My emotions seem to follow an irregular cycle. Sometimes the ups aren't all that high, and the downs are pretty darn low. I had a moment around the beginning of this year, on the drive home from work, when the idea popped into my head that all I had to do was put my foot down on the gas and let the car drift over into the trees lining the road and I wouldn't have to feel that bad ever again. I had to fight to keep from doing it, too. Scared the #*!@ out of me, as you can imagine.

I went to an online chat (IMVU, if you care to know the name) and decided to visit a christian room and get some prayer support. Unfortunately, one of the people there noticed my avatar was wearing a TG symbol, and asked me about it. I tried to explain my history, how I felt. Her response was to tell me i needed deliverance from a demon. I told her how i had prayed about this since i became a christian, prayed, begged, cried. How i even tried to kill myself, and even asked God to kill me rather than let me offend Him. How i finally reached the point where i had to accept what I am.

Well, I was talking to one of my UK friends the other night and when we hung up, my computer froze. It took me several tries to restart it before I could get it running again, and along the way I figured out that either SKYPE or one of the messingers was causing the problem. In my trying to figure it out, I see that SKYPE downloaded a new version on 12/2, and after that is when the problem started.

I have been treated to the tender care of Southern Rail. A lunch time meeting with a girlfriend and home for seven has turned into getting into my place at ten at night. So, unless I write like a demon tonight....sorry.

Telling a story.

I write stories, I like writing...no love writing, but know my limitations.

There have been millions of books published, some good, some not so good. I often wonder whether I could become a published author, in the main stream, like many others. Then I see the hoops you have to go through to even get an agent let alone a publisher. I know that you can self publish, but it isn’t the route to massive success unless you are very lucky and have huge talent, both of which, I regret, I have not got.

Hi everyone. I am happy to say that I've begun doing some work on revising the Naruto story I've written. The original story started out with Naruto and I kept having problems because (as many fan fics do) I couldn't adequately explain who Naruto and Jiraiya were. It made some very big assumptions on the part of the reader that they were fanatical devotees to the Naruto manga or series. I've decided about a year ago to fix that so that anyone could pick up the story and read it without confusion...

Not just the Christmas season, but I've republished that insane Christmas tunes acronym quiz thingy from last year...

It's here

...but since 140 tunes would be a big stretch for anyone to complete on their own, I've made it world writable, so if you click on the link above, you can fill in the ones you can solve there and then... as well as seeing what others on BCTS have found.

I have been reading the latest 'year's best SF' and quite enjoying it. I then look up stories here, see 'SF' or fantasy in the header, and switch off. One story, "The Island", intrigues me,and I will continue reading it, but those stories with miraculous devices/transformatons do not speak to me. Clearly, this is a personal thing, and I mean no criticism of others, but while I love SF I can only connect with TG stories that are close to real life. Perhaps this is personal identification, maybe I am inflexible, but I offer now my apologies to those who write that sort of story.

I just read ONE MORE STORY with the same misspelling. No, it's not a typo, the authors are confused.

I just did a google search for

"santa clause" site:bigclosetr.us

and got 86 hits. This is bad.

The fat jolly man's name is "Santa Claus" (well, it's actually Kris Kringle, but you know what I mean).

Fantastic news.

I learned tonight, 1726 British Daylight saving time UST +1 that the bitch who abused me as a child died a month ago of Pneumonia and kidney failure. My oldest sister was 76.

I found these on YouTube last night and thought they weren't even half bad... "Beautiful Boxer", a true story of Nong Toom, a transsexual Thai kickboxer who fought as a means of survival and rose to fame, quite an amazing story. Part one is here, and if you're familiar with YouTube at all (is there anyone who isn't?) you know you'll find the other parts shown to the right of the screen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TxdRlg3Llw&feature=related

"Just Like A Woman" is a fictional story of a crossdresser who loses his wife and family and other tribulations etc. Part one is here:

I used to have a search field on the home page, it no longer shows up in Firefox nor IE... haven't had any other problems displaying any pages... is the search function gone? thanks.

I got a call yesterday from a woman friend who I spent most of the summer helping move. She had been in her large suburban home for almost 40 years and it was a trying experience getting her to make decisions about what to keep and what to get rid of. Need I say she is a hoarder that can't make decisions? She's finally almost unpacked in her 800 square foot condo.

I know some of you are going to ask why I didn't enter this in the contest for Christmas stories. I didn't want this one to be in a contest. It's just my gift to all of you.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and may someone love you as much as that little boy loved his sister.

Be well, all of you.