Well, I got a letter in the mail yesterday saying that I have officially paid off my student loan.

Took a long, long time, but its gone.

Now, I just have to pay off the accident I had last year, and all I will have for debt is my car ...

(Dottie does a happy dance)

Yesterday, I went and got my oil changed, and while I was waiting a man came in with a small dog. We sat beside each other, while the dog sniffed around and accepted pets from the people who were sitting and waiting. But if someone was standing up, and tried to pet the dog, he'd back up, unsure of the situation.

Anyway, after I had paid for the service and was about to leave, the man and the dog were approaching the till, and the dog, without any hestiation, went up to me and licked my leg (I was in a skirt).

The man said, "He likes you. He can tell you're a good person."

This is not a drill!

A large group of huggles has escaped to the internet, and may end up in a inbox near you!

Experts suggest letting them huggle so they dont get discouraged. Nobody wants to see a sad huggle ...

I had an amazing day with my daughter today. Took her to a museum, looked at some dinosaurs, watched a movie about dinosaurs, and she was very happy to have a day with me.

I am so grateful I still have her in my life, despite my mistakes and my transition.

And now, just for fun, a song that's (sort of) about dinosaurs ..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fGQzIE-nmM

I am not one of those people who thinks that "big boys/girls dont cry".

In fact, I think there some times when crying is exactly what you should be doing, and that crying can be good for you.

That said, I prefer to have a reason to cry, so what happened on my way to work last night was frustrating.

Out of the blue, for no reason I could figure, I was suddenly enveloped by grief, and it was all I could do to keep my car on the road until the feeling passed.

Ah, well.

Just curious what people's opinions would be ... what BC story would make a good movie?

If its not too egotistical, I think my "Rock Star Makeover" could work.

I have something to share, but its a little complicated, so please bear with me.

I had ... an experiance? a vision? a stray thought? Not sure, but to explain it I have to do a little history first.

In 1980, Mt. St. Helens erupted in one of the biggest volcanic eruptions in North America in my lifetime. Lava and hot ash burned a huge area and the sky turned grey as far away as Calgary.

But 30 years later, life is returning to the area, and slowly the mountainside is turning back to green.

Guess what time it is?

Its dream sharing time!

Well, my latest was very different. In the dream, I was invited to a church event at someone's house, and going there, I found no one I recognized. I stayed for a while, but I felt so out of place among strangers that I eventually left and started walking around the city to clear my head.

What made it really interesting to me was my reaction to this circumstance. I didn't cry, feel sorry for myself, or anything of the kind. I passed it off as some kind of mistake, and basically let it go.

I was gonna talk about funerals and other fun topics, but I'm concerned about my emotional state. I am starting to worry my anti-depressant isnt working very well any more, as I am getting very fragile for no reason I can think of.

Ah, well.

I got to spend Father's day with my daughter for a few hours today, and as a gift she gave me a little figurine. Its an elephant dressed as an angel, with a pink robe, pink trimmed wings, a halo, and a pink heart as a shield.

Does my daughter get me, or what?

Okay, this is gonna be a bit tough, but I think I need to share this.

I figured out why I've been struggling so much with the PTSD the last while.

As always happens, there were a bunch of factors that contributed to it.

First, I was fighting a bit of a cold, and there's nothing like being under the weather to weaken the defences psychologically.

2nd, I had a depressive episode, which also weakened my defences.

3rd, I happened to read about a sexual assault in the news that really hit me hard.

I really wonder what's going on with me lately.

For at least a week, I was dealing with grief and depression periodically, and then I had the worst PTSD attack I've had in quite some time.

I feel a little better now, and would like to thank all those who sent me messages of support.

Huggles to everybody

I had an interesting experiance last night. I went over to my cousin Terry's place, and I got to hold her granddaughter, who is not two yet.

And I had this wonderful feeling of peace come over me when I held her.

Tension I didn't even know I was carrying dropped off me.

Anybody else get this kind of reaction?

Just wanted to thank Brianna Eketta for her silly little blog. It brought out the giggles in me, and I needed it.

Huggles, Brianna!

I was talking about Caitlyn Jenner on Facebook, and Bailey left this response:

"Dorothy has raised trans profkles at her work and in public with her church that's actually pretty hardcore."

I'm super blushing.

you know, when I first went for help about my abuse, I really didn't expect much. I hoped I would figure out if there was a connection between my abuse and my gender issues, and maybe I'd learn how to cope a little better, but that was all. Same thing was true when I first started thinking about transition - I fully expected that I'd hit a brick wall, and have to settle for being Dorothy online only.

I have a story to tell, and an encouragement to make to all those who read this little blog.

First, the story.

Well, I managed to make my boss tear up today.

See, I had my poem "Dear God" published in a free newspaper my church gives out, and to celebrate, I took a copy to my work and showed the store manager the poem.

She teared up, and asked if she could hug me ...

In honor of this achievement, I am going to post a link to the poem below:

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/18321/dear-god

Well, its been an interesting week for trans people here in Edmonton, as the news has been full of stories about a young trans girl who was being denied the right to use the girl's washrooms at school. Since the school is run by the Catholic church, who aren't big fans of us, it seemed that they were going to force the girl's parents to take them to the Human Rights court, a process that would take years. But one of the trustees for the school district spoke out against the policy, and now the school has backed down, meaning the girl will be allowed to use the girl's washrooms.

Well, we have finally got pictures on our walls, so my mom is happy.

Many trans people would be a little upset at seeing pictures of themselves pre-transition everywhere, but honestly, I find I don't mind all that much.

The boy I was raised as is a part of me, my history in boy world helps shape the woman I'm becoming, so why should I be ashamed of him?

Just my thinking, what's yours?