Reflecting on yesterday, I've decided I'm jealous. Twice a month my wife and I volunteer at the food bank sponsored by our church. It's a great opportunity to give back. About fifty percent of the volunteers there come from our church and it seems like I've known them forever. I know the spouses and all their kids.

Just had to post this after watching over 4 hours the making of Star Wars documentaries.

If you are a HUGE Star Wars fan....stop now, because the story is not a happy ending for you!

Well, back in the mid 90's I worked at a place in the Hollywood biz that used to do 'The Gong show' among dozens of others in its long past and now we did award shows Oscars, Emmys and others.

Well as of August 1st 10 days ago I managed to finish another year. 41 years old and still don't know or sure, besides stuborness and the pets, how I managed to make it this far in my life.

One other thing that helped me are the communities like BC and others I am a member of, So thank you.

Lynne

Well it's the end of an emotional day for me, a day spent removing my chattels from my home of some thirty years. A day in which i've had to make some hard choices, do I take this, leave that, can I live without something or add iit to the go pile.

So here we are again.

Well the initial shock of Thursday has subsided so I can be a little more rational now. Just to recap, I got home from my ride Thursday afternoon to find my home of 30+ years had been repossessed, literally at that point my possessions ran to what I was wearing and the bike! Not a good place to be for sure.

It has been long enough since I wrote anything that I'm starting to wonder if this is the end for me. 10 years of publishing almost every month is a pretty high rate, so a slowdown isnt that bad, but this feels less like a slowdown and more like a complete stop.

ah well, I can still read and comment I guess ...

Before you read on, let me start things off by saying that I am trans m2f. Figured since I mostly keep to myself on here it might help to throw that out when reading the rest of this. Carry on!

You don't hear anything from me in a while, don't fret.
Due to my own stupidity i'm now homeless so my access to - well anything is going to be a bit hit and miss for a while.
So there we are, a tale of woe. Hopefully i'll get my act in order, I kind of a have an interim plan but that will likely have to wait until - well I get my head in order.

Ciao for now
Mads

so a very stressful day. Was running errands with my ex, and first I had an anxiety attack and had to go sit in the car for a bit. Then while we were just about done, we got a phone call saying my ex's best friend's mom had been in a car accident not far away. We went to see how she was, and although not hurt, she was clearly in shock. Then while we waited with her two different towing guys got into a fight about towing the car right in front of us.

Outside of stuff for work, I haven't really written anything in almost over two years. I've tried. I sit or lay down in front of my computer nearly every day to work on my writing.

July isn't my favorite month of the year.

Getting asked for divorce y my ex, practically tossed out of the house my mom and birthday getting closer again without reaching anything. And not mentioning all the rest of the day to day struggles. Urgh hate how depressing I feel. How lonely I feel.At least I have the pets ...

l

I have survived another year, and today celebrate my birthday. My birthday wish is that all my friends and family get their wishes granted.

Just a quick note to tell everybody my computer is down. I'll be back online when I can be.

To the people who care about me: I'm sorry. See, caring about someone is always risky. There is a chance you will get hurt by them. I'm not just talking about being disappointed, or betrayed, but hurt because the person you care about is hurting. So if you care about me, you've been hurt when I have hurt, and I'm sorry. And I'm afraid the hurting isnt over. See, I've been, so to speak writing checks my body cant cash for a long time, and it looks like nature is going to collect. And therefore I can see a lot of hurt in my future.

Well, just where have I been since January?

I had been working almost 7/7 on a long-term project that I've mentioned once or twice. This was impacting my home life but I couldn't see it at the time

What a week it's been !!!

I saw a Doctor today that actually knew what XXY folk could be like, and seemed to understand!!! He even confirmed that folk like me are often born with both sets of accessories, and felt that often the wrong organs were removed at birth. "ODDLY", back then, Doctors preferred to remove the girl stuff and would do almost anything to save the boy junk!!! It was nice to have that confirmation. Validation. :)

Okay, so for the last while, I've been sharing stories at a writing group every two weeks, and last night I shared part 2 of a story called "Six forty-five" (which you can find here: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/34885/six-forty-five ) and it went over well. So I came home to look at part 3, and ... I dont know. I'm seriously lacking confidence in it.

If anybody wants to look at it, and see if its better than my brain is telling me, that would cool ...

When I moved in to my brother and sister-in-law's basement, one of the things I agreed to was to take over the outside chores - mostly snow shoveling and lawn care.

At that time the thing I worried about was that my mental health issues would make doing these jobs tough.

I never dreamed how fast my physical health would deteriorate.

I never imagined that there would be a time when being out working for an hour would be a serious challenge.

I honestly dont know how long I can keep up to my promise, or what happens when I cant anymore.

sighs ...

for the first time in a while, I had a nightmare last night. It wasnt related to my rapes, but I'm still having trouble getting myself grounded, and today I have stuff to do that I cant put off. hugs appreciated.

As is true every year, Memorial Day weekend was not easy for me. Those of us who have served, those of us who have lost friends and comrades, those of us who have known loss - we will never forget.

But there are certain times certain things that spur our memories. This weekend was one of those for me. It is not just a time for remembrance, but a time for caring. A time for me to think of those who I have lost, and to think of those they left behind.