“I... I’ll think about it.”

We continued on in silence, and soon we were at the town limits, and she pointed to the northern side of town.

“We live up there a bit. I ... I hope my brother’s don’t see me like this. At least not until I’ve seen the sheriff. “

“They likely to be out and about yet?”

“Hope not.”

“Let’s go then.”

Shortly we were at the sheriff's office, and as I promised, the sheriff listened to her story, and then said, “All right. First thing, we need to get Doc Simmons in to deal with any insect bites or any other signs of abuse. Then we need to get Molly Walton from Social Services to figure out how to keep this young lady safe. When is your dad expected back, missy?”

The young girl blushed, and said just above a whisper, “ He should be back this afternoon.”

“You think he knew what they were going to do to you?”

“N ... no. I mean, he knows they’ve been harassing me. But if I didn’t see this coming, I can’t say he did..”

“All right. I’m going to go make some phone calls. You two sit tight.”

A half-hour later, both Doc Simmons and Molly Walton were doing their thing, and after they had both finished, Doc Simmons said, “No question about the insect bites, but nothing that won’t heal. There are definitely signs that she’s been abused, but some of them I could only confirm with an x-ray or a CT scan, so that will have to wait. Same thing goes with the gender issues, we are going to need a gender specialist to confirm any diagnosis of gender dysphoria, but based on my short time with her, there’s no question she will be a good candidate for a transition, if that’s what she wants . “

Molly added, “I’m going to recommend that social services take custody of her until the investigation of her brothers is complete, at the very least. What happens after that depends on the investigation, and whether she would be safe as a girl at home. A lot is going to depend on her father.. We won’t send her home unless he’ll cooperate. “

“Could I stay with her?” the young girl said, pointing at me.

“Up to you, Dar. You okay with keeping her for now?”

”I ... I don’t mind at all. I got my parent’s place. Unlike the cabin, the house too big for just one, anyway.”

“Thank you!” She hugged me tight.

“No problem ... did you pick a name yet?”

“K ... Katherine. It was my mom’s name.”

“Okay if I call you Kat?”

“S ... sure.”

“Then come along, Kat. It's almost lunchtime. “

We slipped out the back of the sheriff’s office , and made our way to my place. I made her lunch, and then we played card games for a while. I went through my stuff to see what might fit her, and her total femininity was so obvious, I struggled to understand how her family could treat her like they did.

The other emotion I struggled with was an ache about having a kid of my own. But I tried to stuff down that particular feeling, because I knew that as soon as Molly got things organized, the girl would be put into care, and I would have to say goodbye to her.

It was a couple of hours later that the sheriff phoned, and said, “I had to arrest the kid’s dad for taking a poke at me. He’ll be out tomorrow, and her brothers are in the custody of social services for now. You okay having the kid until they figure out what the next move is for her?”

“Sure.” I said. I turned to my guest, and said, “Kat, your dad went and got himself arrested. With him in jail, and your brothers in the custody of social services, you okay staying with me, at least overnight?”

“Of course I want to stay! I don’t want to go to some stranger’s place who may not even understand why I need to be a girl.”

“Then it’s settled.”

I made her supper, and then we played together some more, and then I fixed up what had been my old room for her to sleep in. As I helped her get ready, I pointed to the master bedroom across the hall and told her if she needed me during the night, I would be there.

She gave me a huge hug, thanked me for everything, and curled up in the bed and closed her eyes. I went to the doorway and turned out the lights, and then I watched her by the light of a nightlight as she relaxed, began to breathe deeply, and fall asleep. Once I was fairly sure she was asleep, I got ready for bed myself, but I first opened up my laptop and found my blog on Big Closet. The last couple of years I had abandoned the blog except for the occasional note saying I wasn’t dead, or notifications when I had a new story being published, and I debated sharing what had happened with my old friends, but found myself hesitating. I hesitated because it felt like I had fallen into a story, and like any character I had no idea if the story was going to turn out happy or sad. And the author in me wanted to wait until a good end point came, since nothing frustrated readers like an unfinished story. I also wondered if this story didn’t seem a touch ... cliche, too far into the typical tropes to be seen as a real event.

So I closed my laptop and went to sleep instead.

I woke to feeling something warm and soft in the bed with me, and I opened my eyes and found Kat huddled next to me. I just lay there for a while, listening to her breathe, and I realized that I would have to go to social services and fight to keep her with me.

Because I no longer could imagine my life without her.

Finally, her eyes fluttered open, and she looked at me, and said, “ss...sorry. Had a bad dream, and I came in here, and you scooted over and told me to lay beside you.”

“That’s okay, sweetie. I... I’m glad you trusted me enough to come to me.”

She smiled, and my heart melted.

“Come on,” I said, “I’ll make you some pancakes, okay?”

“Okay!” she said, and sprung from the bed. I followed, grabbing a housecoat as I went to the kitchen.

I made goofy shaped pancakes just to make her giggle, and once again I wondered how anybody could look at this young girl and see a boy there. She seemed even more feminine than yesterday, like the safer she felt with me the more the girl in her came out..

Once breakfast was over and I had cleaned up, I said, “Look. I should go get you some clothes so you don’t have to keep wearing that dress. You think you’d be okay here if I go out?”

She turned white, but she nodded.

“I won’t be long, I promise. And nobody but the sheriff and Molly know where you are. Just play some games or watch TV, and keep the door locked. I’ll be back as quickly as I can. You can do it.”

“O... Okay.”

“Good girl.”

I hurried to the nearest clothing store, got a couple of things in what I hoped were the appropriate sizes, and rushed home as fast as I could. When I came in, Kat gave me a huge hug, and told me she’d missed me.

I admitted I had missed her too.

She tried on the clothes, and I had done better with the sizes than I feared, and soon she was giggling as she mock-strutted modeling the stuff I got her.

Finally, I figured we’d better have a bit of lunch, and Kat helped me make mac and cheese. We were just about finished when the phone rang.

I answered it, and it was the sheriff, and after our conversation I practically collapsed into a chair.

“What happened Dar?”

“You’re ... never going to believe this. Practically as soon as he got let out of jail, your dad went home, grabbed some stuff, and lit out of town. Nobody knows what direction he went, but based on what little stuff the sheriff found left behind, he isn’t planning to come back.”

“What about my brothers?”

“They think they got a message from your dad, they must have had a phone hidden when they were taken into custody. Anyway, they managed to slip out away, and there’s no sign of them. Witnesses think they saw your dad’s van in the vicinity, so it’s possible they are with him. “

“Do you think he’ll come here?”

“Can’t see how. Neither your dad nor your brothers know where you are. You have any idea why they would take off? I mean, your brothers were facing some charges, and might have been taken away, but this seems like an extreme reaction.”

“Well, I don’t know if it means anything, but it seems to me we moved from our old town on really short notice, and came here, where we didn’t know anybody. At the time, I didn’t think about it much, but maybe they did it again?”

“And left you behind?”

“I guess if dad saw me as no longer one of the family. For wanting to be a girl.”

“But that’s not something you can help. and I don’t think its a case of you wanting to be anything, I think you are a girl, and its just starting to ... leak out of you.”

She gave me a hug.

“So what happens now?”

“Molly should be by tonight with some decisions about your status. I’m guessing they will want to take custody of you.”

“Can’t I stay with you?”

“I ... I don’t know, Kat. They may not think a single woman is the most suitable candidate.”

“But ...”

“I promise you, I’ll put my name in, and fight for you all I can. We’ll have to see if that’s enough.”

“Thanks.” she said, and gave me a hard hug.

I finally broke our hug and started cooking some wieners for supper. Kat helped me drain the dogs, and we made silly faces with ketchup and mustard on them before they were devoured.

And it turned out to be a good thing we ate them quickly, because almost as soon as our plates were put in the sink the doorbell rang.

It was Molly, and she apologized for how long it had taken her to get back to us. She told us that losing Kat’s brother’s had really turned things upside down, but at last she was ready to take Kat into care.

“But I’d rather stay here.” Kat cried.

I tried to keep from crying myself, and said, “We knew this could happen, Kat. In a couple of days my vacation runs out and I have to be back working. What happens to you then? What about school? They’re going to do their best to find you a loving family, one that will let you transition. And if I’m allowed, I’ll be part of the picture any way I can.”

Kat cried some more, and I just held her and let her cry herself out. When she calmed down, I gave her to Molly, and said, “You take care of this girl. You hear?”

“You know we will, Dar. And I promise you will be able to see her soon.”

It felt like I had to rip my heart out to do it, but I let go of Kat.

I quickly got together the clothes I bought her, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and gave her to Molly.

Then I watched her walk out of my door, looking back at me the whole time.

I managed to not fall apart until I couldn't see her anymore.

I didn’t bother cleaning up supper that night, but went to bed, and slept. The next morning, I ate breakfast like a robot. I had still a couple of days left on my vacation, but the idea of sitting around here felt horrible, so I called my work, and arranged to end my holidays early.

So I staggered to work, shuffled through my day, and somehow got back home without falling over.

I don’t know how long I would have lasted in this zombie phase, but by good fortune a friend came over the next night and held me while I cried. Finally being able to admit how much it had hurt to have the prospect of being a mother taken away from me somehow made it easier to bear, and once I let the tears flow I actually felt better for it.

The rest of the week was better, but this horrible absence went with me everywhere, because no matter where I went or what I did, I did it without Kat.

Fortunately, at the end of the week I got a call from Molly asking if I wanted to visit Kat, and so on my first day off I made my way across town to see how she was holding up.

I had barely managed to get out of my car before I got tackled.

“Dar! You came!”

“Ooff!”

“Oh. Sorry, Dar.”

“How are you holding up, Kat?”

“I’m okay. This place isn’t as bad as I feared, and they don’t mind me being a girl. But I missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Kat. But I’m really glad to hear they are treating you right.”

I went in and talked with the folks running the place, and confirmed that Kat was indeed being allowed to be a girl, and that she was doing as well as could be expected considering what she had been through in the last while, having suffered through a horrible experience and been removed from the only family she had known. They also told me they were looking for a permanent home for her, hoping to get her some roots as quickly as possible.

I told them and Molly that while I was glad to hear that, I had found that I wished her permanent home was with me, and I teared up talking about how much I had missed her. Fortunately, I got myself back under control before Kat came in, and gave her a big hug and said goodbye.

I realized as I walked away that I was leaving a part of my heart behind, and it hurt worse than anything, but I knew she needed more than what I could give her. That the best way I could love her was to let her go.

I argued with myself all the way home, and finally reached a compromise that would mean while I would cheer her on until she got a real family, once that happened I would step back so they could have the chance to bond with her.

I went home and wept.

The next day, I felt a little better, because I felt sure I was doing what was best for Kat. Plus, I had gotten a little writing done, which was good news. Between my job and the money my folks left me I managed to make ends meet, but the little bit of money my writing pulled in helped, plus it was nice to be able to write again. I had lost my “writing dress”, but meeting Kat had really got my creative juices flowing again, even if very soon I would have to step out of her life.

Another week of work went by, and no matter how many times I tried to tell myself I was doing the right thing, the part of me that wanted to be a mother remained active and fought back with all the fierceness you would expect.

So it was that I found myself going back to the group home where Kat was staying, wondering why I was putting myself through this agony. But the part of me that wanted her in my life wasn’t ready to quit just yet.

I plastered the best smile I could on my face and got out of the car.

If I had hoped that Kat had started to move on with her life, I was mistaken, as I learned a moment later when she tackled me and gave me a monster hug.

“Easy tiger!” I managed.

“Sorry, I’m just so glad to see you.”

“I thought you were doing okay here?”

“I am, but ... you’re gonna think this is stupid”

“You aren’t stupid. What?”

”I miss you. I ... “

“If it helps, I’ve missed you too.”

She smiled at me, and allowed me to get up.

I walked with her back to the house, and was rather surprised to find Molly having a chat with the couple who ran the group home.

“Dar, I’m glad you’re here. I have a question for you.”

“Sure, Molly. What is it?”

“How would you feel about being Kat’s foster mother?”

I looked at her trying to figure out if she was joking. “I would love to be but I thought social services ...”

“Have been er ... persuaded that having someone who understands what Kat is going through would be the best thing for her.”

“Kat, would you want to come back to my home, and live with me? It will be hard, because I have to work. You’ll have to go to school, and sometimes you will be alone. You okay with that?”

“Of course I want to be with you!”

Then she got shy, and said, “Can I call you ... mom?”

I wept, and said, “I’d like that, very much.”

So some paperwork later I was driving Kat back to my house, and before I knew it she had turned it from an empty place to hang my hat into a real home.

Our lives aren’t perfect, but its a lot better than I feared my life would turn out after transitioning so many years ago.

I only have one real problem. There’s no way the other authors on Big closet (not to mention anyone else who might read this ) are ever going to believe this story isn’t fiction ...

End.