Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

December 20 - 26, 2015

December 20. 2015
Sunday
Dear Diary

It was the school holidays and there was no snow. It would be a better Christmas if we had snow. At least I did not have to go to school.

The choir went well. I got teased a bit about the mad scientist. It was just Noah that was teasing. I think that he could not accept that I was finally in the popular group at school. I knew this was because I was about to be on Netflix and had Annie as a girlfriend. In a way, I did not care. I was popular at last.

After Church, I saw Noah and others pushing and hitting Bella. The adults were too busy talking as Bella was being bullied behind a bush. I could see her looking at me with a plea on her face to help her. I will admit I was afraid to do it. Annie came and told me to let Bella fight her own battles. So I talked with Annie until we went home.

I felt sort of bad that I did not help Bella. But what could I do? I knew that the real reason was that I was afraid. Besides that, it ended up with her granny seeing the bullying and hitting the bullies with her handbag.

At home, Sarah and I were playing with her dollhouse. I was so jealous that she had one. I told her that Annie had one as well. This made Sarah admit that she did not like Annie. I told Sarah that Annie always wants me to wear a diaper when I visit her house. This made Sarah laugh at first. She told me that it was mean of Annie to demand that I wear a diaper. She asked me if I did not see that it was weird?

I changed the subject.

December 21, 2015
Monday
Dear Diary

Today I went to Dr Mary. She was much nicer than the mad doctor. I told her that I no longer had the pains and I was happy. I was mostly a boy at home but did play with Sarah's toys. When Bellas granny took care of us after school, I dressed as a girl.

Dr Mary liked my earrings and asked me if I considered myself a boy or a girl. I told her I was both. I liked being a boy, and I liked when I was a girl. Maybe I was just a feminine boy. I was no longer embarrassed that people saw me playing as a girl or dressing one. The doctor smiled and said that the most important thing was that I was happy and proud of who I was. She suggested that I was genderfluid and there was nothing wrong with this.

I told her that Dad could not accept it. The Doctor told me that most Dads wants their sons to be macho. The sad fact is that some will accept who I was and some will not accept it. This being said, I had to be who I was and not let others dictate how I should be. She reminded me that I could be genderfluid. This was a question about my identity that hurt no one.

I trusted the doctor and told her that Annie was my girlfriend. I even told her about the diapers when I visited Annie. The doctor sighed and asked me I should consider if Annie liked me or was I a doll for her. Then she told me most boys would have run from Annie as fast as possible if they were told this. The question was why did I accept wearing a diaper so easily.

In the end, mom and Sarah were called into the office. The doctor recommended that I continue getting blockers and hormones.

After the doctors, we went to the mall for Sarah to visit Santa. I did not want to see Santa or sit on his lap. However Sarah said she was afraid to sit on Santas lap, so I stood by her as Santa asked the usual questions if we were good or bad. I think he was fake, as his beard looked like it was a fake. I couldn't think of anything I wanted except a new phone.

When it was Bellas turn, she whispered in Santas ears.

December 22, 2015
Tuesday
Dear Diary

There was still no snow today! At least there was no school.

I was bored and tried to go over to Bellas house. When she saw me, she told me that she no longer considered me a friend and she did not want to see me. I knew it was because I did not help her. I looked the other way while she was bullied. I tried to say I was sorry, but she slammed the door. I am sure she would get over it.

Sarah and I made Christmas presents all afternoon. She could see that I was upset over the fight with Bella. Sarah told me to concentrate on the gifts. She thought that Bella would forgive me. Sarah also thought it was wrong of me to ignore a friend that was in trouble.

The choir has its Christmas concert tonight. I had a solo “Walking in the air.” People must have liked it because I got a standing ovation. The only one that did not clap was Bella. Maybe Bella would like me again when I was on Netflix.

December 23, 2015
Wednesday
Dear Diary

Aunty was over today. I just sat with the doll that Sarah gave me while Aunty and mom spoke. Aunty was not in the Christmas mood. She knew what she did was the worse thing she could do. She tried to kill my mother as well as send me to a mad doctor that made me smaller and screw with my mind. The experimental drugs the doctor could have killed me. Aunty talked about how people could not forgive her and see how she changed. She understood why but her life has become very lonely.

When mom went to the kitchen to get more coffee, there was silence between Aunty and me. I told Aunty that my present to her would be that I would forgive her. However, if she tried to hurt or change anyone in the family, then I would never forgive her again.

Mom overheard this at the kitchen door and hugged me and told me she was so proud of me. Aunty was in tears, telling me that it was the best Christmas present ever!

December 24, 2015
Thursday
Dear Diary

Everyone was busy baking and doing Christmas things. Dad was shopping as he left buying mom a Christmas present at the last minute. He asked me if I wanted to go, but I said no. I had no intention of being at a packed mall was not my idea of fun. When I got married to Annie, I would buy her a present long before Christmas.

I listened to Christmas music on the radio. In a way, I wished that Christmas was over, as I was so tired of listening to “Last Christmas”.

Annie asked me over. I planned to say no to the diaper. I am a bit of a coward, as I ended up in a diaper again at her house. Not only this, but Bella had me in some of her dresses. I hoped her mother would stop us and tell us it was wrong, however her mom seemed to be under Annies control. Annie was one spoiled girl! Her mom was more like a servant than a mother.

It ended that I pretended to be Annie's baby all afternoon. I should have said no and I should have just gone home. However, I felt all the pressure of being a teenager was off me.

When I was going up, Annie told me that her mom was washing my clothes. I had to walk home in a dress and diaper. Luckily I could wear my winter coat. I never even thought about why her mom would wash my clean clothes. I did as Annie commanded. I walked home in a dress.

Luckily Dad was still shopping. Only mom seen me dressed this way. She looked so confused.

December 25, 2015
Friday
Dear Diary

Christmas day, and the birthday of Jesus!

Santa bought lots of presents and it was fun seeing everyone smile as they opened theirs. Dad bought mom a golden necklace and Billy got some clothes and a new iPad. There was still hope I would get my new telephone. Sarah got some clothes and a makeup set.

I was the last to open my presents. I was shocked. It was elastics and hair decorations for my hair, a pretty pink denim overall and a karaoke machine. They were not boy presents! They were very girly! I was so happy.

This was until Dad lost his temper and got mad. He did not say a word but went to his bedroom. Mom followed him and we could hear them arguing. The next thing we knew was that Dad stormed out of the house with a suitcase in his hand. Mom told us that Dad was leaving us.

I could see that mom put on a brave face and wanted to make the remaining Christmas a good day. We all have done our best to smile.

December 26, 2015
Saturday
Dear Diary

Dad did not come home. I felt as if it was my fault. He left home because the others were now accepting that I was genderfluid.

Bella still did not want to see me.

To be honest, I did not have much time to worry about Dad or Bella. There was a picture of me in the newspaper waking home from Annies in a dress. It wrote that I was expected to sign a contract with Netflix and my mom forced me to be a girl and dress as a girl. The newspaper questioned if I could be a good role model if I became famous. I knew half of it was lies. How could they write about my mom that way? Now everyone in the country has seen me in a dress!

To be continued
I hope you will comment and like this story.