Well, I volunteered today at the local food bank, and it was wonderful.

I'm glad I overcame my anxiety and went.

I'm going to try and make it part of my weekly routine.

Well, got a frustrating situation going on. See, way back at the beginning of December, I booked the last week of January off, got that approved by my supervisor, and gave the sheet to the personal office.

And yet, my name is on the schedule for that week.

I talked to the store manager and my supervisor about this, and they asked me about pushing my time off because they are expecting a new maintenance person to be starting around that time, and they would prefer they not have to go solo right away, but rather have someone to show them the ropes.

I am really angry, and trying to keep a lid on it.

See, a couple of days ago, our provincial government brought down some recommendations for school boards dealing with LGBT kids, but not everybody was pleased.

The bishop of Calgary fired off on the recommendations, especially those that were supposed to help make trans kids safer in schools.

So when I read what he said, I started to get angry.

I wanted to fire back, to find out his email address and fill his inbox with every bit of rage i could.

But that's not the person I want to be.

I am not sure why, but it seems like my social anxiety levels are sky high.

First, I had to fight anxiety off just to go to a store and get help fixing our shower chair, and then today, I was going to go to volunteer at the local food bank (It was something my councilor recommended), but I got so anxious I didn't go.

Sighs ....

I'm back from my counseling appointment, and I am not sure if this is good news, but they want to do a full psych evaluation on me, because they think I'm having problems beyond the ones I'm already on meds for.

So I'm crazier than even I thought ...

Anybody who has had a pet can understand how they can sneak into your heart, and become a part of the family.

Well, my daughter had to say goodbye to a member of her family today, and in honor of little Hanna, here is a little song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUeuODPofpo

Stephie's (my wife's) condition continues to degrade. She was first diagnosed with dementia/Alzheimer's disease in 2013. She was put into hospice a year later. Since then, I've been taking care of her at home, and slowly watching her degrade over time.

The periods where she is coherent grow fewer and further between. She no longer recognizes me. She think's I'm our son.

She struggles to say simple things. I would like to think that her mind knows what she's trying to say, but it gets lost in translation to what comes out of her mouth.

My wife has long been the policewoman looking out for fashion no-nos. By that I mean seeing to it that I don't get too feminine for the situation. These could be a simple as seeing to it that I'm dressed masculine enough to be seen with her, to seeing to it that I'm dressed masculine enough to be seen by our friends and family that don't know I'm T.

Well, I have had a productive day.

I got my laundry done, I have replacements coming for my health care card and my social insurance card coming, I got money out to pay for my share of the rent, I got a refill on my meds, and I treated myself to some cheese bread.

And now I'm working on the next chapter of "Mercy"

Not a bad day ...

Here is my take on 2015:

This was the year where old, tired governments got replaced by parties with younger leaders and more optimistic outlooks

But it was also the year a reality show host became the leading nominee for President of the U.S.

It was a year that a black man was still in the White house

but it also was a year where a lot of unarmed black men got shot by police.

It was a year in which the Pope asked capitalists to take more care of the less fortunate

Well reading "The ties that bind" and, to put it blunt, pissed me of. so that I needed to shake it of. Not, to be to the point, that I hate it or that am angry at it. Just me being f****d as usual and letting my brain do her stuff >faceplam<

One reason I like reading and some tv-show /movies / anime , and that's forgetting music, is that my brain gives it an extra twist. My Mom used to say that when I watched a show, I was 'IN' the televionset instead of on the couch/floor where my body was. (was fun with the original Star Wars but hell with horormovies ).

Happy new year, everybody. I hope 2016 turns out to be an amazing fantastic year for you all.,

And just because you've all been good, here is a little treat:

"So what do you want to do tonight, Dottie?"

"Same thing we do every night, Jaci - try to convince people we're not girly girls!"

(Music plays)

"Oh they're Jaci and the Dot.

Jaci and the Dot.

One is a smartie, the other might have a thought.

They're really girly girls,

who give their skirts a twirl

They're Jaci, Jaci and the Dot Dot Dot ...."

Well, I have learned that no matter how bad things get, I can always make them worse with a little not thinking.

I managed to lose my wallet Monday, and spent yesterday hitting catch-22 after catch-22 trying to get replacements for my driver's licence, so I cant go to work tonight.

I know this too will pass, but darn it, I really didn't need to make things more difficult right now.

Well, I have gotten a setback in terms of getting SRS.

I was supposed to go to Arizona for a consult in January, but as I have not gotten notice that my plane ride will be covered by the Alberta government, I cant go.

I knew this was coming, its not a shock, really. And I've been trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter. It's not what's between my legs that makes me a woman.

Turns out I didn't believe me.

i sobbed on the phone with Jaci and another friend for five to ten minutes over this disappointment.

Well maybe it's because I'm not sleeping right (as in regulary and enough houres). But I got my eyes tearing up almost constantly at the moment. Crying at one moment, wishing for things an being jealous at another and laughing at reference and music at again another.

Well, not really new for this time of the year but it's a bit extreem this winter.

So this was my Christmas day.

Worked until 7 AM, came home, slept, woke up to discover my mother was sick and I was getting sick, so the two of us spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch together watching Dr. Who.

I've had worse Christmases ...

Just wanted to send Christmas huggles to everybody here

HUGGLES!!

Well I have just had pre op assessment. So it will not be long now before I have surgery on my left shoulder. I have been told it will be done with keyhole surgery. Screws are to be attached to my shoulder and then the ligament fastened to them. I am also to have some bone trimmed away at the same time. All this to be done under a shoulder block rather than a general anaesthetic.

I hope this will help some of you work things out.

Earlier I read an article that dealt with the idea of there being another "self" inside us. The author wrote about the fact that some twins are so close that they are almost linked at the hip and so on.

I think the article was on BBC/co/uk, but did I save the link? NO. Sorry.

Well, I was on my way to the local cycling shop to meet up with my group, supposed to be my first night pulling the pack, or at least attempting to. I'm riding past the local elementary school and my necklace falls off. (Bear in mind the clasp is perfectly functional and not broken) so I double back and spot it in the middle of the exit for the school parking lot. I lay my bike down, pick up my necklace and walk back to my bike. I put it on tuck it under my jersey and go on my way. So I was on the main road and she was exiting the parking lot of the school.

I found a possible helper for when I struggling with bad memories - humor.

After a conversation on bulling here on Facebook, I went to work and started struggling with PTSD. Fortunately, I had help - a very funny book that made me giggle several times reading it.

So by half-way through the night, I was starting to feel better.

Anybody else have something that helps them get through PTSD moments?

I just got home from surgery on my left leg that I broke last year , this is surgery number 4 . I had screws that needed to come out before they broke as it is it was causing a lot of pain by moving in the bone causing a hole to form.
I am OK but back to using a walker for awhile at least I am not in a wheelchair .

Just wanted to give a public thank you to Erica-Jane and all the people on the BC chat who helped pull me out of my down. And to everyone who sent me a message of support when I needed it.

You guys are amazing.

Huggles to all!

So, I ran into a little bit of an issue, and I may need help resolving it, I checked the website by the way, I didn't see any sort of rules or anything forbidding this, but if I am breaking SOME kind of rule here mods, I'm sorry, I just don't know. If there's a proper way to do this, let me know please.