Look I'm sorry, but a girl has to eat!

I wrote this earlier today in a PM to a friend:

Well I think you deserve one!

My carelessness has killed ANOTHER dog, I'm tired. The only true thing that kept me alive the last time is the current dog who is dying in the corner. He was my last hold to a life I no longer have and the with him hours from death himself, I don't really have anything more I want to do. I did this too. I knew the warning signs from the last tragedy and I carelessly ignored them all and got myself into the SAME situation again.I'm a HORRIBLE person.

I'm tired of trying.

now on Amazon!

Or as we say in GOC, its siling it down!

As of 4:30PM, April 25th, in our own living room, Catherine Linda Michel and Tina Anne Marie Myers were married by a "traveling Preacher Man" who, after the brief ceremony, climbed back into his Pick up truck/buggy and hurried off to do more good works... I hope.

Okay, so last night I had a pretty strange dream. In the the dream, I was at a house with a bunch of other people, when a man came in with a huge trunk. He opened the trunk, and furniture popped out - and creatures I can only describe as shadow-spiders, basically a ball of darkness with little tendrils that it used like legs.

I backed up, and said, "I'm afraid of those shadow-things."

As if attracted by the sound of my voice, one of the shadow-spiders leaped towards me, with shadow fangs ready to strike.

my apologies

Not me, Gaby!

I had a relatively ok start to today but then something happened, which I'm not going to go into, which left me feeling off and unsettled that lead to the coup de grace as it were and now I feel like the world is coming down on me and I feel like I'm not worth it.

I normally wouldn't bring this up but right now, I really need to hear a friendly word or two.

Its the 6.05 special!

Well, yesterday ended up going better than I could have hoped. Sharon and Sam cried after Po was put down, but Sam was no longer angry, and indeed seemed to be at peace with his passing. I am thanking God and breathing a sigh of relief.

so I have to put down my daughter's dog tomorrow. You know how I couldnt cry for Lady? Well, I'm making up for it now.

I never thought I'd be saying this

Dysphoria, manic-depression, PTSD, grief, and anxiety. I'm getting hit by all of the above, plus one more. Guilt. Guilt that I'm struggling with petty problems while people are dying from this virus.

Sighs ...

For all of you who read today's chapter of I Wish, thank you so much for reading my work, I love you all.

That being said I pulled a small April Fools joke, by omitting the last paragraph of the chapter. It's there now though if anyone wants to see how it really ends and read the April fools comment I posted at the end.

Here's hoping you can all take a joke, but I'm going to hide from rotten foodstuffs, just in case.

*big hugs to you all*

Amethyst

my sister in law told me that my brother is getting tired faster
that the disease in his brain will eventually take away one side of his body, like a stroke
and I dare not lose it because I have to be strong for my mom

Well, luckily, I don’t really have a fever - just a case of cabin fever, so to speak.

So both of my sons have been through a two or three day cycle of low grade fever - around 100.3F for both of them. But both are back to normal now, and feeling better. The youngest, who started first is doing really well. His brother, my oldest, is about two days behind him and says he is still feeling a little run down.

yep, it may look nice outside but that wind is cruel and cold!

I've followed "Trials and Tribulations of a Girl" for quite a while. A while back, I was talking with the wife of a Nez Perce Native who works here in Portland. I mentioned to her that I'd been doing research on my own Heritage and think it is Apache, or Navajo, but could be Cherokee. Oklahoma where my GrandParents were from, has 39 different Native American groups in it. My Spirit favors Navajo, but none of us know for sure. I told her that I thought I was Two Spirit and when she talked to her husband, he told her that I would be seen as totally normal in Nez Perce culture.

today is my daughter Samantha's 20th birthday. For obvious reasons, there will be no party.

I will be posting the latest Chapter of You are a Meany tomorrow. I did not have time to write because I was studying for taking the Life in The UK test. I was scheduled to take it this past Saturday but it got postponed. It did get reschedule for the middle of April. Now I have to call the Home Office to see what to do about my visa. I need to take the test to submit my paperwork. I was actually happy. After taking the test the only thing I would have had to do was to hit send on my visa application then wait for the Home Office to tell me to get my new biometrics card.