Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

December 6 - 12, 2015

December 6, 2015
Sunday
Dear Diary

I wonder what life would be like when Billy left home. He would either be in prison or living by himself. In any case, It would mean a lot at home. I would not have to wait and wait to get in the toilet. Dad and I wouldn't have to go out in the cold and find a tree to use as a toilet. It would be sad that Billy would be leaving home despite I knew that he hated me. However, I had to look at the bright side.

The choir was the same as usual. I got the important solos and this made Noah mad. He called me a sissy and asked when was I going to grow. He continued and continued. Usually, I ignored him, but today was different. It was as if he could no longer think of new things to tease about. It was the same old things all the time.

I lost my temper and told him he was just jealous. He was a nobody. He was just jealous of the fact that I was going to sign a contract with Netflix. This got the other boys interested, as I told them that I was supposed to be filming in December, but it was now delayed to January. The other boys forgot all about Noah and wanted more details.

Noah did not believe me. He asked did I sign a contract. I smiled and said it would be signed before we filmed. The other boys then ignored Noah.

When I got home, Billy wanted to talk with me. He said that he talked with his therapist about me. He disliked that I was getting so much attention because I didn't know if I was a boy or girl. The fact that I will be on Netflix just made it harder. Billy sat on my bed and asked me if I could forgive him. He was jealous of me. He was not jealous because I liked dresses, he was jealous because I got all the attention. I forgave Billy.

On his way out, he told me I had to decide if I was a sissy or not. Then be brave enough to be who I wanted and not get the whole world involved. I suppose he was still a small bit jealous.

December 7, 2015
Monday
Dear Diary

When I came to school, no one was snickering or laughing as they saw me. No one was calling names or asking why I was so small and girly. They smiled at me and said hello when they have seen me. I found out that the rumour that I would be a Hollywood star went all over the school. People no longer looked at me as the weird child at the school. I was a celebrity.

After school, we were at Bellas house as her granny took care of Sarah and me after school. Bella was quiet when I changed from the boy's clothes to a pink overall. The only thing Bella said was to ask if being popular was nice. I tried to converse with her saying that it was fun being at school. Everyone was friendly and no one thought I was strange. This made Bella sigh and tell me the same people teased and bullied me last week.

Bellas grandmother suggested that we write a letter to Santa Clause. Sarah started writing her list. I think that she must have written every toy and outfit in the catalogue. My sister asked to see my list and I tried to explain that I was too old to write to Santa. Sarah smiled and told me not to worry. She wrote a message at the bottom that the letter was also from me.

“PS... Santa, this is also from my brother Allie. I know I only wished girl things, but my brother is cool... he likes being a girl just as much as a boy!”

December 8, 2015
Tuesday
Dear Diary

Today was very bad. Up to today, only Andrew and I knew that Bella was a hermaphrodite. This all changed today. During the lunch break, Bella was being teased and everyone wanted to know if she was a boy dressed as a sissy. Bella was trying to ignore it all until Andrew told them to stop. He was being a good friend standing up to Bella until he blurted out that she was not transgender. She was a hermaphrodite... a sheboy. The others in class stopped and looked so confused as they had no clue what this meant.

When Bellas granny was taking care of Sarah and me, Bella begged me not to tell her granny what was said. I wanted to say something wise. I told Bella that no one would tease her about the way she was born. They did not even know what it meant. I also asked her not to be angry with Andrew, as he was just trying to help.

Bella wanted to be left alone. It was hard seeing Bella being so quiet and sad. She was always the one that talked a lot and was always an optimist. I wanted to help her but did not what to do.

Tonight Sarah came into my bedroom. She looked sad. She told me she was afraid that I would forget her when I became famous. I told her that this would never happen. Then Sarah smiled and agreed. She told me that it can't happen if she was famous too!

December 9, 2015
Wednesday
Dear Diary

Bella did not come to school today. I can understand why. I took time off of school when the teasing became impossible. I always considered Bella to be a strong person. She was depressed and afraid in the last few days because people now knew her secret. I was still certain that no one knew what a hermaphrodite was.

A part of me wondered if she was also jealous of my new popularity at school and the fact that I would soon be a Hollywood star. The problem was that I did not know how to deal with a friend that was depressed and sad or had problems. It usually was always me in this position. I will just have to be nice to Bella and support her where I could.

This day will go down in history. I have always fancied Annie and it seemed like that she would never love me back. However today, she asked me if I would be her boyfriend. I nearly fainted on the spot and was quiet. I asked Annie if she was sure. This made her smile and tell me it would be stupid if I said no.

When Bellas granny was taking care of us after school, Bella did not seem sick. She was playing games with Sarah. When I told her the news of Annie, she just sighed. She is probably jealous.

December 10, 2015
Thursday
Dear Diary

Everyone at school knew what a hermaphrodite is. Someone took their time to Google it. This meant that Bella was bullied and teased more. They thought she was a freak and it was a disease they could get.

At lunch, I found Bella hiding in the playground. She was crying. I was with Annie and told Annie that I had to help Bella. Annie got annoyed and said that I am popular now. I do not need to be Bella's friend. I went to Bella. Annie was of course mad at me.

I did not know what to say, so I just sat next to Bella and put my arm around her. She kept mumbling that her life was over and why was she born the way she was. I did not know what to say. I told her I was here for her and she was my best friend. Bella smiled for the first time in a week and told me that I was a good listener. I told her that her support helped me when I was in doubt if I was genderfluid, and I wanted to support her the same way. She was not alone!

At dinner, mom told us that she had forgiven Aunty. We all thought that this was strange. Aunty tried to kill mom. How could Mom forgive someone like that? Mom explained that Aunty was her sister and it took a lot of work to hold a grudge against someone. Aunty was getting help from a therapist and she needed her family now. Then Mom looked at us and told us that we decided if we wanted to be forgiven or not.

December 11, 2015
Friday
Dear Diary

Annie was mad at me for helping Bella. I was afraid that she would dump me. This did not happen. Maybe I should be a poet and write a love sonnet for Annie. That seemed to be the romantic thing to do.

I didn't dress in girl clothes at Bella's granny, as Dad was coming to pick me up early. I did notice that Bella was wearing a diaper. I wondered why. I did not tease her. That would be hypocritical as I wore a diaper when I visited Annie the last time. I just pretended that I did not notice it.

Dad took me bowling. It was his idea of making me a man. He was very good at it but it seemed that every time I tried throwing the ball, it hid the sides. Dad had very little patience. He told me to run properly and not like a ballet dance. Then he asked me how hard can it be to hit the target. It should have been fun. However, it was Dad once again trying to change me.

December 12, 2015
Saturday
Dear Diary

Two weeks until Christmas and mom decorated our house so it looked like a winter wonderland! I love Christmas and hoped that this Christmas would bring peace to the world. It would be nice if everyone in my family got on well together and that Bella was not bullied.

I had a strange dream. I dreamt that Andrew and I kissed. This was so strange and made me feel afraid. Did my dream mean that I fancied Andrew? Did I think that he was cute? I could not understand the dream. How could I be gay when Annie was my girlfriend?

I looked in the mirror at myself. I was now small for my age. My hair was growing and I could understand if people thought that I looked like a girl. I looked very feminine. I thought about the Netflix film. It could make me famous and that meant lots of girls would fancy me. I would be faithful to Annie. I hoped that fame would not change me.

If I became famous, what would happen when my fans found out that I was a sissy or as the doctor called it... genderfluid. I wonder if they would support me and still be fans.

This was not the most important. Mother Earth was dying. I have seen on the news that the nations of the world promised to reduce CO2 levels. Promising to do something is one thing. I wonder if politicians would do it. It sorta scared me that I would be the generation that will experience our planet become a worse place to live on.

I spent the rest of the day in my room trying to write a poem for Annie.

To be continued
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