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Well, a couple of days ago Kylie got a hold of me, which was good, since by then I was pretty much convinced I'd never hear from her again, and that she was going to go off herself.
However, our conversations were .... difficult, stilted, and we never really talked about why she left in the first place.
This got me thinking of referring to that time as a "Zombie friendship", because it had the shape of what it once was, but was lacking the vitality and life that made the relationship wonderful.
Now, she's gone again, and once more I have no way to know if she'll be okay, or if cutting me off is the first step in her plans to take her own life.
But I was thinking about it going to work last night, and I realized I had a choice here - I could spend my time beating myself up for the mistakes I made with her, or I could sit and wallow in my loss and let it run my life .... or I could use the results of her friendship - my increased confidence and emotional strength to do what I think she would want me to - make a good life for myself.
So I'm going to try and do the last option, and live a life that she'd be proud of me for, even if she never sees the end result.
Wish me luck in this.
Comments
Sometimes Cutting off Contact
with those whom won't listen, won't try to improve themselves to get better or get help, or try to develop more positivity in their life, it is the only thing to do. Because what they are doing is dragging you down with them like an anchor and chain wrapped around you in the water.
You have to make the tough choice and do what's best for yourself, no matter how painful. Not everyone can be helped, but do help those that can be.
And I think you did the right thing!
I'm proud of you Dorothy. Your life is definitely worth something to me! And to the rest of us here at BCTS - you are a part of our family!
*Great Big Hug*
Sephrena
mistakes made
Mistakes are not a bad thing. They provide us a chance to learn and grow. My roommate routinely does some things that make me wish it withdraw. There are a few things I know.
The important thing is not to allow guilt to enter the picture. We can choose who we act to the situations that we find ourselves in. When I go into feeling guilty or assigning guilt to someone else, I take away my choices.
I would hesitate to say that you should live life as she would want it. I'm sure I am taking those words way too literally though. She gave you a gift. Use it to make yourself proud and whole. I believe that is what really matters the most.
Love & Light,
Cassie Ellen