In honor of Remembrance day, let me share a story about my grandfather.

My grandfather served in WW II with the "Calgary tanks", and as such was on the front lines of almost every battle involving Canadians.

He helped fight Rommel in Africa, helped invade Italy, and much more.

He was wounded several times. pieces of shrapnel were permanently lodged in his lungs, and in his shoulder.

He had been told, as most were, that the war would be over in months, but served six years. In the process, he missed his small children growing up.

The ship was lost on a subterranean ocean when out of the darkness came a ghastly sight, a phantom ship crewed by a LOT of unkillable, leaping, cuthroat vermin.

"Fireballs away," ordered the captain but the bugganeers managed a boarding party anyway.

After trading a few blows, one of the players called to pause the action. "Wait, wait, I need to ask something."

"Yes?" said the adventurist.

"We're fighting Undead Ninja Pirate Spiders?"

"Yes," agreed the adventurist.

So most everyone has gone home and the dust is starting to settle. We've not gone on the Honey Moon yet (that's in just under 2 weeks) but we are starting to find our slightly new routine.

For those that don't know, last Saturday (October 28th, 2017) CapturedByThePast and I officially (in both the eyes of the Church, and the state of NJ) tied the knot. It wasn't a big wedding or reception but for the most part, the people who mattered most to us were there.

The bills are paid, and for Amy (capturedbythepast) has started signing things with her new name.

2 weeks in hospital.

Because, I guess the universe decided things weren't interesting enough around here, i found out tonight that my brother has an enlarged prostrate, and while they haven't said the "c" word yet, its looking like its headed in that direction. You add in my dog having walking issues, my mom now has high blood pressure, and I'm ... well, I'm me, and I could stand having a little less stress ...

Sighs.

Hugs, prayers, and positive vibes accepted.

If you read my last blog

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog-entry/68921/being-anonym...

you will know I am going through a bad time right now.

As I've said I will not self harm, but laying on my back willing myself to die can not be healthy. J My Samsung J3 phone went south when I really needed it.
Guess it is time to write a story or something...

Well, I beat my anxiety, and got stuff accomplished today. I got my blood work done, got some questions answered about Canada Pension, and best of all, got my report for October done for emergency financial aid, which has been beating me silly all week.

Yay !!!!!

I had a "I cant believe I was that stupid" moment today.

I had been fighting depression and being sick for the last week, so I hadnt shaved.

So I thought I would use nair to get the hair down to the point where I could get a blade through it.

unfortunately, I messed up, got some on my cheek, and burned myself.

sighs ...

my life is hard enough, I really should stop trying to make it harder ...

okay so I am not sure what's wrong with me right now.

I feel "off" in some ill-defined way, but I cant put my finger on what is going on.

Its a little frustrating ...

okay so I did my human book thing, and I think it went well. I got thanked by several of the students as well as the organizers for my participation.

Only bad thing was after it was over, it was only noon, but I basically had just enough spoons to get home, take my dog for a walk, and then I was done ...

This post has been a long time coming.

My life has been very very busy the last month or so. Preparing for Vacation at the beginning of next month. New job as a Teachers Aide at a Preschool taking up a lot of my time. My cancer is in Remission(didnt post about it on here cause I forgot) after 7 months of battling. Im babysitting a girl in the Preschool class that I teach this weekend and we're going to see the My little Pony movie.

As for my writing, I'm taking a break from it because I have no motivation to write and I just have no time to right now unfortunately.

I have volunteered with The University of Alberta department of Medicine as a "human book" - basically a way for medical students a chance to meet some real people who might be their patients in a few years, and in this case help them understand the needs of the LGBT community.

I went to the orientation today, and tomorrow morning I will be available for the students to speak

Wish me luck ...

All -

I've had a couple of folk inquiring about stories, and one kind soul asking if I'm okay.

Yes, I'm okay. Not as well as I'd like, but safely functioning.

Since the summer of 2012, I've been able to find work in the immediate vicinity of my house. I consider myself blessed for that, but the weeks have been well over the normal (for most full-time workers) 40 hours. It's challenging to cope with months of this heavy workload, though, even at my age, I'm enjoying learning more about my profession. (Electronic hardware, software, and systems engineering.)

Apart from mosquito bites, which are heading towards twenty, I'm having a good time. Saturday had to be the most successful day, when we managed to get into the back of the El Hondo reserve (near Elche) and met up with some birders we saw last year. I doubt we would have seen some of the species without the extra eyes and expertise.

Okay so today did not go well. It started with me oversleeping because somehow last night I accidentally set my clock wrong, then I carved a fairly good sized whole in my face shaving, then I went to welfare only to be told my doctor's note isnt what I need because it covers too short a period of time.

Sighs ... roadblocks are no fun ...

Well, today is been kinda a good news/bad news day.

First, the good news is I saw my psychologist and got both a letter for Welfare and his promise to complete forms for my application for handicapped assistance and send it in for me.

On the bad news, we had to go over some of the more painful parts of my history, and so i am slightly shaky, and its snowing, which is activating my arthritis.

Ah, well.

So I was able to get a doctor's note about not being able to work, but it took so long, I was not able to see someone at welfare about emergency assistance.

However, i did get an appointment for Wednesday, so that will do, and I see my psychologist and hopefully get my evaluation from him tomorrow.

Inch by inch, I move forward ...

A dream I had last night has left me shaken.

In the dream, I was back in elementary school (although I seemed to be the age I am now), and while I found some of the material far too easy, I was struggling in the class because the teachers and students seemed to be speaking in a kind of code that left me isolated, confused, and increasingly angry.

Said that way, it sounds a LOT like my real elementary school experience.

About the only good thing about the dream was people called me Dorothy, but still, I find myself being very upset about it.

Well my happiness was very, very short lived sadly.

This morning at 4am, my great aunt took a pretty bad fall. I live with her, I have been for almost 4 years now. She and I have had our ups and downs over the years but we have never been violent toward one another. Sadly the local police do not think so.

I really hate the fact that my automatic response to being complimented is to try and downplay it.

Why cant I accept that someone said something nice about me?

Grr ... stupid brain ...

It's been a tough week. Dealing with my car needing repairs, my mom being under the weather on her week off, and my dog spending more and more time sleeping has ratcheted up the tension. To make things worse, my councilor cant see me until September 18th, my social worker is on vacation until the 8th, and it seems like every day there is another bit of bad news in the world.

All of this has slowed my writing to a snail's pace, so no more MYTH for a bit.

I could use all the hugs you guys can give ...

I've been thinking a lot about ... a lot, and this morning I sorta realized something.

In the end, all we are is memories and dust. There aren't a whole lot of ways of making better dust, but memories ... try your best to leave good ones.

Just yesterday in an attempt to write something, trying to get over the writers block I was having trying to get my new story started I started my autobiography... Many friends have over the last few years been begging me to write my story, to which I never intended to every try. Yesterday though when I was just going to toy around with it, something happened... Words just flew out of me, along with a lot of emotions, and in a half hour of typing my autobiography was started...

Well, a day that was supposed to be a triumph for me quickly turned into a near disaster, with me ending up struggling with suicidal thoughts.

I went down to the Canadian government office with my name change document and got the change done, but unfortunately, they dont deal with taxes, and told me I will have to contact Revenue Canada myself.

Then I went to the bank that has my car loan to give them my change of name, and went into my purse for the document ... only to discover it was missing.