I'm having a visit from Mr. Nasty.

hugs appreciated.

Hey everyone, sorry about this, but I don't think that I'm going to get a chapter of MPSD out this week. It's been kind of a tumultuous week (though a lot of it has been in a good way) and I've been behind on writing and everything because of it. I'm worn out and I don't have any energy so I think it best I just take a day or two to rest, relax my brain, and try to get back on schedule for this upcoming week. I can't wait until I get my medical card so I can see a doctor about getting back on my meds and hormones and actually feel energetic again.

I'm struggling with feeling worthless, almost to the point of feeling suicidal.

I honestly don't know if this is PTSD, depression or both, but hugs appreciated

so at 4 AM my mom had another episode, and I was not able to do anything to help her.

Then Mike and Carol managed to get her to make an appointment with her doctor while I was pretty much useless.

sighs ...

In the aftermath of my blog here yesterday, I was talking with Drea, and came to a startling and sad realization.

That there has been a part of me that hoped the trans stuff was caused by my rapes. Because then if I got over the rapes, I'd get over the trans stuff too.

I was thrown by this, but thanks to people on the BC discord page, I worked through it.

So I guess Dorothy isn't going anywhere, and that's okay.

Okay so last night I had another dream where I was at school (this time it was university, but still) and lost.

Except this time I ran across a really bubbly young woman, who seeing me looking confused took my arm, and when I told her were I wanted to go, she found us a rather round-about route.

Facing facts can be difficult, and the facts are that I no longer pass, especially wearing one of those horrid masks. Some are optimistic that we are at the threshold of having a viable Vaccine for Covid 19, but I won't allow my happiness to get out of hand.

It snowed here Friday night and it has been raining since at the lower elevations. This has probably put an end to our fire season for this year, locally, though fires continue to burn in the northern part of the state.

One community near here in the mountains has suffered two evacuation orders due to fire and yesterday faced another order for flash flooding. The cold saved it, not enough rain fell on the snow to melt all of it and make a dangerous flood. This morning, the white peaks appear and disappear in the clouds that are still dropping snow up where we really need it.

so because we needed more stress, apparently, I got word that two of my uncles are dealing with serious medical issues, and thanks to family stupidity I don't even know what hospital they were taken to, or anything.

sighs, hugs and prayers appreciated.

so I've been fighting some kind of allergy for days, and I'm getting pretty tired of it.

Can I return my sinuses to the manufacturer?

which might give light relief from debacle that is the US election.

Oh yes, those of us in England at least had an unwelcome gift last night, the removal of November from the 2020 calendar! -break-->Yep, seems that from Wednesday we join France and Germany in a new national Covid lockdown in the vague hope that there will be Eid, Xmas and New Year in December. So its back to furloughs, empty streets, closed stores and no use of public transport, difference is, the weather may not be so clement and the smile and carry on we saw in the spring will, I'm sure, quickly turn to frustration as 'daily' exercise is less of an option in cold, wet weather.

Yep, a posting on the right day and before bedtime!

I feel like I'm failing my mom as she has started to struggle with what I think is dementia.

I mean, I'm a mess, barely holding it together for myself, how can I help her?

Hey readers. I'm very sorry but MSPD won't be posted again until next weekend. We've been so busy the past three days with dealing with things now that Martin got his first paycheck. We got a lot done and did some shopping and hopefully we'll have our medical cards in the next week or two so I can deal with getting on my meds and hormones again. So things are looking good.

*big hugs*

Amethyst

My mom had a serious and scary dementia moment this morning.

She woke me up at 4 am saying she heard Carol killing Mike.

Then she ran outside in her nightgown looking for an ambulance.

Dam scary stuff, honestly.

problem is, it does come back another day!

I am going for an endoscopy tomorrow, and I'm already struggling with anxiety.

Thanks to my PTSD, I have a gag reflex like nobody's business, and therefore the prospect of having a tube shoved down my throat doesn't exactly fill me with happiness.

hugs appreciated.

While the more eagle-eyed among you may have noticed recent comments from me scattered across a handful of stories, it actually marks a 'soft' return from a prolonged absence (from here - those who frequent the BCTS group on the Book of Faces will probably have seen me quite frequently...) of about 3 1/2 years...

Hey everyone, just a quick note to let you all know that MSPD won't be posted today. I'm going to try for tomorrow, but it's been a long week, I'm a bit depressed, anxious, and exhausted both mentally and physically and I just don't seem to have any spoons to spare the last few days. Hopefully I'll feel more capable or energetic tomorrow since there's a lot of writing I want to get done once I actually have the spoons for it.

*big hugs to you all*

Amethyst

And its the finale of Summer Girl!

Just wanted to let people know, while I have a couple of stories that are close to done, I currently have no spoons for writing.

So it might be a while before they see the light of day.

Sorry.

those things above your eyes

My mom and I were talking about my bras, and in the process I realized how my breast growth has snuck up on me.

Which got me thinking about my transition in general - that success has snuck up on me, and I hardly noticed it.

Weird, huh?