I almost wiped out at work today.

My knee buckled while I was working. I managed not to fall, but it took a while before I could get my breathing and heart rate back down to normal.

I know I'm supposed to do more cardio exercises but I'm pretty sure that's not what the doctor meant ...

Very scary moment for my mom last night.

She was taking the dog for a walk, when she spotted a man on the middle of the street forcing cars to go around him.

When the man heard my dog bark, he saw my mom and started running toward her, and she barely managed to get back inside and close the door behind her before he caught up to her.

Could have been very bad ...

Just wanted to let my readers (all three of you) know that it might be a while before you get anything new from me.

Depression is kicking my butt at the moment, and between that and the pain/panic dance I am running low on spoons to the point where just making it to work is gonna be a challenge this week.

Sorry, I hope to be back to bubbly soon ...

I wanted to share a story that might encourage anybody who is dealing with a phobia.

For most of my life, I had a serious phobia about bees. I had been stung as a kid, and after that I couldn't stand to be anywhere near a bee.

Then, one day, I found this video put out by (I think) National Geographic called "Why Bumblebees couldn't run an airport".

Someone had slipped a tiny camera inside a hive, and the result was ... life changing for me.

Mercy chapter 15 is up, I hope people like it!

I damaged my car this morning, I was in serious pain all day and feeling sick to my stomach so I couldnt take anything, the pain set off my PTSD, so I spent most of the day fighting panic attacks ..

Sighs ... just another day ...

huggles appreciated, folks.

You remember all that fighting I went through to get my drugs covered by my work even though that had been promised from the day I was hired, and they finally told me they got it fixed?

Well, I tried it out today, and my wonderful drug plan saved me a grand total of under 2 dollars on a 45 dollar refill of my estrogen gel.

Can I pull my hair out now?

Just a quick update for anybody wondering when more stuff is coming from me - I managed to make some progress on a couple of stories this weekend, but nothing is ready just yet. maybe soon, I hope ...

Well, I have some good news to share.

First, my mom bought me some new shoes, and they seem to be helping me walk a little better.

This will really help put less strain on my knees and hips, so that's a yay.

The other bit of good news is my doctor has arranged for me to see a specialist in January about the pain in my privates, so hopefully, I might get some answers as to why I often hurt there.

Just wanted to give a big "thank you" to all those who sent me a compliment.

All your positive vibes helped me overcome my negative self talk, so yay for team Dorothy, and huggles for all!

well, I think all the pain I am getting in my hips and knees is spreading to the parts in between.

Last couple of days, I've been at 8/10 for pain in my left thigh, and 5/10 for pain in my right thigh.

this on top of being 9/10 in the hips and knees, and 11/10 in my private bits. (No, I'm not kidding. flashes of pain there so bad I almost passed out.)

Ah, well.

I hope you guys don't mind, but I would like to take you behind the scenes of Mercy for a moment.

A while back, I felt really stuck on this story. What I wanted to do was get Faith to a point where she had grown enough and learned enough that I could bring back Brand for a final confrontation, but I simply didn't know how to get there from where the story was at the time.

So realizing that conflict drives stories, I asked for help in creating an opponent for Faith.

I wanted to ask everyone's opinion.

What punishment should Donavan receive in my story "Mercy"?

In honor of Remembrance day, here is "In Flanders Fields",

IN FLANDERS FIELDS POEM
The World’s Most Famous WAR MEMORIAL POEM
By Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place: and in the sky
The larks still bravely singing fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead: Short days ago,
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved: and now we lie
In Flanders fields!

Another pain filled day, and I discovered I really walk funny. My right foot sometimes goes from side to side rather than say back to front or front to back, and when that's not happening my right leg is going in some completely other direction than my left one.

To make things even more stressful, I came home to discover my dog is limping quite badly too.

Today, I saw a tiny toddler decide to "help" clean up the store. She took a training potty that had fallen on the floor (the thing was almost as big as she was) and put it back on the others of the same color.

I so wanted to give her a gold star and make her an honorary cleaner ...

One of the worst things about mental illness is the stigma attached.

I mean, most people would probably rather say they needed to miss work due to explosive diarrhea than admit they're struggling with say depression.

Well, I am going to fight against that right now.

Today was not a good day. I got triple-teamed by depression, PTSD, and gender dysphoria. (Not to mention physical pain).

I pretty much felt like I was getting my butt kicked the whole shift, so I am really glad to put the day to bed ...

I'm just sitting here, having realized that if I hadn't sabotaged myself, I might have had totally transitioned by now.

By delaying my name change, I cost myself more than $ 4,000 which would have come in handy for paying off my car and putting myself in a position where even if i wasn't able to work for months after surgery I'd still be above water.

Ever manage to have a really good moment and a really bad one at the same time?

I managed that today.

I was doing my rounds, when I suddenly realized I couldnt see the keys I use on the job.

I panicked, and left my cart and ran to the men's bathroom, which was the last place I remembered using the keys.

I went inside, and a guy standing at the sink said, "Ma'am, I think you're in the wrong bathroom."

I turned interesting shades of red, retreated, and checked my cart again while waiting for the bathroom to be clear.

Okay, I need help remembering the name of a story.

It was a Whately story, about a girl with gadget powers, who was forced to make weapons for this guy, and when rescued, went to Whately with a lot of trauma and even wanted a UV armband.

Anybody know what I'm looking for?

Well, I am breathing a sigh of relief. I got my physical done, and it did NOT have to include any invasive tests.

My doctor says considering my overall health, assuming my bloodwork comes back okay, I can skip getting stuff shoved up places I'd rather not be touched.

Whew ...