I'm sure that some non-trans woman reading this blog will sniff and say I'm getting my girl card punched way too easily. I mean, there are a few things cisgendered girls go through I will never deal with. The most obvious example is periods - I will never know the "joy" of bleeding, of feeling bloated, cramped, and so on that accompanies having a monthly cycle. I'm sure said woman can add other things as well, but before she gets too carried away with herself, there are a couple of things I have gone through most cisgendered women never would.
The most obvious of these is the fact that a non-trans woman doesnt have to explain or defend herself as being a woman, she doesnt need to see a psychologist to get a letter asking people to treat her as a woman, and she can be as either a tomboy or very feminine or go back and forth without someone wondering if she qualifies as a girl.
I'm sure she never questioned her right to dress like a girl, never had a panic attack about going out in public in a skirt, or worried about using a girl's washroom wondering if today was the day someone decided to have a problem with her being in there.
And I doubt very much she ever wondered if she was crazy or even demon-possessed because she felt like a girl, or ever thought she was going to hell for feeling like a girl, or ever prayed desperately to not feel like a girl anymore so she could be normal and acceptable.
I wonder if said woman would want to trade problems?
Comments
You tell 'em.
And non-trans women get their vaginas through birthright, we male-born women and Vboys EARN ours the very hard way.
Tell 'em THAT, next time they tell you you're lucky to not have periods.
Everyone...
...we all go through times of doubt and uncertainty and disappointment and even envy, no matter where and how we originated. I may never know the joy of childbirth, but neither will I know the same agony of a miscarriage that Mrs. D endured. Women of all backgrounds and origins experience elation and pain. Men as well. It's very easy to compare and wonder; I think that's almost human nature. But we can see past our experiences and the lives of others, both good and bad, to know that our value lies not in what we are nor what we have done, but rather in whom we are.
Love, Andrea Lena
The best revenge
I have to agree with Aunt Andrea, as well as OddPOV.
Who you are is defined in fundamentals. I mean to say, it is who you are inside that is the true you, and that most who define themselves with the physical you is not a valid point of view. Plumbing is just plumbing - it is not who you are. (Though, I guess I disagree with Aunt Andrea on one point: she said that we are not defined by what we do. I do think that that we are defined, in large part, by what we do: We are what we do, not what we say).
Like what OddPOV said, matching my physical outside to the "Fundamental Me" is important, indeed, like she says, it's vital, to my mental well-being. And in that quest to match the physical with the fundamental, you will definitely encounter the naysayers, the bigots, the haters. True, most of these haters will be males (at least in my experience), there will still be haters that are females. The one you talked with is just one of these haters. The danger is that you might think this a general thing, that all women have that pov, instead of thinking that this sentiment is just from a single female hater instead of that of all females.
That is the danger - to take the bad comments (or incidents) and dwell on them, or to generalize. This is, perhaps, the main cause of suicides among LGBT's - generalizing the bad things, thinking they are universal. Yes, it is true that it is but human for a person to allow one negative thing to wipe out the effects of a dozen good things. The way to survival is to get beyond this human frailty, and be positive in the face of this.
As OddPOV said, it is her experience thst there are many that will be positive, that will be a positive light for you, that will give you a helping hand in surviving, and, if you will allow them, to help you in your journey in becoming closer to the real you.
I think you should ignore this hater, as it is only her ignorance that she is displaying. Beyond that, though, maybe you shouldn't answer her hate with your own. She says, sarcastically, that you have not had the "joy" of menstruation. Do not answer this barb by saying that she, on the other hand, has not had the "joy" of discrimination.
I think the best response, the best answer, indeed the best "revenge" is to be able to live well. Answer her by living well, by being the best you can be with what you have, and by being happy. Next time you talk with her, you can then talk about real "joy."
BTW, hopefully, this new post of yours isn't you sliding back, as you have often done in the past. Your posts of late have had a positive slant to them. Hopefully this post isn't a sign that you are sliding back to negativity. The glass isn't half-empty, it's half-full, right?
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It will not cure all your problems.
I'm not saying that you are wrong in doing this. I think you will find out after, that the surgery did not cure all your problems. Nearly 10 years later, it is now clear to me that for one, I needed to get a divorce first. Then I needed to address my PTSD and finally having Borderline Personality Disorder, and Dependent Personality Disorder.
Fortunately, I found my way into a group of people that were accepting, and I am NOT talking about GBLT activists, stay away from them. That whole subset of people is preyed upon by people who want your money, and that includes transgender counselors and surgeons. They were insistent that I accept that everything that happens is NOT about me. People avoid people who talk about themselves all the time. If you think your own problems are more important than theirs, you should try to get inside their heads because in there, there be dragons!
Finally, when you are post op, and get over the feeling that some bastard shoved a broom handle up your duff, you still have life to live, and you can no longer stand to pee. That sucks when you are out for a hike. So, always carry some tissue with you, and squatting is a bitch. Wait till you pee on your own pant leg, ewwww! Make damn good and sure that you dilate every single day! My efforts were always painful, and I slowly began to skip a day, then several days, then a week and then months. I can't tell you when I last did it.
I think I will
disagree with a lot of that. If not for counseling I would be dead. My counselor is helping me become a much happier healthier person, she is giving me the tools I need that I did not (could not?) get from my parents. What price life? Not to mention happiness?
I am a firm member of the local LGBT alliance because we do necessary, needful work. We help keep people functioning who have been marginalized with such things as AIDS or their families rejections alive, and eventually, happier. We feed homeless and those much less fortunate than ourselves, who simply could not afford the medical expenses and the costs of day to day living.
The opportunity to become what I am already on the inside is vital toward my continued mental health. These folks (councilors, surgeons, and LGBT alliance) provide a service, a needed one, that I am/intend to take full advantage of. I am working to pay it forward.
Because I don't pass well (but I am almost there) I occasionally get disrespected. It is the price of living. The rest of it, the love of my family, the respect of my friends (many of whom are also TG, and met through the LGBT alliance) offsets any occasional misery and problems.
According to Laura's Playground 31% of TG people commit suicide. Having almost become one of them has given me a different point of view. Befriending other people who are different such as gays has taught me they go through a lot of the same stuff we do coming out to themselves, including a much higher suicide rate than the general population.
My experience with the genetic girls at work has been overwhelmingly positive. I was liked before, now I receive real support and advice. Even clothes and tips on how to better present myself. The guys aren't too thrilled, but no real problems there either. It has been pretty surprising to me overall.
My perspective is different.
I've been out almost 9 years and had srs in 2006. Yes, my life is extremely happy, but I still feel that the sacrifices were too harsh. I was never gay. I believe that had it not been for the psych drugs, I would not have come out or had the surgery.
I have never had psych drugs,
And I know a lot of folks that knew they were TG as young as 2 years old. Kinda busts that theory. Everyone takes a different road in life, but for TG folk there are a lot of landmarks in common.
I think I will have earned my girlhood ticket, buy putting up with the misery and crap from ignorant people. For a very long time I was in Hell on Earth, now I'm not.
I don't think
Fighting with them is going to solve anything, instead of saying "hey look what I went through" instead try to relate to other girls. If someone complains you aren't a real woman screw them. Beat them by showing them how successful you can be as your real self so that even they cant deny that you're 1000% female just like they are.
Also, FYI transgirls can be tomboys too it's just not represented in the media. I knew a transwoman that loved motorcycles and was an ex Special forces, she was tough as nails and usually wore jeans.
I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Transgender, Gamer, Little, Princess, Therian and proud :D
More or Less Suffering
Shouldn't matter. There are now Kim Petras and kids that live full time in 3rd grade or earlier. I feel so happy for them and wish them all luck that they may have no homo/transphobic encounters in their life, or as few and as mild as possible. I rejoice that our (western civilization and more enlightened countries around the world) society now lets this happen. Hopefully it will continue to happen and become ordinary enough that meetings of parents with lawyers v conservatives or court cases won't be needed.
However easy it becomes to have one's boy card or girl card punched, there is still all of life. It is obviously good to be relieved of ones GID, but there a still a host of problems that will happen to some but not others. They might not be ones fault, like physical injuries, diseases or mental health issues. They might be part individual trails that interact well with others in one environment, work, social, etc., but have problems occur with a different mix of people, policies, etc. One can do her best, working very diligently, but happiness, contentment and satisfaction are not guaranteed.
Good question, Dottie. I think I've felt similarly in the past, but not much.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
I don't know about anyone else...
But I would gladly take all the "problems" that regular women face that we won't. I call them missed blessings.
I'd love to have a REAL menstrual cycle, with periods and bleeding and everything else. I'd love to have a working uterus and ovaries and all the plumbing to go with them. I'd love to be able to and someday be pregnant.
I'd gladly give or do ALMOST anything to get those things. Don't even need to take away my past or the transphobia I face. I'd be willing to face the problems I already face as a trans woman, and STILL want to experience everything else women experience! I only draw the line at anything against my morals... So I wouldn't go whoring myself out or kill anyone or... yeah.
Maybe someday medical science will figure out a way to give us those experiences... but until then... I just gotta put up with what I can have.
Anyone who says I'm less of a woman cuz I don't get to experience those things... well... maybe they're right. Maybe they're wrong... It doesn't really matter, I've just got my own life to live, and they've got theirs.
Abigail Drew.
Missed or Mixed...
I've said more than once that I'd deal with the period, were the equipment there... That said, I've seen how crippling a difficult period can be. Both of my daughters have (and continue to have) issues there. The older one blead so much, she was severely anemic. Some meds have helped reduce the flow, but it's not a good thing. My younger daughter was doubled up with cramps on a regular basis (not to mention more than one ovarian cyst). So, it really is a mixed blessing.
If you want to experience the cramps, science CAN allow you to experience the cramps...
Annette
The cramps...
Yeah. I know about that. And actually I experience the period ones anyways. It's one of the things I get from my faked cycle during the time that ought to be my period... I get the moodiness too. Mine aren't usually all THAT bad, thankfully. Though they are fake, so who knows what it'd be if I was REALLY having the real thing...
And yeah. I could intentionally go to a doctor and get them to hook me up to the machines and give me all the right shocks to all the right places to experience contractions as well... But that'd just be masochistic and serve no purpose. It's not like that simulated labor is actually going to result in anything.
Abigail Drew.
More Shared Than Not
While there are certain experiences that many women have that you won't be able to experience (and, hey, not all women are fully functional, either), there are oh-so-many that you'll share in, such as being treated like a child by coworkers, bosses, and random men on the street; being told that you should smile more or dress nicer by random men; worrying about staying out too late or walking down some streets after dark; not getting a job because of deliberate or unconscious bias; being paid less than men doing the same or less work you do.
Sadly, there are also plenty of women who were abused as children, who were told they were demonically possessed for feeling the way they did, who weren't allowed to wear the same clothes everyone else was wearing, who were raped and are terrified to leave their homes wearing anything that could be remotely considered "sexy", or afraid to leave them at all.
And I'm very sure that there are many women who have had bad experiences due to their appearance—one thing that helped me a lot was going out to shopping districts or malls and watching the people. There are lots of women who are not conventionally attractive, some of whom have to have had the occasional issue in private spaces.
We all have much more in common with each other than most of the separatist loons want to admit. And that's their loss, because they're losing additional perspectives and support for their causes, where there are shared interests.
(And don't give up on the cramps yet! There are plenty of medical issues that can you give you pretty much the same experience as a bad period (bleeding optional).)
-- Jane
You are getting it.
Yes, your experiences sound more authentic.
G