Autobiographical

waking up shaking

Okay, so It's just after 8 in the morning, and I'm shaking.

See, last night I had one of my "searching" dreams. I was on the campus of a university, and was totally lost. But then I found someone in authority, and let loose a stream of anger - anger at being expected to know things I'd never been told, being left to wander around without a guide or a map.

It was the level of anger I displayed that has left me shaking.

hugs appreciated;

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Better

For some reason, the blog entry I made yesterday hasn't shown. Oh, well.

Naped much of Saturday, went to bed early and slept in a bit on Sunday. Felt a lot better.

Took it easy Sunday, as well, though I did some errands and did a bit of writing on next Masks story. I also napped a lot and went to bed early.

Slept in a bit on Monday. Feeling vastly better. We'll see...

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Not a Well Man

I've been fighting an irritable bowel attack for over a week. Thought I was about it over last night. Then I ate some sunflower seeds before bed.

Pretty sick all night, and taking a lot of medicines. Which meant that by the time I got soundly asleep I was *really* asleep. Woke this morning with neck and lower back hurting so bad I was barely able to feed the cats.

Gonna to use my neck traction, now. If you folks haven't heard from me in a couple of days, send someone to cut me down. :-)

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Coming out... sort of

Hi everyone at BC

I want to tell you guys a true story about myself.
I am a very religious Catholic as well as my family. I am from small town USA where i am known by almost everyone here. For this reason i have had one hell of an existence living in the closet. For many years, i have been struggling with my sexual identity and orientation.

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my daughter won an award

My daughter Samantha has won an award from the transitions group she has been part of for the last year. It is an award based not just on her academic success, but her attitude, her kindness, and her overall progress.

When you consider we were told when she was a baby that she might never progress beyond the toddler stage, I couldn't be prouder of her.

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dreaming of my stepfather

The causes for my C-PTSD can be separated into 2 groups. being repeatedly raped, and suffering both physical and emotionally abused by my stepfather.

Well, I dreamed about my stepfather last night. I was at a family gathering, and his name came up, and I started unleashing every bit of anger I had ever felt towards him. I woke feeling shaken, and depressed.

Hugs appreciated.

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Demanding I resume Psychotropic Drugs.

Into full on whining tonight, sorry. It's been 13 weeks of Quarantine and it seems a bit excessive. If I do go out for groceries, or to take a break, it is strict face covering, goggles, and head cover. Yikes, I look like a Saudi Arabian Niqab wearing woman. As it is for all of us, being isolated in my apartment can be quite wearing, but overall I have been doing rather well, aside from frequent Ocular Migraine Headaches. These are not painful but a bit incapacitating, they are.

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getting pummeled by dysphoria

Right now I feel a little like the woman in the scene from the movie "airplane" who starts panicking, and then the whole plane lines up to slap her.

When it's not depression, or PTSD, it's my gender dysphoria taking it's turn at kicking me around, and that's where I am right now.

Ah, well. This too shall pass ...

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Survived Again

Well, Lucked out again! Tuesday night I totaled my car, and almost me. On a 5 lane city street and US highway I decided to stop in at the ice cream store and get a dish to take home. This required a left turn. Somehow I missed seeing an oncoming PU truck and the end result wasn't pretty! I thought I'd survived unscathed but then I started feeling funny and, as the cliché goes, every went black. I came to as I was being taken into the ER.

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The Shady Post: Facebookin'

 

The Shady Post
Shadowed's Personal Blog
From the Depths of Her Mind
by:
ShadowedSin
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My thoughts on the world and what is coming about for the future! Expect at least one post from the Shady Place of my mind at least once a week or once every two weeks when I'm busy.

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Completely Despondent

I am drained, absolutely, but am not going to use the word.

Stupidly got myself involved with yet another Mental Health person, and I thought it was going really well. Then she also began to involve a second year Medical Student. I've been feeling some frustration and over the weekend, and later, hours after a phone session with the Med. Student I became tearful, and have remained that way for days.

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got some lovely responses

I got a lovely response to my blog yesterday, including this on Discord: "Every ones hell is their own. The demons we carry are our own. We can not compare our horror to another's for they are each unique. It is not how your pain compares to others, or even that you have or how much pain you are in. It is how you weather it. Dot, you always weather the storms well. Yes, good and bad times. But these are the times that have made us who we are and you are indomitable in your charity, love and caring. Never forget that."

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