I feel like I owe my readers an apology. Its been more than a month since I published the last chapter of Mercy, and i cant even say I'm close to having the next one ready.

But pain, PTSD, gender dysphoria, and life stress have sapped my creativity totally, and so my progress has slowed to a crawl.

I'm so sorry.

Well everyone I'm back and as you might remember I lost my outline to my story Broken Phoenix(or so I thought) well it turns out I made a second copy of the file and stuck it on a thumb drive. Now I'm happy to announce that Broken Phoenix will actually be returning! No timeframe as of yet but it will be returning when I get back to writing it(which is right now actually)

There is a rally for trans rights today in Edmonton.

I wish I could go, but there is this whole "I need to work so i need to sleep" thing.

As authors, if we are going to be any good, perhaps we learn to sort of "be" other people since we must develop characters as we write a story and most often our stories have more than one person in them. As I have been thinking about this, perhaps lots or even most T folk learn to be more than one person in our real lives and each of them are very real. Then I thought about a police officer who must be an authoritarian figure at work, and when he gets home he is dad, hey you, or some such.

I've reached a point where pain is a constant factor in my life.

Worse, regular pain medications are no longer nearly effective enough for me.

As soon as I can, I'm going to book a visit to my doctor, to see what other options are available, but in the meantime, prayers and hugs appreciated.

Oh, I am kinda blocked on Mercy right now, so I dont know when more is coming.

Sorry.

Dear friends.

Thank you for welcoming me into the community here.

Heather has been a secret part of me for a long time, even when she didn't have a name or when I tried out several names.

You know similar stories. Buy. Dress. Hide. Shame. Purge. Then start again at some point a while later.

I will admit to a sex addiction but I never wanted this persona to be about that. It gets too intertwined. Been doing ok with the addiction part but it's too easy to slip back in.

It's a new week and in some respects not alot has changed. This is a long blog post!

My friend, Jenn C who is one of our Author's here was with her Mom when she passed at 0449 this morning in Texas. Jenn C is now resting after taking care of getting her Mom picked up from home to a Funeral Home. Jenn informed me of what happened earlier this morning and asked me to post this information on the Transgender Trekkie's page on Facebook. I did so because Jenn is my First Officer on the USS Jorgensen, NCC 1952 and I am one of the Admin's for that page. I also posted to Jenn's Starwar's Transgender Fan Page.

I've been helping with the field work on the Mammal Society's Dormouse and Conservation course. Basically, we, the helpers, assist the course participants in checking the nest boxes--showing them how to do it and making sure anything in them which could be a dormeece is kept in the box until everyone has a chance to see it. To do that we plug the hole with moss temporarily which has no effect upon the dormouse.

In the matter of:, MacKinnon, William Bryan

I, Michael J. Carey, Register of Probate at the Hampshire Probate and Family Court, hereby certify that after application and after due public notice the following persons changed their name as follows:

from: William Bryan MacKinnon to: Brianna Frances MacKinnon
which shall now be their legal name

:)

When the human world gets to be too much for me (which is most of the time, these days), I watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmf0KAHWlnk

Twenty minutes of pure bliss and contentment. Not a word is spoken, and yet they manage to say it all. If only I’d had parents like these? When my father gave me a licking, it never looked like this. If mom had this sort of patience and affection?

My eternal thanks to the clever folks who write video download software… :}

It's been a little challenging since my last blog.

I had been waiting for an email back from the housing services lady and I sent a chaser email on Thursday morning, copied to a general inbox. With nothing heard I headed out just before midday. Only now did I receive an email reply asking if I had been to see the outreach officer in the local job centre. I queried this, given I had supplied all the documents requested. She insisted and said we would be thrown out of the hotel if I didn't.

Was evicted this morning. Emergency accommodation arranged. Writing is on hold and I don't have access to my reference material.

Shiraz

Well, I had a busy day today.

Isaw the psch doc, and he's up the dose of my anti-depressant. I also saw the sleep clinic, and I have severe sleep apnea, so they gave me a machine to help me breathe in my sleep.

Some good news on the job front.

I had an interview with the new cleaning company on Wednesday night, and they impressed me. Enough that if they offer me a position (they are supposed to be coming back Tuesday with the offers), I will take the offer

Can my life get any more hectic? College graduation is right around the corner, Moving houses with my boyfriend, finding work near the new house, and having a friend in the hospital! I'm at wits end and need some support. FYI Broken Phoenix is continuing, I just haven't had much writing time of late.

I'm back for now, I'm living in a assisted living facility as almost died this last January and with the stroke I had three years ago this month I'm not doing real good. Then trying to log back on the system refused to accept the log-on info I had written down I had to start a new account. Richard

I've had a lot of "searching" dreams - dreams where I'm looking for a place, a person, or an object, but last night i had a slightly different version of those dreams.

I was at some kind of combination carnival and sporting event with my brother and some friends, and when we got to our seats for the game, I realized I was hungry, and so went looking for a concession stand.

There I met a man who knew me, and he took me into secret parts of the site, and then I won a carnival game, and he seemed kind of sad about that for some reason.

there is a bit of a delay on both Rohanna and Kyley for now --as work invaded the free time!

but I will try to get parts up----as soon as my hands let me

god working all day with them, then to try and type--nope! nope!

Tough day today. Worked very hard last night, then had a party for Samantha's birthday (because most of her friends couldn't come on Easter for her actual birthday), and it was a total struggle to not blank out at the restaurant due to pain setting off my PTSD.

Sighs ...

Today is a big day for me as I hit the 20 year mark. My boyfriend treated me to lunch and my Grandpa has a surprise for me tonight so I'm excited! My Grandma and Grandpa were the only ones in my family that didn't disown me when I came out. I've lived on my own since graduating High School. I lived with my grandparents from when I was 4 up until graduating high school. They supported me and I'm very grateful. School wasn't very enjoyable for me because I had no friends and I was always an outcast.

( note: prompted by "Angela Rasch's" story "Tosil-mee" )
"American Girl" dolls, those are actually a fair bit after my time, appropriate age wise anyway.

Well, things at work are moving fast. I have an appointment with my store manager on Monday about staying with Walmart, and the new cleaning company will be conducting interviews sometime after the middle of April.

Prayers and hugs appreciated.

Well, I took my daughter to see Superman V. Batman, and she had a good time.

Unfortunately, I seem to be profoundly shaky, and I don't really know why.