Fantastic news.
I learned tonight, 1726 British Daylight saving time UST +1 that the bitch who abused me as a child died a month ago of Pneumonia and kidney failure. My oldest sister was 76.
Apparently she was cremated which denies me the chance to go dancing on any graves but the main pleasure was learning of her ignominious end. At least now I am free of the spectre of her very existance and I learned that only a handful of people attended her funeral. Neither my other sister nor my brother nor any of our children attended which does not surprise me. Good bloody riddance!
My sister apparently found out from somebody in the village who had learned of the bitch's death and expressed surprise that none of her family had attended.
I was glad to learn that my other siblings were not hyprocrites and remained true to their own vows never to have anything to do with the bitch. But Joy of joys for me, a huge spectre has been lifted from my very existance.
The family reunion on 18th December will be doubly joyful for me. Firstly I'm 'coming out' to my sister and all the nephews and nieces and secondly, that bitch will never be able to get at me again.
I'm going to have a very happy Christmas!!!!!
Love to everybody.
Beverly.
Comments
Well then
A hug seems appropriate, but a pint would be better!
Thanks Steph.
The hugs would be welcome but I don't drink. The smell of booze, particularly 'shorts' still reminds me of nights I'd rather forget. I usually associate booze with 'Dark Places.'
Thanks for the thoughts.
Love and HUGS!
Beverly.
Growing old disgracefully.
I'm sure there is a song in there somewhere
Something with a joyful holiday theme to it?
"Ding Dong The Bitch is Dead, the Wicked Bitch is Dead......"
Please, after the holiday celebrations and stuff are over try to let it all go. The sooner she is out of your mind and the hate is gone from your heart the sooner any shread of her spirit will die out and be gone as well, you will truely be free. If she passes on and you hold on to that hate then she will in effect still be with you as if you never found out about her death.
The Bitch
May she unrest in HELL forever
Congratulations Beverly
I am happy that you have this closure in your life.
In the mid 80's I found out that my own stepfather had passed away from his son, and the first thing out of my mouth was, "good, that son of a bitch can't hurt anyone else".
25 or so years later, my ardor for his blood has cooled considerably. I'd since found out that he was horribly abused by Amish relatives who were Pennsylvania Dutch Amish; I am told the most conservative of the lot. I feel more charitable toward him now since I learned that and many other details about our family life in the 50's.
I think the main benefit is that the hate and anger has mostly burned its self out and no longer poisons my own thinking.
Much peace
Khadijah
Thanks Khadijah
Skype you tonight.
Love and Hugs.
OXOXOX
Bev.
Growing old disgracefully.
Closure
I hope this will allow you some closure on the past, that you'll be able to step away from the damage, and the memories of it, and the resultant emotions that have followed you ever since, and forge on ahead with a happier life.
This is harder than it sounds, I know, so I'm wishing you great strength and determination to do just that. Forget her. Forget your pain. Forget it ever bothered you whether she was alive or not. Revel in your own strength and personhood. Breathe free now!
Closure is inportant
Out of my abusers one still lives. each one that has passed away I've learned to forgive them, Knowing things sometimes are passed on from one generation to another I took the time to break that chain.
I haven't danced a jig or gone on a hoot to be overjoyed. I have peace of mind tha they are gone.
I learned that hanging onto that hurt was hurting me and that I really could not move forward in my own life. I learned to forgive those that hurt me, that doesn't mean I have to have contact with them.
My own peace of mind has helped me with some major changes in the past year. I will not attend any one in my birth families funeral nor will I be part of a family reunion.
I pray that inner peace will come to you and that you will learn to forgive, its much more peaceful.
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
Closure is inportant
Out of my abusers one still lives. each one that has passed away I've learned to forgive them, Knowing things sometimes are passed on from one generation to another I took the time to break that chain.
I haven't danced a jig or gone on a hoot to be overjoyed. I have peace of mind tha they are gone.
I learned that hanging onto that hurt was hurting me and that I really could not move forward in my own life. I learned to forgive those that hurt me, that doesn't mean I have to have contact with them.
My own peace of mind has helped me with some major changes in the past year. I will not attend any one in my birth families funeral nor will I be part of a family reunion.
I pray that inner peace will come to you and that you will learn to forgive, its much more peaceful.
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
Forgive?
Congradulations the wicked witch is dead dead dead dead ha ha ha!!! For a family member to cause such pain and
misery should never be forgotten by the family.
For some death is an end for others death is a new begining. For me death of evil is worth a party!!
Party on Bev.!!! May you find the peace understanding that you so richly deserve.
James
P.S. Forgiving does not meen forgetting. Forgiving is for you to Know peace not for thier soul. This is why
forgiving EVIL is so hard, does not feel right, and is Godly.
hon, you have been free of her
for some time, if i am not mistaken. But i am glad if her death has brought some closure.
"Treat everyone you meet as though they had a sign on them that said "Fragile, under construction"
dorothycolleen
Which way the witch
Beverly,
Tonight, reading your post, I realized something I'd never considered before. That is, the death of your abuser can bring you closure and peace (and joy?).
Duh!!
And I'm supposed to be a counselor... I further realized that while I know two of my abusers are dead, I have no idea about the other two. My worst abuse came from a baby sitter and her boyfriend. I've no idea if they live or have died.
Now, I think I would like to know. I would love to know the sense of closure and peace you are feeling. I'd like to say forgive and forget. Ideally that is true, but on the personal, human level where we live, we crave a peace that we may never find as long as that evil is still out there. I am profoundly grateful you have that peace, and suddenly tonight wonder... Are they dead ?
Thank you Beverly, you've helped put some things into perspective.
Blessings to you and yours,
Beth
Happy for you & what do you mean you can't dance on her grave?
You can always flush her ashes down the toilet or scatter them in cat litter boxes. Could make good grit for a icy sidewalk but the you'd have to vacuum bits of the bitc* out of your carpet later on.
--GRIN --
Glad to see you aren't letting painful memories ruin your life.
Warning! Personal rant and rave follows. Note to Erin and your fellow *elves*, um admins. If this is inappropriate to post here please delete. Sorry if I have offended anyone.
Here goes. IHMO forgiveness is good. But forgiveness must be tempered by reality, by concern for others. Sometimes I swear so called *forgiveness* is not so much a godly act but a selfish one, a feel good self indulgence disguised as *charity*. I have heard it said one should separate the act from the person who committed it, thus laying the grounds for forgiveness or something like that. Religious philosophy is not *my bag* and this is not the place to argue that in any case.
The potential fallacy I see in separating the act from the actor is they are intimately connected. Forgiving the person is good but the act is what it is and cannot be forgiven. I understand many abusers are former victims themselves but that only explains where their hateful behavior was learned but it does not excuse it.
Forgetting and/or letting an abuser off the hook is foolishness masquerading as godliness. Consider this scenario. What if your abuser hurts someone in part because you *forgave them* and didn't press charges? Could you forgive yourself for your inaction contributing to the abuse of others? Child abuse is such a horrid crime as the effects can linger in the victim for the rest of their life and can carry over from generation to generation.
Enough of my ranting. Time to get off my soapbox. As I said earlier I am no expert on philosophy or religion so I apologize if I have offended anybody.
Suffice it to say, Bev, that person can no longer hurt you. I could argue their despicable acts made you who you are, made you stronger but then that is giving credit to her for what YOU achieved. They could have been kind and benevolent and you may have turned out exactly the same. You owe her nothing but contempt. Live your life your way.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Forgiveness?
Thank you John.
'Dancing on somebody's grave' is a British expression of joy that an idividual can express that some evil doer has died. I genuinly thought it was a pretty universal expression throughout the English speaking world. The reason I can't 'dance on her grave' is the very practical one that I only know she was cremated. I have no idea who sacttered her ashes or where, - or indeed if some misguided fool actually still has them in an urn somewhere on their mantlepiece or bedside table or something. I don't know and I don't bloody care.
P.S.
I certainly will never forgive her, but now she can never haunt me again. I like your observation that forgiveness is self indulgence. I can see exactly where that one comes from when one examines it as an alternative to charity or and ostentatious demonstration of piety.
Thanks.
Beverly.
Growing old disgracefully.