Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

December 13 - 19, 2015

December 13, 2015
Sunday
Dear Diary

Today after Church, Dad tried to speak with me. He wanted to tell me that the world was a hard place. People judged each other and there was a social hierarchy. The simple fact was that homosexuals did not have a high status. Transgenders did not have a high status. Some even considered it a mental illness. He wanted me to be a son that he was proud of. He was worried that my life would be a hard one and that I would never be respected or accepted if I continued being a sissy.

I responded in a very calm way. I said I was not a sissy. I do not consider myself a boy or girl. I am genderfluid. I have nothing against wearing boys clothes and I had nothing against wearing girl clothes. I knew who I was, and it was up to people to accept it or think I was weird. I could not change what people would think.

Dad lost his patience and told me that I was a boy and he would do his best that I would not be anything else but a boy.

Aunty came for dinner. It was a very awkward situation. Dad refused to sit at the table and the only one that was speaking was mom. I was playing around with my food. I could not understand that we invited a woman that tried to kill my mother. She was also the one that caused me to have such an identity crisis. Now Mom has forgiven her. I could see the others in the family were not ready for this.

Aunty tried her best to speak to us and only mom was answering. When she asked me a question, I ignored her. Sarah was the only one that said what we all was thinking when she asked Aunty if she will try to kill mom again. I had to smile that there was silence after this question where everyone looked down at their food.

December 14, 2015
Monday
Dear Diary

Being Annie's boyfriend was so cool. I was now hanging around with the popular kids. They no longer saw me as a sissy or someone weird. I was Annie's boyfriend and I was about to be on Netflix. I was the local celebrity!

Annie could be bossy and she always spoke to me as I was a baby. She promised that she would tell no one about me wearing a diaper at her house. I do not know why I did not fully trust her. Should I not trust my girlfriend?

There was a huge story in the newspaper today about the mad doctor. It told about her given a boy experimental medicine to make him smaller and weaker and girl hormones. Noah must have read the story because he secretly joked that I was that boy. If he only knew that I was. I was relieved that my name was not in the article. It would have destroyed the new status I had at school.

December 15, 2015
Tuesday
Dear Diary

Andrew told me at school that he was worried about Bella. She was being bullied more and more. It was now that she needed her friends. He reminded me that she was the one to support us when we were being bullied. Andrew had a point. Since my new status at the school, I was hanging around with Annie and the cool children at school. This meant that Bella was often alone.

After school, when Sarah and I were being taken care of by Bellas granny, I tried to talk with Bella. She said she did not want to talk about it. I left it at that.

I got a letter from Antonio, the boy I met in Greece. He wrote that he had seen me in Teens Idol. Some of the modelling pictures that I took has made me known by some. Antonio was proud of me and at the same time, he hoped that fame would not swell my head. I looked at the teen idol page on the net and could see that I was at number 47! This was hard to believe. I did not consider myself famous. It was strange being on this page.

Am I already famous?

December 16, 2015
Wednesday
Dear Diary

Bella finally spoke to me after school. We sat in her room and she started crying. She told me that the teasing and bullying were very bad at school. Everyone thought she was a misfit and a freak. They were calling her Frankenstein because of how she was born. I did not know what to say except not to show that it bothered her. Bullies lived on the fact that they could make a person sad or feel inferior. She had to show she was proud of who she was and that bullying did not bother her.

Bella sighed and said that she felt alone at school. It would be better if her friends supported her. She admitted that she missed hanging around with me at school and it was hard seeing me with Annie and the cool kids. I hugged Bella and apologised, and promised that we would hang together at school. This made her feel better.

My hair was getting longer. It was not even down to my neck yet, but it was growing. I liked when mom brushed it. It was nice to relax and she would ask me how things were. I told her that Annie was my girlfriend and my new status at school. I told her I was already on teen-idol. Mom told me to remember to be humble. Fame could give people a swollen head, where they thought they were the centre of everything. She advised me to remember who my real friends are and why are others suddenly being nice to me?

I was not very famous yet. I could walk down the street and most people have not seen me as a model. What would it be like when I was on Netflix. How could I see if people liked me for who I was and not the fact that I was a celebrity?

December 17. 2015
Thursday
Dear Diary

It was easy to be with Bella today. Our teacher Miss Appleby announced that she did not want Bella or me to be teased because were the mad doctor's patients. How stupid could she be? The others never even suspected it. It meant that they all looked at me thinking what the doctor did with me. Annie supported me by saying it made me cute being so small. There was something odd about the way she said it. She sounded more like a mother than a babysitter.

Everyone else was saying that the mad doctor was making us into small toddlers and changing our bodies and gender. In a way it was right. It was just hard that everyone knew that I was the subject of the mad doctor.

I was in a bad mood all day, feeling sorry for myself. Things were so easy when I was younger. I did not have to worry about how I should look and act. Being younger meant that I was protected and safe. It was a time when my parents were happy and they took care of my every need. I didn't even have to worry about the toilet. A diaper took care of that! Was these thoughts something that the mad doctor put in my mind?

Annie asked me if I would visit her on Saturday. Mr, Lewis said he needed me tomorrow for a photo shoot.

December 18. 2015
Friday
Dear Diary

Today at school Andrew warned me about Annie. He heard her say that I was so cute because I was small. Andrew was blunt by saying that she was a strange girl. I nearly choked and fainted when he said that she probably wanted me as a baby or toddler. I did not tell him that she insisted that I wore a diaper when I visited her. I could not get a word in as Andrew talked non stop. He asked me did Annie like me or was like a pet.

I am sure that Annie loved me. She accepted that I was different. I did not think I was her pet or her doll.

Mr Lewis wanted to take a photoshoot, but the clothes he picked were something a child would wear and not a teenager. He explained that it was hard to find clothes for me. I put on the clothes that he wanted and posed while I played with cars and blocks. To be honest, it was a long time ago since I played with childish toys. I forgot after it was a photoshoot.

Mt. Lewis told me that there was a webpage now with my photoshoots. He warned me not to let it swell my head and to remember that I was a role model for many that liked my pictures.

December 19. 2015
Saturday
Dear Diary

Mom woke me up and told me that we had to speak. She told me that she knew that Aunty confused me by making me wear a dress when we went to Greece. Aunty wanted me to be a baby girl. She even paid the mad doctor to give me experimental medicine and screw with my mind. Since then, my aunt was getting help and a lot of counselling. She knew that what she has done was wrong. Mom told me that she hoped that I could forgive my aunt.

I did not answer. Should it not be my aunt asking me to forgive her and not my mother?

I went to Annies and the same thing happened as the last time. She was sure that I would have an accident and destroy the furniture. Despite I told Annie that I was 13, I never had accidents. I lost the battle and was in a diaper for the visit. This was something that Annie reminded me about.

Annie told me that I could be 13 years old, but I have not grown up. I was the size of a 9-year-old and I did not care if I was a boy or girl. She smiled as she told me that she felt like an older sister, that knew that deep down, I was still a toddler and did not want to be a teenager. When I tried to protest, she reminded me that no teenager would agree to wear a diaper. Why did I agree on wearing one? On top of that, she said it was a girls diaper.

When I came home, My family were decorating the Christmas tree. They were smiling and singing Christmas songs as they have done it. I helped but I could not stop thinking about Annie and what she said. Did Annie love me or was I just a doll for her?

To be continued
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