I don’t talk about myself much, guess I’m not very comfortable with it. I am willing to talk to anybody, be it a crowd or one on one, but writing about me feels weird. I post on my blog about twice / thrice a year, complete with pictures, if anyone is interested.
I’ve been unemployed almost 6 months, longer off and on again. Unemployment is long gone, and savings are draining steadily. I have my son (nephew actually, but the relationship is that of parent adult). If not for him I would be in real trouble.
Problem is I think I am sabotaging myself to a large degree. I can do better.
One of my sure signs for being depressed is not being able to read. When I came out to myself I stopped reading for almost a year, after reading 1-3 books / week. I’m still reading, but I cannot keep up here even though I want to.
I am a connoisseur of depression. The life threatening version I had almost 4 years ago that prompted my transition left me with a low water mark. I am not even close to that point. But a steady low state does wear one down.
I’ll keep on fighting it. I have a friend I am afraid is going to go down the path to oblivion, for the same reasons (more or less) that I was. I am not able to reach her anymore, though I will keep trying.
One of the ways I fight my personal battle is to be an activist. In Texas this means more than most places. I refer to myself as an activist pacifist. I will talk to anyone, even if they are hostile, but I will not push my views on anyone. I am most definitely not in the closet. For my next job I will be as much as I can be, it is hurting my chance of keeping a job. Life is not fair, I’m old enough to accept that.
It is not all bad. My family accepts me. Even the one who had cut me off is starting to talk to me again. I have an absolutely adorable grand baby, a little girl just over a year old, with the sweetest personality anyone can ask for. She and I are very close. So I have some good ammunition to fight this with.
Now if I could only find a job. Seems like a common mantra nowadays.
Comments
Depression doesn't go away...
Everyone gets depressed. It's knowing that we are depressed, and how we deal with it that makes all the difference. It sounds like you are on your way to dealing with it in a possitive manner. Good luck and best wishes.
know you got people here if you need to talk, hon
I've dealt with depression too, so if you need a shoulder please feel free to contact me.
Depression
Wendy,
It is both an illness and a disability.
I live in the D-FW area of Texas and we are blessed by having a plethora of organizations that are eager to help you deal with it. One thing you must understand, you can not deal with it alone.
In many ways it is like an addiction. It will always be there, lurking, waiting to pounce when you are at your most vulnerable.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE find a good support group.
If you are unsure where to look, let me know the area you live in and I will make inquiries on where to begin.
You are NOT alone.
waif
Be kind to those who are unkind, tolerant toward those who treat you with intolerance, loving to those who withhold their love, and always smile through the pains of life.