I've been less than forthright with my wife. While I've bragged a lot about the strides my wife has made in accepting my feminine nature, I still have problems making myself be upfront with everything that is going on with me.

Last May, I started on HRT. I hadn't actually discussed this with my wife, I knew that there would be some things that had to be addressed so she would be forewarned. First of all would be the difference in my sex drive and performance. I told her about my testosterone blockers, citing that father had had prostate cancer, in fact prostate cancer had been listed as cause of death on his death certificate and that my and brother recently found out that he had prostate cancer rather than just BPH. I pointed out that prostate cancer fed on testosterone and that was why I wanted to take blockers.

She admitted, that since she is post menopausal, that she'd welcome my libido decline. I was reluctant to admit to her that I was also on estradiol, fearing she would object and we'd end up at loggerheads over it. Well there I was back into a closet. I'd been out of the closet regarding my need to express my feminine nature by wearing the appropriate clothes for 45 years and have reached a point that it's a non-issue and here I went and put myself in to a closet for my meds. The stress of sneaking around about it was just like hiding my dressing in the past. NOT good.

Well, this week, I made myself come clean. I did fail to mention that I was already on estradiol, but I did tell her blockers were halfway to HRT and that the doctor who prescribed them was the same one who had made my referral for the electrologist the gender pathways doctor and that she had asked me about it. Truth, but not all the truth.

At any rate, at the end of the day, I ordered a refill of the meds and when they arrived in the mail, I told her what the were. When she and I could be alone, (my 49 year old daughter is living with us) I explained that the dosage was extremely small, 0.0375 mg daily, the same dosage that would be prescribed for menopausal women to relive hot flashes, and that it's affect on my body would probably be minimal. She had two concerns; the first surprised me... she wanted to know the cost and if we could afford it. I put that concern to rest by pointing out it was covered under our Part D coverage with Kaiser and would cost the same as any other prescription. The second concern was one that I kind of expected. Would I want to up the dosage later on. OK, I side stepped that one. Of course I will want to up the dosage, but I told her that even if I did up it, even to the maximum - and I had no idea just what that dosage would be - to full HRT dosage, it would take 3 to 5 years for it to have noticeable effect on my bust measurement. Her response was a very calm, "OK, if we can afford it."

So, I'm out of the closet again. It's freeing. Once again, my wife amazed me, and shamed me at the same time. She is far more tolerant than I gave her credit for.