So, today I am having a 3 hour, total spine, with contrast MRI. "With contrast", means they will inject material into my spinal fluid. I am having increasing difficulty with coordination and things.

I have obligations to some of you, and I am sorry that I can not meet them right now.

Sorry

Gwen

Got "Ma'am"ed yesterday while out shopping.
And I in no way pass. I wasn't even trying to as such.

I just kind of wear mixed relatively gender neutral clothing.
Although this day happened to be a pink day.

I am seriously considering going to the hospital to get my hip checked out.

It used to just hurt near the end of my shift at work, but I woke this morning in terrible pain and I didn't even work last night.

Had another tough day yesterday. Didn't sleep well, and then my aunt phoned me and yelled at me, saying I was the reason my mom was gonna be homeless, that she's bankrupt because of helping me and my ex, and so on.

Sighs ...

As you are all aware I have been snotty and snippy about discussing transgender issues in public, feeling that it is private full stop.

It feels like that in recent weeks I have been dragged kicking and screaming into very reluctant activism that feels frightening to me. Some of you will remember my recent blog on two Bible scriptures, and now somehow that is now plastered all over Facebook and elsewhere. I have opened my Facebook up to the public, and how long that will last is debateable. You are welcome to contribute.

Got some super bad news today. My landlord must sell this place, which means we'll be moving soon. Thanks to that bit of news, I also didnt get sleep today, so tonight at work is gonna suck.

Ah, well.

So after seeing the "Member for" indicator stuck on 5 years 12 months for the past few weeks, it's finally ticked over to 6 years 22 hours.

Yesterday, I went and got my oil changed, and while I was waiting a man came in with a small dog. We sat beside each other, while the dog sniffed around and accepted pets from the people who were sitting and waiting. But if someone was standing up, and tried to pet the dog, he'd back up, unsure of the situation.

Anyway, after I had paid for the service and was about to leave, the man and the dog were approaching the till, and the dog, without any hestiation, went up to me and licked my leg (I was in a skirt).

The man said, "He likes you. He can tell you're a good person."

This is not a drill!

A large group of huggles has escaped to the internet, and may end up in a inbox near you!

Experts suggest letting them huggle so they dont get discouraged. Nobody wants to see a sad huggle ...

Sometimes, prayers are answered in ways you dont expect them to be.

I was having a tough day, unable to sleep, pouring my heart out to God, and I ended my prayer by saying I really could use a hug from God, just to know I was still loved.

Well, not long after I finished praying, my little bundle of fur decided to jump up into my bed, worm her way under my covers, and snuggle next to me.

I giggled, and said to God, "I was hoping for a God-sized hug, not a dog-sized hug, but I'll take it, and thanks."

So, in exploring the implications of the recent Transgender Activism here in Portland, Oregon, I met some very nice people. Somewhere I heard something about the high incidence of Transgender among Aspergers folk and I am trying to explore whether that assertion has any veracity at all.

One of the things I do to make up for a relatively low IQ is that I read and research intensely, thus giving the illusion of intelligence, or as my shrink said, "It's how you use what you have".

Life seems to be overwhelming me at the moment. I seem to be perpetually tired so I'm not writing as much as usual and when I do, I have problems posting because my broadband connection is very intermittent. I've tried contacting my ISP but they either don't get the emails or ignore them.

On Tuesday, it will be the 29th anniversary of my transitioning - well going to work in skirts, then the following one is the first anniversary of my son's suicide. His timing was impeccable.

I am not one of those people who thinks that "big boys/girls dont cry".

In fact, I think there some times when crying is exactly what you should be doing, and that crying can be good for you.

That said, I prefer to have a reason to cry, so what happened on my way to work last night was frustrating.

Out of the blue, for no reason I could figure, I was suddenly enveloped by grief, and it was all I could do to keep my car on the road until the feeling passed.

Ah, well.

On this day in history ...

Lyndon Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act

the first Zeppelin flew

And ...

I was born!

Those in Salt Lake City are under a lot of heat right now.

Someone from "Mormon Newsroom" openly admitted that the church has not treated trans and intersex folk well, and I intend to keep the heat on. I'm not vitally interested in how they handle gays and lesbians because they threw us under the bus a few years ago.

In another decade there will be a changing of the guard, and I see T and I folk getting full rights. There are just lots of parents and partners keeping their heads down but in private they are dissatisfied.

This is for those who can appreciate my devious nature.

So for a long time I have been juggling two theological balls and none of you have realized what my intentions were. I practice as a Muslim and a Mormon and am fairly sincere in my beliefs in both faiths. If you don't understand this, don't worry about it.

Someone told me that 80% of us who transition regret it, and many return to their old gender. I think this is a lie and am only asking this because of their professed religiosity. I am actually quite happy living as me, the only issue being that I do not look as much of a babe as I would like. And, of course, as usual, the family are consummate asses, but they can bugger off.

I have never seen or spoken to anyone who has done this, though I have read about a couple and their suicide rate was very high.

Coming to PBS this coming Tuesday a Transgendered Story from New England Area, Check story at following address: http://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/stuck-boys-body-10...

Richard

I'm half way through writing the next episode of Bike when I suddenly realise I hadn't heard the central heating/hot water boiler light up. It's old and noisy. On checking I find it isn't working. Up in the attic to make sure the header tank hasn't run dry - it hadn't. Looks like the boiler may have died of old age. After swearing at the cats because they wanted to see what was going on but know even less about boilers than I do - which is minuscule - I try the immersion heater, which I kept despite the assurances of the plumber I wouldn't need it.

I got to spend Father's day with my daughter for a few hours today, and as a gift she gave me a little figurine. Its an elephant dressed as an angel, with a pink robe, pink trimmed wings, a halo, and a pink heart as a shield.

Does my daughter get me, or what?

Ok, since its been a rough week, lets start the weekend with a smile, as I present ...

Dorothy's 5 star blanket fort!

Yes, this blanket fort has everything for those occasiions when you need a break from the world. Its got soft blankets (in your choice of colors), several stuffed animals to cuddle , a pillow to rest on, and a compartment full of your favorite comfort foods/treats.

So next time, you need to get away, chose Dorothy's 5 star blanket fort!

And now back to your regular program ...

Okay, this is gonna be a bit tough, but I think I need to share this.

I figured out why I've been struggling so much with the PTSD the last while.

As always happens, there were a bunch of factors that contributed to it.

First, I was fighting a bit of a cold, and there's nothing like being under the weather to weaken the defences psychologically.

2nd, I had a depressive episode, which also weakened my defences.

3rd, I happened to read about a sexual assault in the news that really hit me hard.

I read Persephone's poem 'Pegasus has Landed' and began to think about the imagery and subsequent self-imagery it represents.
The arrival of the winged horse well conveys Persephone's path of transition and her feelings about it. The freedom and beauty that equine flight has brought to Persephone's life is well described therein.

Naturally I fell to wondering how my life has panned out and how it will progress from now to the end.