Well, its a week late, but my anniversary story is up: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/79328/anniversary-che...

I had a dream last night. It was so strange. There were characters from Netflix's The Travelers in it.

if you had told me a few years ago my ex would be sending me a bag of women's clothes to use I would have called you delusional. But that happened today. I wish I could send out some of my good luck to everyone here.

So I took the clothes home, and tried them on, and I had a kitty "helping" me . She was very helpful sitting in the middle of the pile of clothes on my bed occasionally mewing commentary. the dog was at the foot of the bed to offer a dissenting opinion

"Mom? Why is there no Shepherd Moon tonight?"

"Frack..."

tough day today. tweeked my male bits while out shopping with Sharon, which set off my dysphoria so bad I could have broken down and cried right there but managed to hold it in. The pain and dysphoria then triggered my PTSD, so I was really having a tough time. So how can I recover from such difficulties? I watch something like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oW9f04Dctz4

My fairly recent lack of vision has been determined to be a genetic eye defect. I went from having better than 20/20 to well a lot worse in a very short time span. The degenerative disorder might force me to get a cornea transplant sometime in the future.

Annoying to be sure but I can live with that. Except for hard contacts, it’s like walking around with something in your eye all day. Pass I'll stick to wearing glasses.

I am facing a group of issues, any one of which would put serious strain on my spoon count.

The first is my bipolar cycle, which seems to be accelerating, somehow. I've had three crippling depressions inside of two weeks, each only lasting hours. This is far faster than anything I've dealt with before, and I dont know why its happening.

The second involves my PTSD. I seem to be in a state of hyper-awareness, the total opposite of my usual disassociation. And just like the bipolar cycle, i have no clue why.

Being TG in the stories here is a lot different from my life as a trans woman. Am I a failure as a trans woman?

Disclaimer: I am not suicidal.

Years ago, right after I came out, and went through all that happens to us, I was extremely depressed, and hospitalized several times. Such pain and depressive episodes is common amongst those in our community, so I am nothing special, and do not need anyone to call the Police. It was a very fortunate thing that I served in the Military 66-69, so am seen as a Vietnam Era Veteran, so the VA has been very caring of me in most ways. I sometimes feel like an interloper because I did not see combat.

To my fans (all 3 of you);

After a couple of weeks of struggle, I'm making progress on my Sherlock Holmes story.

Stay tuned ...

Today I wanted to go swimming. This became difficult when Sharon phoned just as I was leaving asking me to take Sam to West Edmonton mall, but I told her I had made my plans for the day. At first, I felt like I was being selfish, but then I remembered someone posing about how airlines tell parents to put on their own oxygen masks first, because if you pass out, you cant help your kid anyway. So today, I put on my own mask first.

I have an interview Friday!

No point in counting chickens before they hatch, but past experience with interviews has been good for me so I have high hopes for this one. If things go well I may be employed again before the month is out, and in a job that (hopefully) will be easier on me than my last one, if admittedly still a stressful one. Still, it's a desk job, with part of my interview being a typing test which, hopefully, I can pass with flying colors :P

If I can land this job I already have a plan in place.

I'd known it was coming for a while. At least two years, in fact, ever since we had to do the graft after the last failure, but it was still a terrible moment when it happened.

That's right, folks: the PSU in my desktop finally died.

okay so dream time again:

I dreamed I was the star of an animated TV show where I played a Lego version of myself.

In the dream my Lego self got into a hockey game with Lego versions of Disney villains and ended up getting slightly singed, to the laughter of my Lego friends and people saying "That's Dotty all over" as the credits ran.

So I paid off my outstanding bill with NYSEQ, my electric company. Thanks to everyone who helped me with that. You're AMAZING people. Sadly the company decided they WANTED more. I was on a Budget Billing plan and because I fell behind in my payments, they told me today---AFTER I paid ALL that money to keep my power from being shut off---that the plan was now cancelled and I owe them another $1000 to keep them from shutting it off again.

March 22nd would have been my mother's 102nd birthday.

It's hard to believe it's been nineteen years since she passed.

She was a pistol. Very intimidating.

Years ago, it was quite fashionable to suggest that effeminate men were the product of women like my mother.

I don't consider myself effeminate but I DO consider myself quite feminine.

I wonder what the rest of you think about the theories regarding a mother's influence.

Hey folks, for all the years I’ve been reading and loving stories on this site, I never looked into the subtleties of the site. I never noticed the blog function before!

Since I started trying to write for the first time, I thought I’d start a blog as well as an experiment. I can’t promise I will post a lot (I’ve never been good with things like diaries) but I think I’ll give it a try.

I’d like to invite others to ask questions and offer helpful criticisms about the first (hopefully) of my stories and ultimately about me if you want.

I went shopping with Sam and Sharon today, and while in a store Sharon was approached by someone who asked her if she knew the strange individual who was following her daughter, and Sharon said "That's Sam's dad."

So she went and told me, and then I shared it with the cashier as we were checking out, and Sharon said, "He cross-dresses but he is a good guy anyway."

So ... that happened today.

Make of it what you will.

been dealing with pain in my leg plus PTSD plus bipolar loop-de-loops most of the weekend and today. I'm hanging in there, but I could use a break ...

needless to say, this has delayed my writing, so sorry for that.

Today, I took a very big step. I opened my front door and stepped outside dressed as myself.

I have bought the clothes. I grew my hair out. I have even ordered some breasts. So, why am I so scared to wear the things. The desire is there. I will wear pajamas with no difficulty. I have even started wearing leggins and a pink t-shirt around the house. I am scared to put on other stuff. Something always stops me.

I have thought about going to a trans support group all dressed up, but backed out at last minute. I want to go to one of my therapy sessions dressed as myself, but never do.

Set a story to complete? I posted a flash to the No Prize contest today and want to set it as a solo. I certainly don't intend to write more on the story. ...