...a faceless man, in a long dark coat. He stole silently into where she was sleeping, and carried her away.

It's not like we didn't know this day was coming. There is no recovery from the dementia, no going back to being the vibrant woman that she was when she was healthy. I'm slowly coming to terms with it.

I had a friend comment that he couldn't imagine what I was going through. I replied with this:

I don’t talk about myself much, guess I’m not very comfortable with it. I am willing to talk to anybody, be it a crowd or one on one, but writing about me feels weird. I post on my blog about twice / thrice a year, complete with pictures, if anyone is interested.

I’ve been unemployed almost 6 months, longer off and on again. Unemployment is long gone, and savings are draining steadily. I have my son (nephew actually, but the relationship is that of parent adult). If not for him I would be in real trouble.

I went to the Big Closet chat site, and it came back "timed out"

Anybody know what's going on?

Well, there went my good day.

I just got home from the doctor's and its not good news.

I have arthritis in both hips, not just the left one.

They want me to do physio, but its not covered by my work plan.

So I don't know what's next ...

I had a fantastic day with my daughter today. We went to West Edmonton Mall, walked around, talked of fashion, makeup, and shoes, and she was totally comfortable with both the conversation and my feminine wardrobe.

I am so blessed ...

You know how I've been saying I'm in pain and wish I could get a break from work?

Well, I should be a bit more careful in my wishes.

I got a serious dressing down from my boss last night, giving me the impression I'm on thin ice in terms of continuing to work there, and to say the least I'm pretty depressed about it.

You add pain and PTSD to my depression, and its not a good situation at the moment.

hugs and prayers appreciated.

One can not always wear stilletos, especially not in the winter. I discovered shoes called Pikolinos that even in size 11 women's still look very girly, and are comfortable.

Gwen

Life for us has been a test of every thing my family holds dear and nearly dumped my family onto the street. Due to recent changes in Section 8 laws Our housing Voucher Was Close to being cancled .

The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #74: The Girl Who Had FFS, and the Bunny: Goodbye, Anne and Angel To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

I very infrequently visit the site anymore. There are many reasons why. But more than anything, it’s probably because I am not the same person I was before that relied on the site for more than just wanting to read stories. It is, perhaps, because of who I am and how I changed.

But more about that later, I think.

The reason I am posting this time is because I read Aunt Andrea’s New Year’s blogpost about Annette MacGregor. And that Aunt Andrea found her name in the “In Memoriam” box…

I looked, and, yes, her name, as well as Angel O’Hare’s name was there…

Well, I had a very rough night at work last night.

It started off with me finding out that I am scheduled for the last week of the month when I had asked for and been signed off on getting vacation for that time, so I was a little ticked off by that.

Then my boss basically accused me of deliberately skipped part of my job, not even considering the possibility that I had simply forgot.

This sent me into a depressive spiral, leaving me feeling worthless and like nothing matters.

What do ribbons really mean?
They show about a time and place you have been.
They show deeds done.

That is the face they show to others.

They wont ever show the child never coming home.
They wont ever show the child never held again.
They wont show the light leaving some ones eyes.
They wont show the loss of having every thing you had destroyed.
They wont tell of the torment of dreams.
They wont tell of faces coming to you in your sleep.
They wont tell os the sounds and smells that send your mind to a far off place

Dear all,

I logged into BC today for the first time in six months and I'm sorry I haven't been around - please don't believe any rumours you probably haven't heard. My muse has escaped me, I haven't written a word since last summer and have no sign of doing so in the next few days. The stories will be concluded but I can't give a timescale.

I'll check in a bit more often - I promise.

Shiraz

This is the day I started HRT. :) It is now one year later and I am SOOOOOO Happy!!! :)

been a tough day today.

Struggled with physical arousal (which is always painful for me, and sets off my PTSD)), and i got a call from Sharon saying tomorrow she's going to have to put down one of her dogs, and my daughter is gonna be devastated

I went in for cataract surgery on my left eye yesterday. I was instructed to wear a button up shirt for the procedure. So wore my new pull up pants and a blue blouse with a square cut hem and long sleeves. Masculine enough that my wife is OK with me wearing it anywhere. A must because a guy from church was my ride to and from. However, while it may have the cut of a man's shirt, it has no breast pocket, buttons are on the distaff side and it has darts to accommodate my bustline. Inadvertently, i wore a pair of flats rather then my usual penny loafers. More on that in another blog.

I've had a few things removed from BC. Nothing bad has happened.

I decided I wanted to change the format of how I posted my stories. This entailed the removal of almost half my work so far. It's all going to be put back on, but not until I'm happy with the format.

Other than that, I'm doing okay.

This is the first piece of original writing I've felt able to do since putting up "The Bridge." If you haven't read it this piece will make more sense if you stop now and do so.

This article may be sprawling, it may be rambling, or it may be short and rambling. I expect rambling, regardless of the size. There won't be any pretty pictures for this unless someone comes along and adds one. I don't think I can find a graphic that demonstrates how I feel now or how I felt when I wrote that story that won't trivialiase or make trite my feelings.

I really don't need to start 2016 of with throwing things like mug around and boxing at walls ... Need to get calm and back down from being angry /frustrated/... Heck don't know if I'll be able to take my exams in 2 weeks like this which adding stress to the equation. Work, or shoud is say notwork, isn't helping either.

Been a while since I felt like a timebom with a lit fuse. Don't even know what I'm doing or even why I'm writing this post. Heck my laptop almost went flying. And that's because of a damn story I started reading today.

This is an apology for my latest story.

I'm sorry its so dark.

Its just that the stress of losing my wallet, the stress of watching my mom get a lung infection and be unable to take antibiotics for either it or the hole they dug in her head to get out the cancer because they make her sick, the stress of my friend Jaci having no money and no food in her house and me not being able to help, the stress of knowing I'm going to have postpone any chance at SRS for the foreseeable, the stress of my PTSD, my depression, and my gender issues ...

Yes, I know. It's been a long time, and about that I will only say, depression is an evil affliction, lifting for a few days to a few weeks of blessed lucidity, only to return with renewed vigor. Much like the party guest who lingers well into the wee hours--the more you want him to leave, the more determined he is to stay.

Fortunately, in my lucid periods I did have a large backlog of ideas, so expect them to start appearing in future Mixed Tapes, if Hutcho will be so kind as to accept them.

I got read today, and it is my own damned fault. Most of the time when I am out in public I wear dress like a Muslim woman to include head scarf. I know it is so distracting that most don't think about my being trans.

Today I went in search of a dentist without Hijab and got rumbled. When you have something that works you should stick with it.

Gwne

My mom goes to get a piece of skin cancer removed tomorrow.

Prayers appreciated.

Seems I'm really back to the me of 20 years ago. The only difference is the fact I'm not having my gender issues which is good (post-op for 11 years now) although I'm still having body issues.

The bad? Well, my weirdness factor is going trough the roof. Can't seem to 'read' any situation. back to being afraid to walk out of the door (and no it's not agorafobia) and my mistrust due to not being able to 'read' thse situation I mentioned earlier is back t it peak. Not even going to start at the rest.