I seem to have a habit of creating stress in situations far beyond what the situation actually calls for.

For example, leading up to my going to my aunt's for Christmas dinner, the battle I was waging to conquer my fear and go in a dress was so intense I was in tears. (Jaci can confirm this, she listened to me cry)

But in the end, I went in my church dress, and it was no problem whatsoever.

Well, I had a nice day with my daughter. We opened presents, watched "Muppet Christmas Carol" and "How the Grinch stole Christmas" (the cartoon version), and it was very very nice.

I am so very grateful that I have her in my life.

Well, I saw a psychologist today, and got a prescription for a mood stabilizer.

I really hope this works ...

I have been dealing with a lot of issues at the same time lately - fighting a cold, several flashbacks, a massive depression, and several worries - worry over Sharon who is dealing with an infection post having her fibroid removed, worry over my mother's stress levels as Christmas approaches, worry over my financial struggles ...

Lets just say I am really running low on spoons, and I would appreciate any prayers or good thoughts or huggles right now.

Thanks.

got a heads up that someone is trying to call themselves "Dorothy Bellion Mee" on Facebook and is trying to get my friends to friend them

If you're on Facebook, please report this person if they contact you, its not me!

Well, Sharon has told us that its confirmed that she will be going in for surgery, and so we will be hosting my daughter for at least four days - Friday through Monday.

This is going to be the most time I've spent with my daughter since we separated, and her mother is super against my transition and no doubt has pushed that view on Samantha, so I am kinda nervous ...

for those who aren't tired of me talking about myself yet, there is an interview with me in the new "Mix tape" collection.

Feel free to check it out, and leave some thoughts!

I am reading a very good book on recovering from trauma called "Conversations with a rattlesnake".

Its by former NHL hockey player Theo Fleury, and in the book he (along with therapist Kim Barthel) covers how to retrain your brain as you recover from your past.

The book contains some frank discussion of rape (Fleury was molested by his hockey coach), so gentle people prone to triggers will struggle at times, but it really is worth the read.

You know, if you had tried to tell me five and a half years ago when I first joined Big Closet, that one day I'd be standing in front of a group of people at a church and telling them about being trans, I never would believed you. But it happened, and a big reason why is the love and support I've received on BC and elsewhere online.

So, to all those who have sent me support over the years, let me say ...

Thank you all so much.

Every one of you rocks.

And huggles for everyone!

I was listening to the local Christian radio station, and they play some kid-friendly shows on Saturday, including a show called "Adventures in Odyssey".

Well, I had missed part of the program today, but I heard a student and teacher talking, and the teacher said, "In computers, you have hardware and software. The hardware is how the computer is made, the software is what makes it run. Gender is like software, and its changeable, especially nowadays."

The last couple of days the link to the chat site seems to be missing. I really miss chatting with

Sighs ...

Well, last night I had a pretty good night out, as my brother and sister-in-law took my mom and me out for dinner to celebrate my mom's birthday.

They gave my mom a framed picture of my grandfather on his tank taken during WW II, which got my mom reminiscing about those dark years during which she could only hope and pray her dad would make it home.

So as Remembrance Day approaches, don't just think of the soldiers who fought. Take a moment to remember the families who lost out as well.

Huggles for everybody.

I have another free idea to give away.

Setup like this:

A ordinary man is home alone, when suddenly two imp-like beings suddenly appear. He asks "What exactly is going on here?"

And one of the imps says to the other "She wants to know exactly, does she?"

"That's what she said" says the other.

"What do you mean, 'She'?" says the man ....

Take it from there!

Because my muse gives me more ideas than I can possibly use, I want to give away an idea to anybody who wants it (For free!)

Here's the pitch::

Remember the movie "What women want"? A man (played by Mel Gibson) suddenly gets the power to read the thoughts of woman.

But what if, no sooner than he figures out he cant read the thoughts of men, he finds out he can read the surprisingly feminine thoughts of a closeted trans woman?

What would happen next?

Well, that's up to whoever takes the idea and runs with it.

Have fun writing, everybody!

If you're the praying type, I could use some good vibes right now

My mom had to get a rental car while her car is being repaired, which is putting a serous strain on our already tight budget. I'm starting to think I cant afford to get a passport, which means no consult, no SRS, its going to be over for me.

It feels like as soon as something positive happens, something comes along to take it away, and I feel like a rat who navigated the maze only to find out the cheese was plastic ...

I'm so tired .... so very, very tired ...

I need a miracle ...

It seems like forever since I last heard anything from Extravagance, our resident cat-kind v-boy.

Anybody know if he/she is okay?

okay, so technically, this is the last chapter of Book 1, but Book 2 is gonna be a while. I need to focus on my presentation for church, and I don't have a lot of writing spoons at the moment anyway.

Just wanted to give a big thank you to the good people who were on the chat site yesterday, as well as all those who sent me good wishes on Facebook.

My depression has lifted, and I feel much better, and I believe its in part because I had people to talk to through it ...

So my thanks to Erica, Talia, Wendy, Jaci, Bailey, Diana, Debbie, Terry, Dallas, Lisa, and my brother Mike, who talked to me by phone.

Huggles to all!