Just letting the few people who are reading "Jake goes for help" that it will be delayed for a bit. Stuck on Chapter 4, and a Jaci/Dottie story popped into my head, and I have to try and finish the story that came out of my last flashback and I have about 6 other ideas trying to get their time too.

Feast or famine when it comes to my muse ....

Had a nice conversation at work last night. Was talking to a woman who knows a bit of my history and mentioned struggling with finding guys attractive, and gave as an example one of the receivers at work who passed me the day before in a tight white t shirt and me doing a double take, and then freaking out about it.

She giggled, and said a guy dressed like that is asking to be looked at, and that got me giggling, and I felt much better about the whole thing.

I lost my voice at work last night. Even swallowing hurt. I'm hoping this goes away soon ....

I got a call from the Grey Nuns hospital where I was supposed to be taking part in the day program in January. The doctor I talked to said the day program may not be a good fit for me, since I work nights and have Samantha in the evenings. But I will see him a week from today, and hopefully he can find some other alternative.

I know my latest story is dark, and probably not everybody's cup of tea. Frankly, its really hard to write too, so I'll be trying to wrap it up as fast as I can.

Well, last night, my brother gave me a lift to work, and boosted my car. While we drove out there, we talked about life and death, faith and feelings, salvation and sanctification.

Been doing a lot of thinking about what it is that makes a man a man or a woman a woman, and honestly, I dont know.

I miss my friend Kylie. Its funny, I go stretches where I'm okay, and then something happens to remind me of her, and its like I think "I'd love to talk to her about this" and then I remember she's not in my life anymore, and I grieve all over again.

Ah, well.

I've been working on what the weight loss place gave me for "homework", and in a week, I have already lost some weight. Hard to tell exactly how much on my home scale, but its a lot closer to 270 lbs than to 280 lbs, which is what I was a week ago.

I can do this, I can do this ....

Well, I had a very good night at work, and it helped beat back the negative self-talk I had been fighting with, and that's a good thing.

I'm no Cyclist, and the story I'm writing isnt likely to be as good as "Sweat and Tears", but .... well ... you'll guys see when its finished.

Its my brother's birthday today, and we're going to his house to celebrate.

Its going to be the 2nd year in a row he gets a card from his sister, I wonder if he'll say anything?

Well, a couple of days ago Kylie got a hold of me, which was good, since by then I was pretty much convinced I'd never hear from her again, and that she was going to go off herself.

Just a quick note to wish all my American friends here a happy Thanksgiving.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

I'm thankful for my mother,and her acceptance of me as Dorothy

I just got back in the door from the Endo doc, and things are mixed. My testosterone levels are still way too high, so high the doc asked if I was missing doses.

As if I needed more stress, the little improvised repair job mom did for car finally failed, and now I'm missing a piece of my front bumper. I will have to fix it, no choice, except I dont know how I'm going to pay for it.

Plus, I noticed when I came on today that my friend Kylie has dropped me from her "buddy" list for instant messaging, meaning that I have no way to contact her at all (I have her email, but she can block that, or even change her mailbox, and I will never even know it.) So it finally hit me I've lost her forever, and my heart is broken.

I'm grieving the loss of my friend, and as I do I notice that this is not a straightforward process. It seems like my grief comes in waves, and in between them I almost feel normal, until the next big wave hits.

It almost feels like some part of me knows I couldnt take the whole thing at once, so has arranged for me to have respites to prevent me from being overwhelmed.

Ah, well.

A couple of years ago, when I started working for Zellers, I got a credit card, which turned out to be a mistake - I was not prepared to handle it, and eventually cut up the card.