Home of the Brave

For 'Drea, just cause.

She finished the story, and turned off the computer with a sigh. It had been a good story, having some of her favorite elements. Her favorite stories were about girls who even though they had been forced to begin life as boys, had taken the steps needed to live as their true selves.

“She was so brave....” she sighed to herself, thinking again of the heroine of the story she’d just finished. “..She had to overcome so much, and yet she didn’t let that stop her.”

“Not like me. I … I can’t.” She wept, as the realization she would never take such a journey herself.

“Because of …. her.” She picked up a small frame that sat beside her computer. In its frame was the picture of a small girl, smiling at the camera.

“I’d lose you. Your mother would … I just can’t” She cried again.

After a few minutes crying, she powered up the computer again.

“Maybe I can lose myself in another story. Its gotta be better than just sitting here crying.”

A few minutes waiting for the computer to decide to work, and she was back on her favorite site. She lucked out, and found that one of her favorite authors had published another story, this one a funny collection of lines from famous movies and books, giving them a transgender twist. She laughed out loud, left a comment, and then closed the computer again.

“Its time to pick up my girl, anyway.” She thought, and reluctantly put on the male mask that allowed her to see her daughter.

Later, as the small child laid upside down on the couch telling her about the day at school, she smiled, and thought, “Not being able to tell you the truth hurts, but having you in my life is worth it.”

Later, when she had dropped off the little girl at her mothers, she thought, “I .. I have to hold on, and with God’s help, I know I can.”

Then she thought, maybe there is more than one kind of courage. Those people who decided to transition were brave, without any doubt, but perhaps she had her own kind. The ability to surrender her own dreams for her daughter’s sake, to endure the day-to-day without giving up, maybe that a form of bravery too.

“And maybe someday … things will change, for the better.” She thought, and went to bed, and was able to sleep peacefully, for once.