My apologies for these poor bits of verse. I'm afraid that I'm using them to allow me to express and clarify my own feelings and thoughts as I go through the various stages of transition.

Persephone

The music has started, the carousel spins,

I’ve accepted myself and my journey begins.

I wrote Erin last night before going to bed asking her to unpublish Mishap. The latest chapter of which had been published for over 12 hours and had not gotten one single comment*.

What a bunch of ingrates. You want want want but can't give. I say it again because I'm sick of the excuses** I hear not to comment. There's even a certain element who will even go so far as to complain they aren't getting the type of stories they want. Those are the same people who never post a comment either. The authors work here for free but they feel they can complain about it.

Well, that's pretty much how I feel right now. I can try to move forward in dealing with my gender issues, and risk losing my daughter, or I can stay as I am, and more than likely suffer a breakdown, eventually. Not long ago, I had a vision of what my future could be like following both of these choices, and both end in despair, with me alone and broken. There just has to be a third choice, I don't believe in the no-win scenario ...

Some photos from the comc con as shown on the guardian website. Some of the con goers make great efforts with their costumes, Mark Hamill was brilliant - instead of reprising Luke Skywalker, he seems to be appearing as Jabba the Hutt.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/gallery/2011/jul/23/comic-...

Angharad :)

There is an episode of "True Life" on MTV now about a MTF transsexual woman who is living Stealth, but afraid of what will happen when people find out. Her family is concerned for her too.

Today is a very special day for me, an anniversary if you will. Even though I read on this site for a long time, it took me a while to actually become a member. It took even longer than that for me to finally write something. But a year ago today, I finally broke my 6 year writing dry spell and posted the very first chapter of The Syndicate. I'd like to thank Lilith for allowing me a chance to play in her world. As it turns out I haven't really stopped writing since. I've managed to pump out one story after another, from Center to Retcon and back again.

A while ago, I wrote a poem by that name (here is a link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/18355/hit-brick-wall-r... ) Well, right now that's close to how I feel. I think I'm psyching myself up for a charge at that wall, and its going to hurt But I simply don't know what else to do. When I first became honest with myself, and then came out to my family, I felt better. When I got a job as Dorothy I felt much better, and I think I kidded myself into believing I could stay like this - half in each gender. But I can't, not for long.

I got an e-mail today from borders corporation is going out of business. The sales start tomorrow and looks like they end on August 5th.

http://ebm.e.borders.com/c/tag/hBOKNiQAQfEXsB8cdgOAJg3YO4I/d...

Hugs,

Jennifer Boyle

I saw a CNN clip about Commic Con, and OMG, my imagination is like totally captured ! Wow!

I was thinking that if I get involved in it, I would like to be "Katia" in my girl rambo story. Of course that means losing the 30lbs I have been storing on my body, but I can just see myself in a butt length Black wig with blood red highlights, a black costume with black leggings with all sorts of dials and vents on the leggs, a sexy top and a holster for my "Noisy Cricket" and of course my enhanced sword! No stillettos, though, you can't really run and fight in those things!

Why does it always happen to me? Someone, somewhere, must know a plumber who actually turns up when he says he will, but I've never met one.

For some time now, we've had a damp patch on the (concrete) kitchen floor. Just occasional seepage from somewhere. Not very much, and no smell so I'm guessing it's mains water rather than sewage. Just recently the stains started to get larger and I reluctantly decided that we would have to get the problem fixed.

Cross-dressing isn’t all that hard to understand.

Somewhere along the line the word fetish took on a negative connotation.

A fetish is an inanimate object that is felt to have magical or spiritual powers. What is negative about that?

Comments on this board about “not understanding cross-dressing” have made me go back to the basics.

I watched the film about Jamie because I wanted to know more about where he was coming from, I didn't understand drag queens as a phenomenon, and I still don't. However, I had new respect for the lad's courage.

He had two ambitions: to become a drag queen, and to go to his school prom in a dress. He found a club in Newcastle which had a drag revue running and the person running it helped him create a routine.

I have been listening to NPR ( National Public Radio ) lately and 3 days ago they did an artical on the New California law that requires the teaching of LGBT history in state schools.
They compaired a man named Harvey (I know when somebody smarter than reads this they will correct Mr. Milks first name) Milk, who was assinated for being an equal rights spokesman and also gay, to Dr. Martin Luther King.
To listen to the artical you can probally go to your local NPR station on the net.
I guess the mainstream media missed this or thought unnewsworthy

James

I'm off to the San Diego Comic Con! I'll have my laptop and phone along so I won't be out of touch but things won't get looked at ten or twelve times a day, more like just two or three. :) Have fun and if you're there, I can often be found hanging around Scott Shaw!s table or in one of Mark Evanier's panel shows.

Hugs to all,
Erin

I just wanted to let everyone know that part 19 should be posted in the day or so I have sent it off to be wren to be edited. It took longer then I wished but was dealing with a bit of writers block, hoping the next part will come easier.

Cain129