Well, it finally happened. My worst nightmare. As I have proudly proclaimed for a while. I'm quite confident in being out and about in my neighborhood and around town.

Tuesday, week before last, I was sent to get birdseed (and some other things) at Bi-mart after work. This time, I opted to stop by the house and change into appropriate clothing and not appear there in my overly masculine work uniform.

This past Sunday we went and met my boys for a lunch for Mothers Day / Fathers Day . My younger son paid for the lunch and then a nice surprise from my older son . He went to the Seminole Casino the week before and won $3000.00 at the back rack table so as we where leaving to go home he handed me some money folded with a $100.00 bill on the outside with 4 more on the inside very nice to get $500.00 for mom day and dad day. He has done this before we he wins big , he is a CPA and is ahead of the casino's with the winnings .

It;s been a few days since I posted a new chapter for either of my ladies. I'm afraid I've hit a block with Gains that needs a rethink but I had no desire to write over the weekend. Hopefully a new Testing Times will hit the news stand on Tuesday (that's today if you're East of the Meridian)

Well, we have finally got pictures on our walls, so my mom is happy.

Many trans people would be a little upset at seeing pictures of themselves pre-transition everywhere, but honestly, I find I don't mind all that much.

The boy I was raised as is a part of me, my history in boy world helps shape the woman I'm becoming, so why should I be ashamed of him?

Just my thinking, what's yours?

Will be a little slow with stories. Little brother planned it well but got found before he could succeed. Gaybashing is the root cause. I am not in a stable position at the moment. I will update when I can.

There have been some interesting things happening in the news in the last while, and is occasionally the case, I like to take some time to think about them before saying something. But I'm ready now, so here goes ...

Just a quick note. Since I couldn't post this on facebook, I'm posting it here..

Piper,
Happy Mother's Day! Thanks for making my day special, and being an awesome meme to our little ninja.

I love you more than ice cream!

Xoxo

Amy

You know, doing this blog, I've noticed that some entries are easier for me to write than others. In today's case, its super hard, so please be kind.

I had a good conversation with my pastor Tuesday. First we talked a little about the meltdown I had at church two Sundays ago, then we talked about a number of subjects including my past, my present, and my hoped for future.

It was in regard to the last that she wanted to give me some ideas to think about, especially in two main areas of concern.

For those who don't know, I'm fat. I mean really, really fat. I used to be fat when I was in high school, but I'm way beyond that now. When I won districts my senior year the newspaper read "slimmer heavyweight wins title". I thought the article was about someone else because I was at the high end of the weight class at 275lbs. But the article was about me and was littered with fat jokes and how I struggled keeping under 275. Oh, how I wish I weighed that now. Instead, I am 615lbs. God I wish that was a typo. But it is a fact of life.

Well, just when I thought I could start to relax after the stress of the move, I have a new anxiety to deal with.

See, my new landlord has given my mom and I a tenancy agreement form to fill out, and as it is a legal document, I'll have to put my legal name down, basically outing myself to him.

So I am trying really hard to not dwell on the possiblity of him freaking out over it, but I'm not succeeding all that well ...

Probably doesn't mean much to anyone else on here, but 9 years seems like a lot. Been here 9 years and been in love with someone on here for just about eight years....

Well it makes me happy, I hope my online lover feels the same....

{{Hugs}} to All

I am really struggling with the fact I am finding dudes attractive now. I think it would be hard enough with just the fact that I never found them interesting before my transition, but my past sexual abuse is making it much harder.

Not sure what to do, honestly.

Well, I was all set to regale you all with my tips for surviving a move when the brown stuff hit the fan - first in the form of a flashback just before church started, then I came home to find out my mom's car had its battery die on her.

Sigh ...

As a bit of history, for those who may not know...

Hi folks,

Easter weekend and the week following it were far busier than I had anticipated so I haven't had a whole lot of time to work on all the Hyperverse stuff i was doing. Add to that the fact that part 2 of Shocking Developments is turning out way longer than I anticipated and yeah not as much has been done as I would like.

This week I have sent in my application forms to claim my occupational and state pensions. At times it feels a bit scary, at others I can't wait to retire - the NHS is no place for old biddies or dinosaurs like me. It's all cut and thrust driven by youth and government targets, neither of which realise that they're reinventing wheels which didn't work last time or the one before. I suppose in my time I wanted to save the world too, now I just want to get off and do my own thing, tired of people who are too stupid to know that when they are in a hole, the best course is to stop digging.

Before an administrator gets upset that I'm posting on the same subject too often, this will be the last post about my foot for a while.

1. Dr. Martinez has been awesome. He has really kept on top of things and made sure I got the test that were needed and wouldn't take no for an answer. If others were so proactive, things wouldn't have gone so far.

2. I do not have an infection. Perhaps at one point I did, but I don't now. So that is a relief. After getting a bone scan a few weeks ago and getting a CT scan and x-rays today, everything came up negative.

Yesterday I drove all the way down to Sarasota to get an MRI (It's more than an hour drive one way) only to be told that I was too fat. That really does give one a blow to their ego. Excuse me ma'am, but the machine can only take one person at a time and each of your ass cheeks constitutes a person. Notwithstanding that I told these people my weight beforehand and that the nurse at the specialist did to (I was standing right there when she called), there was a "miscommunication" and I wasted 3 hours of my life.

I am really stressing over this move.

Hormones and age have sapped what little physical strength I had, and we aren't going to have a lot of help moving. I think this might be the worst move I've had yet, and that's saying something ...

It's been a case of ups & downs recently, none more so than the past few days.

As I've previously said, I've been suffering depression for a few months but it is under those conditions that I find I can concentrate on my writing as I effectively block out everything else. That doesn't mean that I ignore my teenage daughter, some chance of that, but calls & emails are unanswered for hours, or days.

Jennifer Sue

As an Indiana resident in Indianapolis, and a Religious Jew, I will be picketing the State Capital and Governor's Mansion claiming the Discrimination Law is against God's Law as soon as my foot doesn't have an ulcer.

Companies with headquarters in Indiana:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/30/indiana-ceos-lgbt-d...

Well, I finally made it to the end of a really tough week. My job was very physically taxing all week, getting ready for this move is stressing me, and my spiritual struggles meant I was emotionally drained all the time.

Ah, well. Maybe next week will be better ...