Alright first blog. Blog blog. Sorry I left some stuff unfinished and may not have responded to messages, I was feeling bad about my writing and was avoiding logging in for a while because of anxiety. Plus I'm pretty busy with school.

Honestly, with some of the stuff I posted I was hoping it being posted would motivate me to work on it, but nope. So some of the stuff I just have no ideas of how to continue while remaining interesting.

My sister in law had to put down one of her cats today. Needless to say, we're all sad here.

Yeah, it may be warm and sunny outside, but here in my world it’s just another dreary, rainy day.

I had a really good weekend last weekend, spending five days at home in Upstate NY with my wife and family. My wife Emilia and I spent several really good days together - nothing special, just some shopping, riding in the car, a few quiet meals with just the two of us, just talking and enjoying being together. I surprised her with a Valentine’s Day gift early as I knew I wouldn’t be home on the 14th, and she actually bought me a little something in return on Saturday.

Hey everyone,

I know it has been quiet around me lately.
The good news is that most of my work related troubles are resolved.
I am also nearly finished with my big move into a new apartment.

However, there is still one hurdle in my way.
Changing my landline (and DSL) will take two weeks.
So today will be the last day I have regular internet access at either home.
I should be back online on the first of March.

Just letting everybody know that my brother is home, and beginning the long slow recovery/rehab process. And apparently, that was good enough for my muse to send me another little story to share with you all:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/73081/rivers-babylon-...

To

My old friends and to the many new people who have joined since going MIA.

Or so the saying goes. But after yesterday I am not so sure about that.

I've done this before, and I'm sorry to need to do this again, but I really need some positive thoughts in my head, so if I have ever done anything that made your day better, could you remind me now?

on a day when I needed a pick-me-up, I got three. First, two different people mistook me for my mom when I answered the phone, and then while on a walk with Lady, a nice man said "you two ladies have a nice day".

You gotta celebrate the little victories cause you never know when or even if the big victories will happen.

As it is supposed to be super cold here the next couple of days, I'm going to stay in as much as possible. I'm just wondering if anybody would like to share their "snow day" activities - the stuff they would do if stuck inside for a day or more?

I would like to get back to writing, but that terrible thing Real Life has been acting up. My mom's been super sick and still recovering from her burn, I am not 100% well myself although I might be better off than my mom because I got the flu shot, plus the usual list of stresses that seem to be doing their best to keep me in a funk.

As the title says, it's been a bit of an odd evening for me.

WARNING: Four of the six songs here are about death, abuse and troubled lives. One features a disabled child, the last is about heartache.

Interestingly, one song is also about a gift passed down that made a positive difference, two more are about a child's life becoming happier.

Well, 2018 is officially upon us here on the West coast of the USA. So I wish all here on BCTS a happy new year.

Yep, i'm sending greetings in advance as i'll maybe not have a chance on Sunday. So Happy New Year all.

I hope you've all had a nice festive season and enjoyed the break if you've had one. I arrived home from Austria late last night and i'm nearly caught up now!

Well, my mom saw her doctor, and he put her on an antibiotic for the burn, and told her to keep it covered with a clean cloth or gauze. But the good news is it will heal, and no sign of anything worse happening there.

I feel like we dodged a bullet ...

I live about half a mile from what is called the “High Bridge” in St. Paul, MN. The high bridge has a well-deserved infamy as a suicide spot -- with seven people jumping from the deck of the bridge which is 160 feet above the Mississippi, during 2015.

The bridge has been closed for several months. They’re installing a nine-foot high barrier to cut down on the jumpers.

I'm really upset with Sharon.

Apparently, she told my mom that she's in serious financial difficulty with many bills not paid.

According to what my mom said, she has been stretching herself too thin by paying for counseling for Sam, and now is in trouble.

Of course, mom wants to help, but she cant do much when she's desperately trying to drop down to part time since at 80 working full time is getting to be a bit much.

And of course I can do anything since I'm not working at all.

Sighs ...

...are a trifle premature. Admittedly, a shoulder injury is making life tougher than it might otherwise be, but I'm still alive and brain boggled with my university studies. I've spent much of the day doing computer graphs on excel, which should be really easy to a normal human, but somehow whenever I go near excel it does weird things unlike the tutorials on you tube. The most used button - the 'undo' one.

Well, CT scan of my lung results aren't great. :(
starting at the bottom like the respirologist did:

bottom 15% of my lungs have 20% of the bronchiolae burst, meaning zero oxygen to blood / co2 to lung exchange in there.
mid section of my lungs are 5% burst bronchiolae
top 33% of my lungs is 100% burst bronchiolae.

no wonder I can barely walk across the street. :/

I was in town for my usual weekly electrolysis treatment. Since we live 40 miles out of town we try take care of multiple errands when ever we're there. As a result, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few things to save a trip into town later. While I stopped to sample some new brand of chili, a lady stopped to tell me how much she liked my blouse. :o)

Gotta love the compliment.

Well, it seems like my depression is lifting. I got some things done yesterday (shoveling the walk, laundry), and I even got a couple of sentences written on a story.

its not much, but I have hope again that I might actually get a story (or at least a chapter of a story) finished before the new year ...

I am facing the loss of my days as a writer.

This isnt about my muse, i still get ideas, but my ability to communicate them seems to be gone.

I tried to write a little story for the Christmas contest, and despite having what I thought was a decent idea, what I produced looked more like a series of bullet points on Twitter.

It probably doesnt help that I'm grieving and fighting depression, but I am seriously worried this is the end.

To anybody who has actually read anything I've written and hoped for more, I'm sorry.

My brain is weird.

I cant even have anxiety like a normal person.

Instead of the usual symptoms, heart racing, whatever, my brain has come up with a different idea.

It finds something else for me to focus on, and goes "hey look, over here, a shiny!"

The result is I can go a long time without even realizing something is making me anxious.

Hi, all. Long time, no post, I know. The AFC house I'm in now has no internet, so...

I'm currently away from home, in Cincinnati (My AGT audition was today.)
I was contestant # 3203, and arrived on site at 10:30 AM (my scheduled audition time was 1:00 PM, but all that meant was that once I arrived, I was guaranteed an audition.)

There were a staggering number of singers, but I only met 1 other comedian there, so...