I had that feeling again today.
It’s one I’ve had since fourth grade...or maybe even before that-the one of finding a high point, anywhere and just jump off it.
There are days that I stay indoors and do nothing to just let the voices pass by...they have really good ideas sometimes.
Well, good is relative to the time that the rest of the world seems to be going to Hell.
And I know it’s not...it never “really” is (if you ask people around me)
But I feel it.
And, yes, I hate it.
The best way I try to handle it to write things, to get the anger and sadness of past experiences out,
I hope it still works.
Comments
Therapy
Writing has always been therapy for me. I'm able to say things in a story I'd never get away with in real life. I can live vicariously through the protagonist doing things I never could have done and have it all come out splendidly in the end.
As I get older (73 and counting) and get less and less concerned with consequences, i.e. what people think, I need less therapy. I'm currently retired. We moved to a small town (about 2000 people) and after a year, I'm getting a bit bored so I've applied for a school bus driving job using my legal name. (My driver's license gives that away.) I'm not really flaunting my trans status, but by the same token I'm not hiding it either. My bust line is quite visible; I'm pulling my hair back at the top and sides with as small dark barrette; I'm wearing feminine boots and wearing lipstick in a shade near my natural color. No big deal with the folks at the new job.
I've decided that as I meet people, I'll meet them as me and they can decide if my being trans is an issue for them rather than me assuming that it is and hiding it. It saves a lot of stress about if they might find out later.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin ein femininer Mann
Please don't.
One of the ways to deal with depression is to engage in Radical Distraction, and Opposite Action. These are Dialectical Behavior Therapy methods that help to boost one's spirits. The American Veterans Administration taught that to me for 4 years. I must admit that at first it seems contrived and not effective, but after a time my spirits lifted.
Bad Feelings
About forty years ago I got disgusted with "big corporate" and started my own business. Three days later they filed a case in court seeking injunctive relief to prevent me from going into business. The judge tossed out the case, but it was traumatic. During those days I often quoted the song High Hopes.
About six months later we had so many employees (over two dozen) we had to move to a new office. My three female partners surprised me with a rubber tree plant for my office and decorated it with a row of plastic ants leading to it.
We sold that business two years later for just under $1 million.
A few years later I had a financial downturn and things piled up on me. One night at 3 AM I got up with my spouse and sat in our hot tub. I listed four insurmountable problems. I told her, "I don't think even singing High Hopes will work." But we tried it. Less than six months later we'd solved all those problems. I sold that business about six years ago for about $1 million.
A year ago I was facing "certain" disaster. I thought I'd reached the end of my rope. I thought back again to when a silly song made me feel better and rejected it preferring to spend time planning how and when I would commit suicide so my spouse could collect nearly $2 million in life insurance. Yet -- I couldn't stop that stupid song from rattling around in my head. I openly talked of suicide with my family. I have a terrific spouse, four great kids, and two super grandchildren.
Monday I met with my life insurance agent and reduced my death benefit to something that is more in line with a person my age. I no longer need the coverage. My financial situation seems completely rosy having solved the problems that had made me suicidal. I just completed negotiations selling another of my businesses for $1.2 million.
The world is filled with opportunity. Sure - we have some of the worse politicians thinkable running our government. Dopes on the left and ass-hats on the right. It's worse than normal, but not something we can't fix. I have one more business I just started that looks like it will be the most successful business I've created.
Just have High Hopes and things will happen that are good for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaPTweZ2_fI
Good luck!
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)