Remember how yesterday I got called a "gentlemen"?

Well, as if to make up for it, a I overheard a mother tell her little kid "watch out for the lady" - referring to me.

Gender stuff is weird, isnt it?

For once, I have a legitimate excuse for my long absence.

During the first week of August, I broke my leg in what has to be the freakiest of freak accidents. Numerous people have asked me in the last few weeks what happened, and to this day I find it impossible to adequately describe.

Okay I have a bit of a weird one for you, so forgive me if this makes no sense.

A while back I made a little poem called "I hate my toes", which was mostly just a little bit of nonsense about how having someone who loves you turns even your least favorite parts of yourself into something special.

And while my toes arent my least favorite body part (that is and always will be my male bits), I havent exactly ever been particularly fond of them either - they always looked too ... masculine to me.

I got called "grandma" today.

No, I'm not kidding.

A little boy waved at me and said, "Hi, grandma."

What do you guys think? Compliment? Or not?

I had a visit from someone from my cleaning company today, and a couple of good things are hopefully gonna come from it.

One is he promised me that he will see about getting my coverage for my meds going, and he's also promised me that they will get me an actual uniform.

So I am going to give this news a tentative yay ...

I have been trying my best to make this blog super positive lately, and it helps that some good stuff is going on, but as the point of this little exercise is to be honest, I do have to share some not-so-positive stuff.

Right now, my biggest worry is my health. Now my pain levels have been slowly increasing again after a period of leveling off, but that's not really what's new.

Had an interesting moment at work today.

I was waiting for the public washrooms to clear so I could clean them, and while I waited, I noticed a little girl in a shopping cart with her mom. When she saw me, she squealed with delight and began "talking" to me in baby chatter, waving her arms around and generally having a great time.

I couldn't help myself - I started laughing.

(There may have been some giggles involved, but I refuse to confirm or deny)

During a conversation I had with my mom this weekend, it occurred to me that she has her own kind of PTSD.

She was talking about some stuff that happened before she married my dad, and it was like she wasn't just remembering, but reliving the painful stuff.

I could suggest counseling, but she can be stupidly stubborn sometimes, and seeing someone is one of those areas.

Ah, well. I can give her lots of love, that will help a little, I'm sure.

I had a rather embarrassing dream last night. I dreamed that I had come to a hotel and due to it being overbooked I would have to share a room.

My roommate?

Hugh Jackman.

See why that might be embarrassing?

If you've followed my recent blog posts then you'd know that I was having a mental health crisis to put it lightly. I went to a few psychiatrists and the last one said I needed an evaluation inpatient at a hospital. Needless to say I wasn't thrilled but I did meet up with an old friend from high school while in there who tried to commit suicide. I'm not out of the woods yet but I am just outpatient at the hospital now after a week inpatient.

Well my lung function test this afternoon came back not so good.
a loss of 1 liter in capacity
and a loss of 4% airflow.

26% for my fev1 ( Forced Expressed Volume in 1 second )
33% fev1 after Ventolin

the only good news is my blood oxygen saturation level is 96%, only down 1% from 3 years ago.

with that last anything over 92% is considered good.

Thursday, August 4th at 7 pm I received an odd phone call. Odd because 7 pm is not the time you expect a nurse to phone.

Transcare BC nurse called because of my scheduled gender recognition surgery, I didn't even know transcare bc existed, yet they are post-op recovery specialists for trans people.

Since my new digs are a supportive housing building I really won't need much assistance from transcare bc but it is nice to know they are there if I do need them.

one thing that has come about lately for me is that because of my mom's anxiety levels, I have found myself pushing in the opposite direction, becoming more focused on the positives more optimistic, and more upbeat.

I think this is a good thing. I hope I can sustain it.

Cute moment from work yesterday.

I was passing by the tills with my cart and this little girl gave me a big smile, so I stopped, and said, "Oh oh, I think I saw trouble. Are you trouble?"

The little girl nodded enthusiastically, and her mother laughed.

Its the little moments like that which are worth treasuring.

Because I seem to be on some kind of event teeter-totter, where I cant have an up without a down, here is how my day went today.

First, the up. My car is less damaged than I thought, and my brother helped me put the spare tire on so I can drive to work until such time as i can afford to fix the car.

Now, the down: I went to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy, and discovered that somehow my coverage from work has been discontinued. I am going to have to phone tomorrow and find out what's going on.

See what I mean? Up and down, up and down ...

This is likely the third time I have blogged about this story since it came out around 2005. I began to read it in a time when my leaving this world was as likely as staying, and oddly the struggles of the protagonist had a steadying effect on me. Years later, it is clear that my own transition was no more voluntary than David's. To the wise, stay clear of psych drugs, and Counselors.

Well, we're officially in crunch time for our move. Tonight I will be packing the last of my stuff, and tomorrow morning we move.

Since I'll be offline for a couple of days, let me take this opportunity to thank everybody who takes the time to read this little blog, especially those who have left comments.

I am so blessed, and I thank you all.

Today's my last day off for a while as I'm involved with a 24hr 'pirate' radio station for the next 2 weeks, co-ordinating the media and social media.

I've sat down to do some writing and the next Anchored (#32) will be out later, after another proof-read, whilst #33 is almost done. That one will be out mid-week but #34 might have to wait for another spare day, whenever that is.

Shiraz

I had a splendid week with my two outstanding hosts, who fed and spoiled me. I saw some of the Alps, the historic city of Berne, two stages of the TdF, countless wild flowers and insects (some of which bit), some mammals - admittedly - in captivity, some new species of birds and a nightmare journey home from Basel airport. P dropped me off about 3.00pm for a flight at 5.30. We eventually took off after 7.15pm nearly two hours late and made good time flying back only to have to wait over an hour in the plane because they were short of ground crews at Gatwick. I finally got home at 12.10am.

As Deputy Chief Johnson might say, Whaay Thank yooou!

Friday was spent in transit to Switzerland, the transit bit not helped by road works on the M3 and poor sign posting, however I managed to find the car park and get myself to Gatwick where the usual two hours of boredom became three as my plane was delayed, according to QueasyJet, by the atrocity in Nice, the night before. Anyway, my broomstick finally landed at Basel and eventually I found the right exit where mine host was patiently waiting. The traffic to Bern was not helpful but we got there in time for lasagne - a favourite of mine.

Well, I saw my gender doc yesterday, and it was a mixed thing, with some good news and some bad news.

First, the bad news - if I want to even get an orchy, much less SRS, I need to start taking dieting seriously, and even then its gonna be iffy.

The good news is my doc has prescribed a new drug to help me with the PTSD, which I hope to get filled out Sunday. The drug's active ingredient is also one of the active ingredients in pot, so I guess you could say I'm gonna be (sort of) a pot head ...

Another day, another struggle with the shower monster.

I need to get clean, but I start to shake every time I try to step into the tub.

Sighs ...

I had kinda an up and down night last night.

First, mom and I managed to get another load of stuff over to the new place, so that was a yay.

Unfortunately, last night I also had to fight against a nasty voice telling me how ugly I am, how nobody would ever wanna go out with me, on and on and on.

And as it is raining cats, dogs, and possibly gerbils outside, I don't think its safe for me to go to church and get the huggles I need ...

Ah, well.