I have learned, perhaps too late, that choices have consequences.

For example, a lot of the reason why I am in such pain is because I made poor choices with the food I ate and not doing enough physical activity, leading to me being overweight.

But that's not the worst consequence I'm facing.

See, I chose to get married. i did not choose well, but I chose.

And because I made that choice, and further made the choices that led to my separation, I do not have a special someone in my life, nor will I.

Just wanted everyone to know that I'm trying my best to work on the next chapter of "Mercy", but had a massive PTSD attack Thursday, and still kinda shaky.

Sorry.

Well, I may not have found a snuggle partner this Valentine's, but apparently, my dog did - in the form of a rabbit in the next door neighbor's yard.

The two of them approached the fence cautiously, then the rabbit gave a quick sniffy kiss on my dog's nose through the fence, and hopped away.

My dog was clearly smitten, not wanting to come back in, and stayed as close to the fence as possible, waiting for her new friend to come back over - which she did, gave my dog another sniff-kiss, and hopped away again.

I dont usually push my own stories, but I think I might be on to something special with my latest story "Mercy".

See, if there is a theme that runs through a lot of my work, it's about what happens after a person has been damaged.

I've explored ideas of healing, of looking for justice, and the power of forgiveness vs the allure of vengeance.

But in my latest, I think I have really hit the jackpot in terms of making the case for Mercy as the best choice.

Or at least that's my hope. Only the readers will decide if I am succeeding.

I went to the Big Closet chat site, and it came back "timed out"

Anybody know what's going on?

Well, there went my good day.

I just got home from the doctor's and its not good news.

I have arthritis in both hips, not just the left one.

They want me to do physio, but its not covered by my work plan.

So I don't know what's next ...

Well, I got my holidays after all.

I am off for the next 2 weeks.

hopefully, I can get some writing done ...

I received an amazing honor today.

The Rev. Anam Chara, a fantastic author here on Big Closet, name-dropped one of my stories into the latest chapter of his story, having a group of high school students read my work and comment on it.

I am humbled by being selected for such an honor.

For the second day in a row I'm in terrible pain.

Enough pain to go past "crying" and head toward "screaming " ...

But the latest chapter of Mercy is up.

I couldn't help but leave it with a cliffhanger ...

Well, got a frustrating situation going on. See, way back at the beginning of December, I booked the last week of January off, got that approved by my supervisor, and gave the sheet to the personal office.

And yet, my name is on the schedule for that week.

I talked to the store manager and my supervisor about this, and they asked me about pushing my time off because they are expecting a new maintenance person to be starting around that time, and they would prefer they not have to go solo right away, but rather have someone to show them the ropes.

Well, I had a very rough night at work last night.

It started off with me finding out that I am scheduled for the last week of the month when I had asked for and been signed off on getting vacation for that time, so I was a little ticked off by that.

Then my boss basically accused me of deliberately skipped part of my job, not even considering the possibility that I had simply forgot.

This sent me into a depressive spiral, leaving me feeling worthless and like nothing matters.

Anybody who has had a pet can understand how they can sneak into your heart, and become a part of the family.

Well, my daughter had to say goodbye to a member of her family today, and in honor of little Hanna, here is a little song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUeuODPofpo

been a tough day today.

Struggled with physical arousal (which is always painful for me, and sets off my PTSD)), and i got a call from Sharon saying tomorrow she's going to have to put down one of her dogs, and my daughter is gonna be devastated

Here is my take on 2015:

This was the year where old, tired governments got replaced by parties with younger leaders and more optimistic outlooks

But it was also the year a reality show host became the leading nominee for President of the U.S.

It was a year that a black man was still in the White house

but it also was a year where a lot of unarmed black men got shot by police.

It was a year in which the Pope asked capitalists to take more care of the less fortunate

This is an apology for my latest story.

I'm sorry its so dark.

Its just that the stress of losing my wallet, the stress of watching my mom get a lung infection and be unable to take antibiotics for either it or the hole they dug in her head to get out the cancer because they make her sick, the stress of my friend Jaci having no money and no food in her house and me not being able to help, the stress of knowing I'm going to have postpone any chance at SRS for the foreseeable, the stress of my PTSD, my depression, and my gender issues ...

Well, I have learned that no matter how bad things get, I can always make them worse with a little not thinking.

I managed to lose my wallet Monday, and spent yesterday hitting catch-22 after catch-22 trying to get replacements for my driver's licence, so I cant go to work tonight.

I know this too will pass, but darn it, I really didn't need to make things more difficult right now.

So this was my Christmas day.

Worked until 7 AM, came home, slept, woke up to discover my mother was sick and I was getting sick, so the two of us spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch together watching Dr. Who.

I've had worse Christmases ...

Just got back from my appointment with PTSD councilor.

Main theme of the session? Take back the power.