I was told that it was not possible for my pelvis to change, for me to grow wider hips, my pelvis to tilted or wider like it should be. It will just be reallocation of fat. This on top of everything else not listed here make me not care anymore. I don't care that I am about to graduate college, it just doesn't matter that much to me and nothing else really ever has. Additionally that means that my pelvis would not be suitable for a transplanted womb. Unless another medical professional tells else tells me different I can't find the motivation to keep going.

I have been distraught for about a week because I did not realize earlier how much it meant to me to have wider hips, hip rotation and pelvic tilt, I am 26 and have been on testosterone suppressants for several years and I am hoping I am not to late because otherwise i don't know if i can take bad news in this regard safely.

hugs:)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna

Anchored 21 is finally finished! I started it a few weeks ago but haven't had any spare time.

In the two weeks + , since we moved in, the place has undergone a transformation and is now properly a home. There are some niggles but they are minor.

Finally on Monday we get our fibre connected and rejoin the online world without fear of using up my phone's data allowance (my daughter managed a month's allowance in 2 days!!)

Shiraz

Here is a weird one for you all.

I helped my brother pack some stuff up in prep of our move, and I should have left feeling good for accomplishing something.

But on the drive home I started crying for no dam reason at all.

My brain is weird ...

tl;dr: dysphoria is not fun.

Content Note: self-loathing

Over the past couple of decades, I've been weeding the men's clothes out of my wardrobe. First went the underwear, then little by little the outer wear was replaced with items from the women's rack. At the present time, I only have one outfit that is strictly men's clothes. I'm hanging on to that as I, twice a year, go drab for my wife. Once on her birthday and again on our anniversary.

My daughter and I have been at our new home for just over a week. One of the best aspects of the property is the garden and patio behind the house. Today I enjoyed planting herbs and a few flowers after spending a few days clearing the undergrowth. Over this weekend we'll host a housewarming with my family.

So, we're getting there.

I am not sure if its stress or the pain I am in, but I seem very fragile at the moment.

So if I start crying forgive me?

I have been debating when I should mention this in public - I am moving at the end of July.

The reason why I am bringing it up now is to warn everybody I'll have to dial back my online presence to spend time prepping for the move, and I didn't want anybody to panic.

I spent the morning walking up hill and down dale in woodland checking dormouse nest boxes. I suspect we probably checked about a hundred and fifty. We found two sharing a box, a male and female; both were torpid but equally gorgeous.

This I think is the male, who was slightly heavier.

Some stories hit so very hard, the feelings scream for expression.

I made it across the border. no problems, no issues. border guards were friendly and helpful and not at all intimidating or rude. I'm home to stay ^^

Your thoughts and prayers greatly helped.

My last blog I stated I was going into the hospital for a triple bypass open heart surgery.

However, I never do things half way. When they opened me up they discovered I needed 6 bypasses.

Needless to say my surgery was bit more complicated than anticipated. I spent 8 days hospitalized before being discharged.

My youngest sister took a week away from work to assist me at home. Her assistance was greatly appreciated and made my return easier. Sis returned home yesterday and my daughter arrived today to help'

When I come out to my family, will I get invalidated (again)?

So, after a little more than a year of wrestling with the United States of America's really unfriendly immigration system, I was approved and I have my immigration package. I'll be heading there this Sunday to marry my fiance.

I don't know entirely what to expect at the border, but it's the last place I can be denied entrance. Naturally, I'm nervous but hopeful, any tips from anyone?

Well, I had my 2nd shift working for the new cleaning company, and so far, its been a mixed experience.

First, the good - I got a semi-promotion and have been given the responsibility for training our two newcomers and acting as kind of a on site supervisor. Plus, I must be doing pretty well at this, since my store has already been singled out as one with a high rating after the first couple days.

Now the bad - despite the less physically taxing job, I haven't had a reduction in my pain levels. In fact I was close to tears a couple of times last night.

The oriechtomy went well, but the spinal anesthetic wearing off is as painful as local from getting a filling in your teeth.

5:45 check-in for 7:45 surgery time. Was out before 11:30

gonna go lie down after I finish eating.

Some ten days ago it was agreed that I could collect all my remaining possessions from my former apartment on an appointed day.

That was today amd I should have guessed that a few things wouldn't go to plan. It started when no-one arrived at 0900 except myself and my uncle. I called the agency, left a message and got a call back after a few minutes - the usual agent was on his way but hadn't expected to be there today, there was a mis-communication between himself and the owner apparently. That was the first problem, as he arrived he suggested there was another issue.

I've been waiting for some good news and it looked at one point today that my waiting was in vain.

I had hoped that my prospective landlord would have made his mind up by now but that hadn't happened. While I was with him, however, my daughter turned up and then a man with a van arrived. I asked about renting the van for Monday morning when I need to empty the flat and he asked where it needed to go so I suggested the large ground floor living room at the vacant property. That finally prompted the decision - the place is ours!

Has anyone heard of Manifest Solutions and their LGBT non discrimination policy, I asked for their policy and this was the response. I want to know what their policy is, but I am afraid to ask specifically in case the paid internship leading to a job is withdrawn. I am not sure how to ask without tipping my hand so to speak, does anyone have any suggestions.

Hugs :)
Michelle

Equal Employment Opportunity and ADA

I feel like I owe my readers an apology. Its been more than a month since I published the last chapter of Mercy, and i cant even say I'm close to having the next one ready.

But pain, PTSD, gender dysphoria, and life stress have sapped my creativity totally, and so my progress has slowed to a crawl.

I'm so sorry.

Well everyone I'm back and as you might remember I lost my outline to my story Broken Phoenix(or so I thought) well it turns out I made a second copy of the file and stuck it on a thumb drive. Now I'm happy to announce that Broken Phoenix will actually be returning! No timeframe as of yet but it will be returning when I get back to writing it(which is right now actually)

There is a rally for trans rights today in Edmonton.

I wish I could go, but there is this whole "I need to work so i need to sleep" thing.

As authors, if we are going to be any good, perhaps we learn to sort of "be" other people since we must develop characters as we write a story and most often our stories have more than one person in them. As I have been thinking about this, perhaps lots or even most T folk learn to be more than one person in our real lives and each of them are very real. Then I thought about a police officer who must be an authoritarian figure at work, and when he gets home he is dad, hey you, or some such.