Hi everyone at BC

I want to tell you guys a true story about myself.
I am a very religious Catholic as well as my family. I am from small town USA where i am known by almost everyone here. For this reason i have had one hell of an existence living in the closet. For many years, i have been struggling with my sexual identity and orientation.

When i was about 10 years old i was sexually molested by my cousin during a sleepover. As you can imagine i was a very impressionable youth as i was introduced into the wonderful world of euphoric masturbation. It didnt take long after to find i was addicted. A few years later i started crossdressing after i discovered porn. I would imagine myself in situations where i was the girl in the video or picture. When i crossdress it feels right. The problem i still face today as a (literally) die-hard Catholic is that this addiction is so taboo i cant tell anyone without incuring a miriade of questions that i myself dont even know.

Over the years i had to learn to live with this secret buried in the past for fear of being alienated and/or worst. I grew up denying my identity, thrusting myself into becoming a man among men. I also became a prominent member of my local church. All the while i ran into a problem. I began to love my work. Why is this a problem you ask, i work with children. Lets just say i cant even imagine the backlashan consequences if my secret ever got out.

Why am i bringing all this up? Well, yesterday i sort of came out to my mom and dad about my sexual orientation. I identify as pansexual. I say sort of came out because as far as my parents as well as the whole of people in the Catholic church, i would be defined as presenting deep-seated homosexual tendencies. I told them nothing if my questioning gender identity.

I was pleasantly surprised to find them understanding. To find my parents still loved me even after i came out left me in tears. I want to thank here who read my little outlet and reading all of your stories has helped me come to terms with my demons and finally even if only in part to relieve crisis.

Thanks with love

Helen