Yes, thank you to everyone who has offered condolences etc over the last fortnight since my mother passed away, it was very much appreciated.

We had the funeral this afternoon, a simple cremation as she wanted, the assembled mourners were largely family but also included many people from councillors to foster children whose lives she had touched.

I'm sure there will continue to be dark days but I think the darkest are past.

I was expecting today to be tough but it's not been too bad. Registering Mum's death was straightforward enough, the finality of that act is only just sinking in.

But that has allowed us to sort out her finances, the banks have been really helpful, even the phone company sorted things in just a few minutes.

I spent a couple of hours last night writing my contribution to Thursday's service - that brought the tears back big style. I'm not up to reading it myself, I'm not a masochist, but I feel better that I'm making a contribution.

So today things have moved on some. We've arranged the funeral, a week Thursday so a fortnight after her passing. It's a big weight off, oh it still needs paying for and getting through but there will be a few days before we have more to do.

Managing to get a grip most of the time, just got to hold things together for dad. Having a timetable helps.

Who knows I might even feel like writing again afterwards.

Anyhow, i'll be back tomorrow

Mads

My legal name change document arrived today!

yay!!!!!!!!!!!

(Does a happy dance)

My mum has just collapsed and is heading to hospital - it's very serious. Don't know what's going to happen, I could be absent for some time with associated lack of posting.

There has been a change in me.

Maybe it has been there for a while, but I finally noticed it on Sunday before church.

To understand this change, you have to understand how SCARED I was going out in public in feminine clothes when I started my transition. EVERY time was nerve wracking terror just to step outside my door.

And then, before church on Sunday, I walked over to a convenience store to pick up a paper and as I walked in my pretty dress, I realized - I wasn't afraid anymore.

Pretty neat, no?

Remember how I had said my unemployment claim had finally been settled, and I was going to start getting some money?

Well, apparently not so fast.

Went down to the office today to give a direct deposit form, only to find out my claim is still in limbo, and I have NO idea when or even if its gonna change.

I am really close to wanting to go play in traffic ...

So I looked at my account and it says I've been a member 6 years and 5 days. Of course i've posted very little over last a years and almost nothing for 2 years of that. But I am hoping to set things right again and start posting once more

I am in the process of making a huge decision. Two months ago my supervisor changed at work, My prior supervisor was an easy going guy who respected my talents and was very laid back. The new guy is a micro manager, and on Tuesday accused me of spreading rumors in the workplace (completely untrue and unsubstantiated). As well, he did this in front of another employee. I decided that I would never work for him again unless he apologises. So the next two times I see him it is about filling in a schedule for my work listing what I will be doing for each two hour block through the week.

okay, I did a serious background check on the company that gave me the job offer, and came up with very little.

Something about this stinks. I'm gonna stay clear.

Well, I've got to give Kaiser top marks again. A while back, I decided I'd like to explore a transition of sorts. While I'm sure I'll never seek bottom surgery, since I've retired, I have no need to wear men's clothes again. So in anticipation of that, I wanted to see just what kind of development I could induce on my chest. To that end, I asked my PCP (primary care physician) for an estrogen prescription. She referred me to the "Gender Pathways" clinic. After an interview with that doctor in charge of the and reviewing the permission documentation I got that prescription.

Time for an update on my health issues. I had my third cataract surgery on Tuesday. No, I don't have three eyes. The first on my left eye didn't line up correctly, and had to be redone. I can now see perfectly ... at things that are more than five feet away. My close up vision currently sucks, and I can barely read my iPad.

This has delayed my productivity, although I did manage to do my part in getting The Wildcats chapter posted today. And I managed to get 5000 words written on River, my own story. (Wildcats is by Leslie Moore).

Well, I didn't get the job. Didn't even make the cut to go to the third interview.\

Ah, well. At least I tried.

And as the job was going to be mostly door-to-door sales, I'm not heartbroken over not getting it.

According to the calendar, I turned 51 today.

To be honest, though, my birthdays haven't been something to celebrate for a long, long time.

I lost a fair number of people I considered friends when I started on hormones and living as a female back in 1992.

I lost even more when I went through a completely stupid and unnecessary legal hassle from 1998 to 2000.

Not quite sure where Cathy will fit this in her survey. Or a couple of others.

A new cat on the block?

You know I did that study on Mountain Gorillas... meet the new neighbour!

It has been a while since I was part of this community.
My life has changed I am now an amputee due to a kerosene heater malfunctioning. Irony is during my Naval Career I was a first responder/firefighter never hurt of even wounded by fire.
I spent almost 4 months in a burn center getting used to being unique.
I decided to come back and perhaps remain a part of this site.

that when I was looking at something on my personal account page that a month ago I achieved my 10th anniversary as a member here. It doesn't seem that long ago, though it might to some of my readers. In those days I was only posting the odd blog here while I was still writing Snafu for Sapphire's Place and the early attempts at doing some Gaby stories on Maddy's site, then I got soaked riding my bike in a thunderstorm and Bike happened.

Well, my doctor got the results of my ultrasound and its much worse than I could have feared. My liver is very fatty, my kidneys are enlarged, and I am in serious trouble unless I can make a total 180 on my eating habits.

You add to this the fact I was already struggling emotionally and spiritually, and I am in a very bad place at the moment.

hugs and prayers appreciated.

Nature is reputedly red in tooth and claw, things will kill each other possibly to eat or as rivals. This was the sad end to our dormouse survey today. The picture contains the body of a dormouse which has been attacked and killed possibly by a wood mouse. It was the only one we found today, making it doubly sad. To think the poor thing survived the winter then possibly went torpid overnight and met a wood mouse...

I consulted my GP this afternoon about a couple of patches of something probably solar induced on my face and right arm. The bit on my arm is no problem, I have a plaster on it since he zapped it with liquid nitrogen and it feels fine. It'll breakdown and weep for a couple of days, crust over and heal up. The other thing is on my nose. He wasn't sure what it was but we agreed to zap it as well, though he did offer to wait a bit longer and have my nose amputated. I opted for the liquid nitrogen again.

God if I have to hear anymore Hold Music I am going to snap!

45 minutes on hold with the Good Old Sate DPS customer service to find out where my License is since I renewed it over a Month ago.

Now I have been on Hold with one of the local hospital for 30 minutes on hold!

If I ever find the people that designed those automated systems just to get threw to a human being, and or chose there Hold music, it will not be pretty.

Sometime last evening, I read a new chapter of A Longer War by Cyclist.

This has proven to be one of my favorite stories, and many of the chapters have had a serious impact on me - especially the early ones. As the story progressed, it continued to stir my emotions and sentiments - although for different reasons. But this latest chapter, lake many of the early ones, has stricken a particular chord within me.

I'm not in a good place right now, I'm not functioning at all and haven't been for months. The only thing that distracts me is reading and it isn't working as well anymore. I'm either constantly near tears or in tears and I'm constantly wishing the pain would end and thinking about how I wouldn't mind so much.

Well, I had a very bad day today. First, I tried to get my pink slip from my old work only to be told its up to my local guy - a guy I cant even get a hold of - to get that done.

Then, I went out and found that someone had gotten into my car - again - and threw everything in my glove compartment around. At least this time, my battery wasn't dead ...