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Sorry, but I have a lot on my mind right now, and I haven't posted a blog in awhile. It's not anything particularly bad, just a lot of "Huh" and "Hmm" things. :-)
I've mentioned in the past that I took a hiatus from TopShelf for awhile because of drama. I won't get into the how and why and whatnot because, being honest, it's not important.. Drama happens, especially when you throw anonymity into the mix. It's old and buried.
My problem is that I've had trouble reconciling with becoming a regular visitor again after it all died down. I'm an introvert, and I suffer social anxiety disorder. I also have a condition known as hyperthesia. Basically I remember negative experiences far longer than your average human.
Taken together, it makes it harder for me to dip my toes back into the pool after nearly being eaten by piranhas the last time.
Okay, that's a terrible analogy. *laughs*
I'm not blaming anyone but myself for what happened though. Being honest, I let myself develop a big head because of my runaway success. Call it big fish in a small pond, call it a false sense of security, but combined with crap that happened, and some hard criticism from a well-meaning friend whose opinion I valued deeply, I had my ego deflated pretty hard.
That was well over a year, maybe two, ago. I've mostly been in hiding because I was ashamed, a little depressed, and afraid to poke my head out of my little gopher hole that the lawnmower might be making another pass.
But after reading about a similar drama implosion in another community, wherein a major figurehead content creator who has something like 10 MILLION subscribers on Youtube, was chased off back when he had a lowly 50k, it made me realize just how good things really are here, and how much I missed when I'd post a blog every week or two, interact with fellow authors and, let's be honest, friends that I made here.
There is always drama in every community, whether it's online or in real life. It's unavoidable unless you just hide away in a cave. Well, I'm tired of hiding. But I don't know how to crawl back out of my cave.
I made myself a nice, comfy safety zone where I just talk to a small handful of very close friends, and my girlfriend Ashleigh of course has been an absolute pillar. She and I have endured so much both in our individual lives and together these last few years.
Writing has really kept me sane. Throughout everything I've never stopped writing. We haven't posted even a tenth of what we work on because we only post what we actually finish now. Yes, that means Lights, Camera, Action is already finished, edited, and proofed. :-)
But we only finish stories we're really attached to. That's part of the reason our posting has slowed down massively. Despite all that stuff I said about drama and whatnot, the reason I stopped posting as much is simply because we didn't want to get into a situation where we never finish a story, as we've unfortunately done in the past.
Anyway, if you made it this far, God(s)(dess)(es) bless your patience :-)
I guess what I'm really trying to get across here can be summed up in two simple words: I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for not being more patient. I'm sorry for not being more supportive of new authors who are probably reading this, going, "Who the hell is Zoe Taylor, and why should I care?" ;-)
I don't consider myself a great author anymore, but I still write because it's what I love, even if my characters spend way too much time explaining their feelings, or if there's not enough conflict and too much sugar sweet happy fun times. I write because it's what I love most in this world, and I'd write even if no one ever read it.
But you guys and gals do read. You read everything that Ashleigh and I collaborate on, and you comment, and you support us, even despite me being an introverted, closed-off jerk.
I love you all, and I hope our writing continues to bring joy to others as it does for us.
~ Zoe
Comments
Welcome back
I've been a fan of your's since your first story(robin) and love your stories glad to see ya back. Though I hate to ask as I'm sure you've been asked before are ya ever gonna give us more robin?
It may just turn everyone
It may just turn everyone against me ;-) But after a great deal of careful consideration and at least three previous attempts, Ashly and I are completely rebooting the Robinverse.
The landscape in which a TG teen is growing up has changed massively in just five years. There's more awareness about bullying and teen suicide, especially among transgender youth, technology has completely changed the face of teen culture with social media, etc and we really want to reflect how that's changed.
The new version is set in 2015, but I did try to keep some of the more memorable things intact, while at the same time we're exploring new paths, letting her deal with things a teen today has to put up with that just didn't happen five years ago. :-)
Reboot
I have absolutely no issues with your reworking the Robinverse, but I _do_ hope you leave the original version intact, even if it's a bit hidden.
Personally, the -only- issue I had with it was the sudden right turn into paranormal territory. Not that the paranormal was bad - it just suddenly appeared, and my eyes crossed :) It was taking an exceptionally good story and deciding that _something_ had to change, and it didn't (again, to ME only) seem to fit. Kind of like me trying to put on my six year old daughter's clothing. They're great clothes, but they just don't fit me.
Now that I've digressed, I _do_ hope you stick around. Even if you don't contribute actively in the various discussion threads, you've contributed in the past, and hopefully will continue to do so, to the body of entertaining stories encased in BigCloset. That might even be the best way to sooth yourself - just publish, and let everyone _else_ be damned.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Oh yeah. I forgot to mention
Oh yeah. I forgot to mention if and when we finish the reboot, the original will stay right where it is. I'm using a slightly different title to differentiate the more modernized version while paying homage to the original, and just kind of letting Robin find her own path. :-)
You're a good person, Zoe
and it's nice to see you around again :)
Take your time easing back into things, and always keep in mind that, if someone says something that's hurtful and doesn't seem like it was meant to be, it most likely wasn't, and if it seems like it WAS meant to be, they're probably hurting as much as you are, if not more.
Oh, and two more things: one, you ARE a great writer -- that's why you got so popular so fast! -- and two, there is nothing wrong with happy stories or, at the least, happy endings. The world has enough sickness, pain, and depression, so nobody should ever feel bad about wanting to spread a little joy through the morass of suffering.
Melanie E.
Awww
Thanks Melanie! I should remember the old adage, "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." I just got bogged down in crap, and forgot who my real family were.
I mean without people like you and Edeyn (God rest her soul) and too many more to mention, I never would've worked through my anxiety over being transgender. In the end, all I've ever really wanted is to help others the way I've been helped. :-)
I agree though. There's so much bad in the world. Part of why my "style" formed into "Queen of Sweetness" (Thanks Tychonaut! ;-)) was born out of that. I enjoy writing upbeat, so it's what I do most of the time.
Welcome Back!!!
It really is nice to see you back again. So many people just kinda fade away, and we never know what happened! I hope you are able to get going again, I was reading L,C,A! until I decided to wait until the chapters accumulated, but there is nothing wrong with your writing! Write what you wish to, I'm sure you'll have plenty of readers!
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
I second Drake
I completely agree with the above comments. I am glad you write firstly for yourself and get pleasure from doing so, you deserve it. Thanks for all your work.
Are there more chapters of
Are there more chapters of Ring Tailed Bandit in the works? It is a great story, in one of my favorite universes on this site.
Thanks, everyone <3
I'll be honest, when I posted this I was worried people might think I was fishing for compliments or something silly, but I really, genuinely missed the back-and-forth interaction and felt like I needed to explain what happened.
It's no excuse by any means. Just kind of a sampling of the inner machinations of the dark void space between my ears.
Honestly, I feel like if I could draw, I'd probably have found my true calling in writing Anime a long time ago, like Chobits or Ranma 1/2, the lighthearted bubblegum anime that makes you laugh or roll your eyes. ♥
I can understand staying away
Since our last contact by email, hope you are continuing to make progress btw, I got tired of the hair-trigger touchiness in the comments and have not logged in much since, except to check for a PM like 4 times a year and from the lack of PMs I doubt I've been missed that way.
I missed you ;-)
O mysterious guest reader. It made me smile seeing your post on LCA the other day (I recognized your writing style, if you were wondering ;-))
Unfortunately I haven't made a terrible lot of progress on my voice. I actually feel like I've kind of hit a brick wall with it, where it's "okay", but nowhere near where I'd like it to be.
Actually, I might write another blog post some time in the next few weeks just talking about that. I did find an unexpected, but fantastic resource on voice over on Reddit (reddit.com/r/AskTransgender- pretty much any thread on resonance)
I'll keep hoping and working for that mythical "breakthrough" moment, though :-)
Love you both
...dearly!
Love, Andrea Lena
I'm glad to see you're back
I hope things will feel easier for you this time around and I look forward to seeing you posting new stories here. There's nothing wrong with sweet or gentle stories, I have even been known to write the odd one myself.
Angharad
Introverted Does Not Equal Bad
The way you used "introverted" in your blog suggests it is a pejorative. It is not, no more than being extroverted is some mystical goal. You are what you are.
Basic rule of thumb for filtering the drama. Almost everyone here has had trauma in their life. In many cases that trauma has left scars. Those scars are tender. Some people here have extremely tender scars and should be given the necessary consideration for their personal pain.
If you were dealing with "average" people the metrics for determining who's stepped over the boundaries of propriety would be much different. (By the way -- who wants to be "average" . . . it's very over-rated!)
That's very hard to remember when it's your ox that's getting gored.
Good to see you back.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)