The Struggle 2- another struggle
Author's note: This is not a sequel to my story “The struggle. But it is along the same theme ...
She was doing it again!
Every time she noticed Don, and especially whenever he nodded or smiled at her, she felt the heat in her face, and was sure she glowed enough to read by.
What was wrong with her, she didnt like guys that way?
Did she?
She wasnt even supposed to be a girl, she was supposed to be a boy, not be sitting here watching one from across the room, hoping he’d look up again, and scared to death that he might notice her noticing him ....
What was happening to her?
It seemed like it had creeped up on her, until now, where she could no longer even pretend it wasnt happening anymore.
First there had been snatches of images from her sleep, and then a few weeks ago she had done a double take at a muscular man in a tight shirt, and had been so upset at herself she had to find a quiet corner to take some deep breaths until she calmed down.
That was bad, but now, with Don, it was a thousand times worse.
She had been part of a nice conversation with him the other day, and since then, he’d crossed her mind again, and again, and now she couldnt even look at him without setting off butterflies in her stomach.
He’d been so sweet, and she found herself wishing she could give him a kiss on the cheek, just to say thank you ....
Now kisses crossed her mind, but in her imagination they werent on the cheek ....
“This cant be happening!”
She took another peek at him sitting a few tables away during lunch.
He had the nicest eyes ....
“No! I’m not into boys, I’m not!”
“I cant feel like this, please!”
“Please.....make it stop....please ....”
The lunch period ended, and she found herself walking behind Don, and admiring his but, and then shook her head to try and fight the feeling.
“Oh boy. I’ve got it bad ...”
That night, her sleep was interrupted by dreams that varied from romantic to erotic, in which Don featured quite prominently. When the last of these dreams ended, she woke, crawled out of bed and went to her closet. She dug out an old teddy bear, and took it back to her bed, and held it closely as she wept and shook.
Finally, her tears subsided, and she held out the bear and said, “Well Teddy. I guess not only am I a girl, I’m a hetrosexual one at that. Not sure how I should feel about that, but there it is. And at least Don seems like a nice guy ....”
She squeezed the teddy bear tightly, and laid down and tried to get back to sleep.
“What could possibly happen next?” she said with a yawn.
She had a feeling that tomorrow, she’d find out ....
Fin.
Comments
well, I thought it was an interesting idea....
guess nobody else agrees....
Interesting...
I hate to use the words 'thought-provoking' since it's more than just ideas, but emotions as well. And it's an interesting piece; just a few pokes and prods at us as we wait in the queue toward personhood? Thank you!
Love, Andrea Lena
thanks, Drea
pokes and prods was kinda what I was shooting for
Thanks for commenting
Sooooooo?
Did you ask him out for coffee yet??? Come on GIRL, get on with it! Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Shoo shoo, go sit with him! Atta girl, you can do it! Good girl, now just be you, the girl he found interesting enough to talk to the first time. Big Hugs, That crazy but nice lady down the street with popcorn! LOL!
turns red and stutters
but but but !
giggle. Thanks Taarpa
For a long time ...
... I was absolutely, positively, without any question at all, certain I was only interested in girls. Guys were just so ... ughh! Well .. most guys were. There was one guy, who was nice to me, even when he got labeled as queer for hanging around me. But we were just friends. Still, there's times when I wonder, if things had been different ... still, I really feel lucky to have had his friendship, and feel lucky he stuck by my side, when others stopped being friends with a kid who was as weird as me.
nice boys are good to have around
even if you don't want to sleep with em.
huggles!
My best friend
The only long-term friend I've ever had is a guy. We met years before I transitioned, before I even met my wife. He's the brother I never got to have. When I came out to him, he shrugged, gave me a hug, told me he'd still love me as his sister, and asked when we were getting together to game next. (we've been playing table-top RPGs for 25 years so far; D&D, Battletech, Traveler, Star Wars, and a ton of others) I still see him once a week!
We lived together for 5 months and he's the only guy I ever "considered". He's not terrible looking, cute I guess you might say, but getting involved with him would have been "settling"... giving up on what I really wanted in life and never enjoying a physical relationship. (I have ZERO attraction to men, even over a decade after transition and aggressive HRT for several of those years)
Sometimes I think a lot of M2F TGs think they have to find men attractive, because that's what most women think, and settle for it because they think they're supposed to and it seems "normal"... letting them stealth easier. After all, what's more feminine than hooking up with a hunky guy, right? (that and finding a woman who still loves and wants you after transition is special indeed... and I'm blessed with two co-wives!)
I wish none of us felt we had to settle for less than who and what we want... but I can also understand that settling can sometimes feel better than the crushing loneliness. After all, I very nearly did the same thing after my 2nd broken engagement, just so I wouldn't be alone, even if it meant despising my own sex life.