Autobiographical

being unable to cry

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You ever want to cry but be unable to?

I had that experience last night.

I was in pain and struggling with both PTSD and my gender issues, and I snuck into the bathroom to let loose, and I found myself ... blocked. I simply couldn't cry.

I kinda find that a little scary ...

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A Palace of One's Own

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I quite like Sherlock. Not only is Benedict Cumberbatch a great choice for the role, but the individual cases are usually interesting, if not quite as complicated as I'd like at times. Then again, I've only made it through the first and second seasons, so I may be missing some of the best.

Back on point, the series has a lot of great elements, but one of the ones I've found most attractive is the concept of the Mind Palace. I loved the concept from the show, and after doing some (very superficial) research into the ins and outs of its purpose and the method of using such, I decided I should have one of my own.

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The Family Girl #082: The Best Birthday Gift In the World

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      babypic.png
     
The Family Girl Blogs
(aka "The New Working Girl Blogs")

Blog #82: The Best Birthday Gift In the World

To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl
Blogs,
click on this link:
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

I just wanted to announce the birth of baby Aiko Gianina.

10:59PM EST, July 3 2016
********** Hospital, Silver Spring
5.1 pounds, 16 inches tall
ten fingers, ten toes, and the most beautiful brown eyes in the world.
 

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Bike Bite !!!

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A few of you have met me and know that I pride myself on being energetic, sassy and snotty, but fun. LOL. Though the last one of you to visit here saw me not feeling that well. I'm going to beat this fat butt into submission yet !!!

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Update on open heart surgery.

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According to my doctor my recovery from the 6 bypass is on track. However, I've never been one to sit and take it easy. While I can get around and take care of myself, I'm restricted in exertions. As an avid kayaker, I'm totally frustrated. This in turn has led to something I've seldom encountered and even then only briefly... depression. I can now see how it can bury people.

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crying happy tears over a birthday card

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My mother gave me a beautiful card for my birthday.

It starts with, "For you, Daughter, on your birthday." and end with "You're beautiful inside and out"

I'm gonna cry some happy tears now.

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2016-7 (1) ponders

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I'm pondering if my luck is changing??? In any case I'll keep my fingers crossed and keep on hoping it really has till proven different. Only thing that hasn't changed is the amount of paperwork / hoops in RL except maybe enlarging it.

Lynne
what meeting someone can do to a woman ...

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My parents are no longer being supportive

My anxiety and depression started to go down a bit when I started taking estradiol several weeks ago and my mom said that was a bad idea. I got my ears pierced and my parents tore into me that it wasn't something I needed and that I should be spending my money on supporting myself. I got my nails done and my mom flipped out that I should be looking for a job and I should be saving for a car and stuff so I can move out.

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the big 5 - 0

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Well, I have somehow managed to survive to see my 50th birthday, and I'd like to take the opportunity to thank a few people who have helped me live this long.

First, my mom, who loves me unconditionally.

My brother and sister, who have done so much for me.

Jaci, who is a wonderful online big sister.

My friend Erin.

All my online friends.

All my readers, especially those who have left comments on my stories.

Erin and her elves, for giving me a place to post my stuff.

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2016-06 (4) results

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Well it seems I'm going on to the second year at the start of September. Results are 76% (Maintenance and Repair), 83%,(Networktechnology) 90% (Basic Network theory) and 91% (OS2: intro to Linux).

Next year it's 'Wireless Networks, 'Basic Networksecurity', 'CO/NT project (internship)' and 'Client / Server 1' for the first semester which gets me a 'Computertechnician' certificate. This is followed by 'WAN and VLAN's', 'Switches and Routers', 'Internet networks' and Client / Server 2' for the second semester which gets me a 'Networktechnician' certificate.

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Be Careful What You Tell Your Shrink

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I sat with my Counselor of some 11 years today talking about some Meyers Briggs testing that was done on me in 2003 and a similar test done on me in 1966. In records that were with the 2003 tests was a test that said that I am an INFP (Meyers Briggs Personality Type). I can say that the assessment describes me perfectly and as she read the information, she somehow interpreted it to mean that I could react violently to certain situations. At the time I thought nothing of it but upon reflection simply can't figure out where she got that.

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Health not great ......

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The latest bits in my life, I'm currently dealing with a throat infection ( clarithromycin antibiotics, 500 mg twice a day ) and an exasperation of my copd ( Prednisone, foul tasting steroidal anti inflammatory pills, 50 mg a day ).

Not really unexpected, since the stress of being homeless for a month was almost a guarantee of it happening. At least I'm in a new place, and paying $324/mo less in rent.

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Second opinion, Got news from doctor, I'm ready to give up

I was told that it was not possible for my pelvis to change, for me to grow wider hips, my pelvis to tilted or wider like it should be. It will just be reallocation of fat. This on top of everything else not listed here make me not care anymore. I don't care that I am about to graduate college, it just doesn't matter that much to me and nothing else really ever has. Additionally that means that my pelvis would not be suitable for a transplanted womb. Unless another medical professional tells else tells me different I can't find the motivation to keep going.

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2016-06 (2)

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As I said in a previous post, my exams are finished. Don't have anything on paper about before the results before 15h55 next Monday but it seems I passed all exams. Lets hope those teachers weren't pulling my leg.

So now, even if it's the start of the summer holidays and I probably already have an internship, I'm sending out mails to ask if it would be possible to do an internship with their organisation. So far I only contacted 4.

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Struggling with extreme anxiety & forboding about the Doctor tomorrow.

I have been distraught for about a week because I did not realize earlier how much it meant to me to have wider hips, hip rotation and pelvic tilt, I am 26 and have been on testosterone suppressants for several years and I am hoping I am not to late because otherwise i don't know if i can take bad news in this regard safely.

hugs:)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna

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Vacation over for another year (or maybe not)

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Well, that's it for another year. Just waiting for my flight from Vegas to London.

I went stargazing on the Nevada Northern from Ely last night. The almost full moon meant that most stars were invisible. Still we got good views of Mars, Jupiter and Saturn and the Moon.

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Almost back to normal

Anchored 21 is finally finished! I started it a few weeks ago but haven't had any spare time.

In the two weeks + , since we moved in, the place has undergone a transformation and is now properly a home. There are some niggles but they are minor.

Finally on Monday we get our fibre connected and rejoin the online world without fear of using up my phone's data allowance (my daughter managed a month's allowance in 2 days!!)

Shiraz

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My brain is weird ...

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Here is a weird one for you all.

I helped my brother pack some stuff up in prep of our move, and I should have left feeling good for accomplishing something.

But on the drive home I started crying for no dam reason at all.

My brain is weird ...

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2016-06 Exams and stuff

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The good news first. I passed at least one exam (19/25 so Yeuh ;) ) and I'm losing weight (double Yeuh :D )

Now the bad part. Everything, except school, I touch does a 'crash and burn'. and it's getting to me. . My Mom spending another 2 weeks in the hospital due to a little 'crise' didn't help. The general situation in the world isn't helping either ( thinking about a Heinlein quote right now).

So here I am just like during the first semester exams almost hitting the bottom and I got the feeling I'll keep on falling.

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I am honored and humbled

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I got some high praise from Shadowblade, and I wanted to share it.

"you have been around on this site for some time and your presence is nothing less of a godsend to many of the writers. You always take the time to read and post nice comments. When I said pillar of the community I truly meant it! You are like the guiding star the sailor uses to steer his ship."

I am totally bowled over by this compliment.

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Mellowed with age...

Over the past couple of decades, I've been weeding the men's clothes out of my wardrobe. First went the underwear, then little by little the outer wear was replaced with items from the women's rack. At the present time, I only have one outfit that is strictly men's clothes. I'm hanging on to that as I, twice a year, go drab for my wife. Once on her birthday and again on our anniversary.

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Insanity at the VA

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A couple weeks ago, I went to the VA to get a Doctor to look at a spot on my back that never heals, so I wanted to see if it was Cancer. Spent about a half hour with the doctor and left, and then in about a few days I get a call from another Doctor that said that she was told that I wanted to start living as a man again. What ?!? The!

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Settling in

My daughter and I have been at our new home for just over a week. One of the best aspects of the property is the garden and patio behind the house. Today I enjoyed planting herbs and a few flowers after spending a few days clearing the undergrowth. Over this weekend we'll host a housewarming with my family.

So, we're getting there.

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Tut the trans Pharaoh ?

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Yesterday I watched an interesting documentary on King Tut, and they did a "virtual autopsy" on his body. Apparently, he suffered from a hormonal imbalance, resulting in him having wider hips and a small amount of breast growth.

Even more interesting was that the condition was hereditary, and his dad had it even worse, looking a lot like a woman with some facial hair and a male organ.

So I find myself wondering who wants to do a King Tut the trans Pharaoh story?

Any takers?

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Women Love Movies Weekend

I has to work today, a record hot day in the Portland, OR metro area. When I came home, I slipped into a lightweight skirt and cotton blouse to enjoy the cool air conditioned living room. My wife offered to let me choose what TV channel to watch. After a quick scan, the listings showed me that "Sister Act" was just starting on ION so I opted to watch that, since I've always liked the movie. As it got over I saw that "Sister Act Two" was airing. Having never seen it, I decided to watch it.

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moving at the end of July

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I have been debating when I should mention this in public - I am moving at the end of July.

The reason why I am bringing it up now is to warn everybody I'll have to dial back my online presence to spend time prepping for the move, and I didn't want anybody to panic.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle-Girls

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When I was around a year old my aunt Paula moved in with my mom to help take care of me. My sperm donor was never much of a parent, even then, and between me, her job, and a little sister on the way, she needed the help. To this day, my aunt has been a huge influence on me, both in the things I like and the way I see the world.

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More true tales of dormousing

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I spent the morning walking up hill and down dale in woodland checking dormouse nest boxes. I suspect we probably checked about a hundred and fifty. We found two sharing a box, a male and female; both were torpid but equally gorgeous.

This I think is the male, who was slightly heavier.

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Keys

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I finally received my keys to the new place today. That meant a day of moving furniture and trying to get at least the kitchen into a working state. We failed on that but a singular carton of milk is spending the night in the fridge which is humming on the lowest possible setting. Shopping for food will happen on Wednesday!

I reckon I'll be able to cook from tomorrow (once I have food!) so the focus will move to the bathrooms (supplies & cleaning) then to my bedroom.

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home

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I made it across the border. no problems, no issues. border guards were friendly and helpful and not at all intimidating or rude. I'm home to stay ^^

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I survived

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Your thoughts and prayers greatly helped.

My last blog I stated I was going into the hospital for a triple bypass open heart surgery.

However, I never do things half way. When they opened me up they discovered I needed 6 bypasses.

Needless to say my surgery was bit more complicated than anticipated. I spent 8 days hospitalized before being discharged.

My youngest sister took a week away from work to assist me at home. Her assistance was greatly appreciated and made my return easier. Sis returned home yesterday and my daughter arrived today to help'

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Memorial Day Weekend. 8 Years post RLT

So. Memorial Weekend is upon us once again. Funny how that happens about this time every year. Celebrating my 8th B'day (8 years post-transition) and remembering the monumental few days surounding this date 8 years ago.

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Seeking general advice(motivational, weight loss, ect), mtf(transition coverage)

I am seeking advice on several fronts and I will break it down as follows.

1. First I am trying to lose a great deal of weight and I am pretty sure that my medications may be inhibiting this, they are spironolactone, adderal, risperidone, and clomipramine. I really want to lose weight before I transition.

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USA: Here I come!

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So, after a little more than a year of wrestling with the United States of America's really unfriendly immigration system, I was approved and I have my immigration package. I'll be heading there this Sunday to marry my fiance.

I don't know entirely what to expect at the border, but it's the last place I can be denied entrance. Naturally, I'm nervous but hopeful, any tips from anyone?

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Seven years plus

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While I was distracted with other things, my 7th anniversary here passed a couple of weeks ago.

So even though its late, let me thank Erin, Piper, and all the people who keep this site going, as well as all the writers whose stories I've enjoyed, and all the readers, especially those who have left a comment on my own humble works.

Happy anniversary huggles to everybody!

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2 days into working for my new company

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Well, I had my 2nd shift working for the new cleaning company, and so far, its been a mixed experience.

First, the good - I got a semi-promotion and have been given the responsibility for training our two newcomers and acting as kind of a on site supervisor. Plus, I must be doing pretty well at this, since my store has already been singled out as one with a high rating after the first couple days.

Now the bad - despite the less physically taxing job, I haven't had a reduction in my pain levels. In fact I was close to tears a couple of times last night.

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The new place

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Progress!

I agreed the rent with the new landlord yesterday, all bar £2 is covered by the local council housing department so that just leaves utilities. I also now have a moving in date - 1st June. My daughter is going to spend a few days with my mother and I'll remain in the hotel (we'll need the room Mon/Tues next week so don't want to give it up yet!)

No word on the clothes etc, so I'm chasing that today. I'm also chasing why the UK TV licensing lot have taken my money twice (television not trans!).

Shiraz

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